Corny existential stuff

I don't usually do these kinds of posts. But then this is my vent space and these days my only vent space. so...

Do you ever get a feeling that you have changed so much that you can't figure out yourself? Well I feel like that these days. (I told you it was corny)

The image, that was me and the new and not necessarily improved me, (post baby) is almost irreconcilable. I can't seem to get a hold of things. The control freak that I am...hate it. Totally abhor it. I was never the fixed routine kind of person anyways. But all impulses and the reaction to it was all mine. These days I just react. And not always nicely. There is no mindspace to think, create, execute outside of Miss T's diet plans. And as much as I love that child, that isn't enough.

I didn't realise how bad it was to not have a career till now. I don't work full time. Worse, I work from home; so I can't claim to be a career woman and I am not your typical homemaker either (no offence to homemakers). I am in my own little trishanku swarga.

And I swear I could do with a LOT less guilt. I am prone to guilt and then there are people to make it worse. There is no getting away from people is there?

I have no clue on the way forward. May be it'll just occur to me in my sleep. Or may be I'll just get used to this.

PHHHHHBBBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT

Questions

I probably won't regret it, but I will wonder, won't I? I probably won't miss it. I will probably be able to look at the big picture ; look back, weigh the pros and cons and be content.

Is that enough?

This is all I get, one chance to do all that I want to do, all I want to say, all I want to be. How can I be just content?

Trip down to my school

I have been wanting to do a post on school days for the longest time. Sheer lethargy to type has been keeping me from doing so. But Quill's post has inspired me. Actually quill has a lot of patience when it comes to typing. Sometimes even her sms is as long as some of my posts :)

Now to the post.

I absolutely loved my school time. All 12 years of it. Well almost :) I didn't go to one of those "the" schools in the city. Unless you've studied there you wouldn't know it exists. And the school continues to be a part of my life cos Amma still teaches there and I see most of the teachers often. They even came for my wedding (all 32 of them :) and came in hoards to be my side when I had Miss T. They even promised to tell Miss T embarrassing stories from my student days; which are there in plenty.

I had a rocking time in school. I did very well in all subjects except Maths! (I believe this is a genetic problem. God help Miss T) I didn't fail or anything but never as good as the other subjects. I was also good at sports. So I got away with most bratty things I did as in I didn't get into serious trouble. All through school i wasn't very hard to find me kneeling outside the classroom all the while giggling. Mostly for not doing my homework or talking in the class.

But my friends changed every year. Not because I dumped them but cos they'd move on. I now realise that people were nice to me cos I was a popular kid and a teacher's kid at that. Then it would break my heart when friends changed loyalties. Now it doesn't feel so bad when I look back. I know it sounds very pompous when I say I was the best types. But back then I didn't know that :) I was just having a lot of fun.

The big twist came when I was in Class 7. I decided to stand for school elections. My class teacher didn't want me to. I was told later that if teacher's kid too much attention then they will say school's being partial. Exact words by my class teacher. But I was heart broken. I wanted to be the school leader, lead the assembly n all that. But well.

Anyways I became yellow house leader and won every bloody competition there was that year both individually and as a group. (See I told you I rocked). It was also the year I discovered the importance of boy friends. See the girl who became the school leader wasn't the brightest thing in the class nor was she popular. But she won by large majority. When I dug a little deeper I discovered her boyfriend had bribed and threatened half the school to vote for her. He was a very big guy :) And I started wondering if I should find a boy friend for myself. Enter A.

A was this boy who sat next to me from class 4 to class 10. He owned a VCR (a rare phenomenon) and watched all the movies that could be watched. And then he'd come to school and tell me the stories. We constantly talked through the class hours. Telling each other stories. In Class 7 when half the class was busy being boyfriend, girl friend to each other, A got it into his head that he should marry me. When he walked up to me in the middle of the kho-kho practice and said so, I laughed my head off and continued to play. He got very offended and didn't talk to me for a whole year. I again considered if I should say yes to him cos I missed all the stories.

But like I said, friends changed every year. And I am not in touch with a single soul.

After this the college was horrible for me. It was the worst 2 years. All girls college. All of them either wanting to be a doctor or an engineer AND a wife. No talk of sports. Mention a boy and they'd go oooooh or chhheeeeee. And endless talks of MTv which was a rage just then (I didn't have cable yet) and Mills n Boons. I'll never forgive my parents for putting me in that college. My father's biggest worry was I was behaving more like a boy than a girl. Well, college didn't help cos half the time I climbed over the compound wall and came back home :P

Life's circles

It has been two years since M's demise and we can't bring ourselves to talk about it without lump in the throat. It is very sad when life's taken away at such an young age. I have been thinking about M for the last few days and today I came across this page for one J Olapally on FB. I didn't know the guy. But reading that page I know I would've liked him. Turns out we had quite a few common friends. He reminded me of M. Not quite the same characters but just that they were loved by all who met them and they both passed away while on a trek and so young.

If there's another world. I hope J & M meet. They'd like each other.

This last week was a reminder of life's circles. on 31st a good friend of mine had a boy baby. On the same day, another friend lost her 7 month old boy to fever. It was heart breaking to talk to the mother. I couldn't let let go of Miss T all day. It rattled me.

Resolutions

Little late in the year you say? Well not really cos these are Birthday resolutions. I have attempted to make and keep new resolutions for a loooong time yes looong time now :) So I thought may be if I make birthday resolutions I might actually keep some of them if not all. And if I make them public (to the 4.5 readers I've got but that's public enough I think)

So here it goes in no particular order

1. Keep writing blogs, articles, fiction...
2. Make some films
3. Teach - anything it is very fulfilling and a great learning experience I've realised.
4. Walk more
5. Introduce Miss T to treks - it might be too early but i will keep it on the list.
6. Reignite romance. No it isn't dead. Just that careers, egos tripping, potty training, teething, sleep, fatigue and all else has taken priority.
7. Learn to blow my own trumpet (at least until others take over :D)
8. Will not take BS from anyone, for anything. Even if I love them to death.

Lets see how this goes.

Unconnected posts

When is one old enough to say NO? All the while when I was a kid I heard NO from every quarter. mostly amma :), teachers and random adults. I was so looking forward to growing up and saying No at will. 3 decades older though I am today, I can't say NO to a lot of people. I can't say NO amma ever (Emotional blackmail kicks off before i can even get to the vowel.) Saying NO to in laws is outlawed. You can't say no to dear friends and not so dear friends lest you hurt them. Thankfully I don't have a boss per se so i don't have to add him or her to this list. May be when I am a crabby 60 year old i can do that. But what's the fun? People will think am the senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it. I want to do it NOW. Even if people say am acting like a senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it :)

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I have been taking Miss T out a lot these days. Meeting people is part of growing up right? So I thought I should use this opportunity and meet Shruthi and Puttacchi. Whom I have known for sometime via the blog. I did meet them briefly a few years ago at the Just Femme Film Festival. So off we went. And what fun we had! Puttacchi was an absolute delight and she played a gracious host to little Miss T. Shruthi and I chatted on with no hesitance whatsoever. Didn't even realise that that we had stayed on longer than originally planned. I hope to do it again :)

S&P thank you :)

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I get to go out twice a week for a few hours, alone. And what a joy it is to be out on my own. I mean, as much as I love Miss T...it is so nice to be out and about. Drive my bike. Meet adults. Have adult conversations. There's a niggling bit of guilt of leaving the baby behind of course. But when I come back Miss T practically jumps into my arms with such squeals of joy that all the guilt vanishes away.

It has been nearly two years since I did things on my own. Little things like buying veggies from the market is a such a joy when you don't have to wait for someone to do it for you!

Here's to freedom. Even if it is twice a week :)

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Squirm!

I hate hate hate hate to admit this, but Ekta Kapoor was not off the mark with her saas bahu sagas. I never thought all those crazy stuff one saw on the idiot box could hit so close to home. It is scaring me!

What is even more scary is that like in serials there is no end to this nonsense. It is an eternal rut and no one tries too hard to get out of it. I can understand why the Queen Bee of TV doesn't want things to end. But the way people accept crap and live with it for absolutely no benefits is unfathomable!

Last post of the year

The year went by super fast! Unlike 2008 that dragged on and on. I have slept less this year than 2001-2002 if that's possible. Why I didn't sleep then i won't tell. But this year was all about Miss T. I can't say it is fun when the child bawls into the night and then into the day leaving you utterly dazed. But the smile she gives you at the end of it makes you forgive her :)

Here's my wish list for 2010

1) I want more sleep

2) Less hormonal for sure

3) More money :)

4) More holidays. How else do I spend all the money?

5) More fun with Miss T

6) More time with V

7) Lesser morons to deal with

8) More friends...umm or may be just the usual ones who are there when you need them

9) More scope for creativity beyond making Miss T eat and sleep.

10 And umm world huh... world peace?

Have a fabulous xmas and a fantabulous new year!

Now off to the seashore I go...in about 4 days but I will be there in 4 days. YAAAAY!

Oh wow it has been long

time since I blogged. Not that I don't have anything to rant about. I just don't have time. Actually I do have time just that I'd prefer to sleep than type :) I came across a quiz on one of those baby / mommy sites where they asked the new mothers what you'd mostly likely do if you had time. And Sleep trumped Sex with more than 50% votes :D

I am having a super fabulous time with Miss T. She came with a personality which she asserts at every situation possible. I am dreading her teenage. God save us!

Only am getting more and more upset at discovering how bloody difficult it is to be a mom and an individual with interests. The interests could be sleep, shopping or a career. It is more difficult than defying aging aunts and wear no jewellery at the wedding. Seriously, the world starts guiltripping you on day one of motherhood. Even before your anesthesia wears off you are bombarded with how can you do this questions. My mom trained me good. I don't easily get blackmailed. Keyword is 'easily' which means occasionally I do fall for it and boy are they melodramatic or what!

Anyways one day while the breeze from the bodhi tree was passing by it occurred to me that I will have to live with this for as long as I live, so no point fighting. I have accepted it, made my peace with it and now I do exactly as I please :D

There is a lot of action planned for the coming year. Hope to tick them off one by one from my to do list. I am so looking forward to 2010. Miss T is one big reason of course but there are other things too. So YAY!

When Insomnia Strikes Randomness Happens

Like Douglas Adams Said In "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" (I Might Be Paraphrasing Here) Putting Things In Capitals Puts Things In Perspective.

While that might be true typing like that is damn hard.

Anyways back to the post. I suddenly realised that I haven't done any post for more than two months and Whizkid too reminded me :) But my head's just in a swirl these days. Sometimes in a good swirl like the swirl of cream you see on top of fancy coffees and sometimes...well just in a swirl.

I am not able to sleep and growing extremely jealous of V snoring away and Miss T blissfully smiling in her sleep. So am gonna VENT. (Do not read further if you are feeling happy or hoping for some insightful post)

1) Why the effin hell would people want to complicate their lives? I have heard such complicated love stories and family sagas that they make Ekta Kapoor's imagination seem tame!

2) Problems do not go away in life. They are just waiting to delurk when you are happiest.

3) If you don't start it right...you never live it right and possibly won't end it right. And more often than not the starting point is not your hands.

4) Talking things over is the simplest of all joys in any kinda relationship. But that's the hardest thing to do it seems.

5) For the Nth time I want magic in my life. Why isn't there a Hogwarts equivalent to go to at 30? You need magic as you grow older. When you are younger you do think you can "do" everything :)

6) I am loving the internet all the more. I keep up with friends and shop without actually going out. And of course vent like this.

7) I only watch the scrolls run by on news channels (on mute). I turn on the volume only when I cannot find entertainment anywhere else.

8) I have become incapable of reading any newspaper that's not The Hindu.

9) I am very frustrated at car becoming the only mode of transportation in my life :(

10) I can play with Miss T for hours on end. I am very flattered by the attention she gives me and unnerved by the faith she has in me.

11) I am getting better at saying "no"

12) I am learning to be diplomatic...Please to be noting the "tense"

13) I am trying very hard not to swear. But it is too damn hard :D

Like always I am gonna stop at number 13. Now I think I should be able to sleep. And hopefully post something more readable next time around.

I am out in the sea

And the sea is PINK. As averse as I am to pink, everything around me is pink for the last month and possibly stay so for a long time to come. And one is actually liking most of the pink. When it is on Little Miss T that is :) I don't like the pink weighing machine, or that feeding bottle and the Barbie Pink ( what we Kannadigas lovingly refer to as Mithai pink) diaper bag.

PUHLEEEEEZ!!!!! Miss T looks gorgeous in Pink but don't make me wear it. I even have a book titled "A guide to girl babies, an owner's manual" with a Pink cover!

But the title of the post, out in sea isn't just figurative. I literally feel like that most of the time! And the opinions that bombard you left right and centre and in between don't make things easier!!!

But this is one roller coaster ride I am not willing to get off :D

Next post when I can find time that is...will be on the madness of it all which no one tells you :)

Spoilers in life

When it comes to money, be it best friends or your closest relative it doesn't take much for things to go sore.

Twice now I have been on the receiving end of deception with a straight face. And then they go on pretending to be your best friend or your well wishing uncle or aunt.

Incredible things people can do for money.

On the verge of third such deception I am dearly hoping it doesn't happen. Cos it is pretty hard to trust people or help them out in need without having to fight deception every single time.

Let's see how this one goes.

A stitch in time...huh!

The first time I was introduced to stitching was in class 7. We used to have mandatory craft sessions post final exams. And we were taught stitching and embroidery that year. We had to bring a piece of white cloth and some coloured threads. The intention was to make an embroidered kerchief. I hated it! Did not complete the little red flower with chain stitch borders. Amma who was by then pretty much convinced that I'd not do anything "girlie" in life kept that piece for posterity. Which she also used to prove at regular intervals that I never completed anything I started. Sure enough she had plenty of opportunities to wave that little white cloth in front of me.

Meanwhile my hatred for stitching continued unabated. I was very careful about not tearing clothes cos then I'd have to stitch it. Amma was generous enough to handle anything that happened to my favourite clothes. Otherwise I managed with safety pins for years on end. If my needle and thread prowess was a criteria for marriage I'd have remained single! It was a running joke in the family that I'd never have those romantic stitching based moments with my husband. Remember those movie scenes where the husband realises just before leaving for office that one of his shirt buttons are off and there his handy wife with a needle and thread fixing it in a jiffy? That's what I was deprived of (I am not complaining :) So one of the mandotory questions for V apart from if he liked garlic was if he can stitch. He could tolerate garlic and could do his own buttons. That settled many a domestic issues that would've cropped if not already discussed.

I continued my friendship with safetypin for years post marriage too. Then I went for Sav's wedding. I knew the girl was creative but the handiwork she had shown on her wedding trousseau truly amazed me. She had great influence from her ever creative mother and aunt too. The three together looked like needle and thread goddesses to me. I came back mighty impressed. Then I told myself that if Sav can do fancy emboidery then at least I can attempt stitching and that it wasn't very adult like to use safety pins. And it wasn't too domestic to use needle and thread either. (Somehow that was a connection in my head. I didn't see stitching as a survival skill. Cos when in class 7 while the girls were asked to embroider, the boys were doing something with batteries and cars. A girl had to stitch you say so I won't do it...one of those causeless rebellions of my life). Gradually stitches replaced safety pins. So much so that the pins completely dissappeared from my house. Amma was relieved and V was amused. Sav was duly acknowledged :)

I even enjoy embroidery and stitching these days. Do little projects and am very proud of it. It is surely a creative outlet when one is stuck for ideas. But if someone makes it an issue of womanhood or motherhood then it is another thing. But till then I am having fun.

Inspired!

After a very very very very very (you get the point right?) long time I am feeling inspired. I think with all the inaction one was getting restless anyways and then came along Anthony Bourdain. Yes the same bad mouthing, alcohol abusing, tongue in cheek chef who's so popular that he has his own page on facebook - Anthony Bourdain. I am reading his book "Kitchen Confidential" and only 1/3 through and I am inspired. Not to be chef or cook better in my kitchen kinda inspired but to go after what I love most. I have never been fortunate enough to have mentor at any stage in my life. I have had to figure it all out (if at all) on my own. Somehow mentors either never came along or chose more prodigious souls (HUMPH) to mentor, leaving me tottering around.

Coming back to the book it is all about cooking only. Mr Bourdain isn't pretentious enough to claim the book is to inspire all and sundry or inspire at all. He's clear his book is for those from that line. He says it is all written in "kitchenese" and it is...half of the stuff I read didn't make sense. But it is inspiring nevertheless. And Big Foot reminds me of a certain professor in college. I don't think I was ready for K** then but now I am. Even if it is in a very Ekalavya and Dronacharya style (Corny I know :)

I will write about the book in my other blog shorlty and probably announce my inspired plans on this one hopefully not very long way from now. Till then long live the power of words.

Imposition

Back then one only wrote "I will not talk in the class" or "I will complete my maths classwork on time." I hated them then (primary school was ages ago eh!) But over the past week or so I have this immense need to remind myself of a few things constantly. I am scared out of my wits with all the infringement of fundamental rights and safety in the name of religion. I shudder at the thought of living in the stone ages, just cooking, cleaning and reproducing...which is what we are expected to do looks like. And hence the need to remind myself that all is not lost. What better way to do it than the age old method...reiteration or imposition if you like. Albeit with a tech twist to it. Since I can't put pen to paper for anything beyond writing down phone numbers or addresses. I am doing it here.

I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life

It didn't really work for my teachers back then, as in I didn't stop talking or keep my classwork up to date or anything. But I remember I didn't do that. So I am hoping this exercise will keep reminding me.

PS: I typed in all that no C&P!

So what do you do?

Since I started freelancing and Just Femme and all that I am very cautious of my answer. I prefer not bring up journalism, women's magazine or film making when I have more than 2 people of company because then there is a general uproar around. People say things like oh so you work for discovery? Or so you are the next Barkha Dutt or launch into this oh the media these days is so screwed up, did you see the coverage of such and such an incident spiel and go on to show off their expertise on how it should have been covered. The standard refrain is of course "I should be careful of what I say, you journlaists are dangerous. "

It is insanely boring I tell you. If I had a rupee for every time I heard that I wouldn't think twice about going to PVR thrice a month! So I sometimes end up telling strangers (whom I am sure I shall never meet again) that I am a housewife. Then they have nothing to say to me no opinions whatsoever. They won't even talk to me about saas-bahu serials or the maids. I am talking about the educated upwardly mobile junta not your regular I have to spend 3 hours going to Mysore sitting next to you so might as well make friends with you kind of people. Them I have no issues with I have told them about my profession and have had intelligent discussions both related and unrelated to my profession.

Now I have a very different problem. The last of my writing assignments is done with. I have no new assignments (my own doing I must confess). I was beginning to feel like I had nothing new to say! No films and of course Just Femme is waiting on the back burner (JF I am mighty upset about. It is my baby). I always thought that I was the kind of person who had things outside of my work to do. But then I liked them so much that it became my work (I didn't start as a journalist that came much much later) and so am stuck now! I am seriously sitting and waiting for inspiration to strike me. Sigh......

Hmmm :)

I don't make too many plans in life. But I hate it when the few plans I make don't work out. I had exactly 3.5 plans for this year and nothing even took off till September!

Last few months (to be precise 7 months) have been the craziest, weirdest and at times even hopelessly depressing phase of my recent adulthood memory. At the beginning of September I was actually hoping that I would wake up the next morning and it would be 2009. (I know that wouldn't make the problems go away but at least it would be a brand new year.)

And then I had this epiphany that I was trying too hard at everything. It is always a problem when one tries too hard. But the problem is I cannot sometimes (err not being honest I know but what the heck it is my version of the story) let go till I am all twisted and exhausted. And then the breeze from the far away Bodhi Tree hits me and there is enlightenment---tadaaa like that!

Anyways, I gave up trying too hard (for now anyway) And life was looking up a little bit. And then something happened that might just make this year very special. It was one of the many things that was driving me up the wall and down the drain depending on the time of the day. From a year that was to be the worst in my recent memory to a year to be remembered for ever, I'd say I don't mind that at all :)

Aside: I am trying very hard to complete the book "You are here" by Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan. And I cannot help wonder why I can't write a book and may be win a Pulitzer if not a Nobel. Sure I don't have a cat and I am not 25. But I am past 30 and know enough about cats, dogs and even some wild animals for a good measure. Not to forget the men I've known (In what way well you just have to wait for my book.) I will do review of this book the day I finish reading the darn book. I do want to finish reading it by 25 October because there is no way I am gonna pay fine for this book! Bad enough I have to pay 19 bucks for borrowing it.

Many things

After a looong time we took a break and had a superb holiday in Coonoor. Great view, super fresh air, misty mornings, ginger tea, pepper rasam, hours of un interrupted reading, long walks in the drizzling rain. It couldn't have been better :)

I finished reading the mega novel kaanooru heggaDithi by Kuvempu in just 2 days. A feat unimaginable back at home! Even V, who's reading speed is one page a week, finished a book there!

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V & I have become ammavan and ammaayi over the weekend. It is amazing what the birth of a baby can do to a family. It mellows down people. Make the most unemotional of people joyous to no end. What is even more amazing to me though is how everyone claims the baby looks exactly like him or her!

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There was a time...not too long ago when I despised routine. I refused to do anything that was routine (excepting things related to hygiene let me assure you) But these days I find myself, putting things on a routine.

"Lets go for walks every morning"
"Lets call Ammumma every sunday evening"
"I will call mom every evening ar around 8"
"Lets fill our fridge every weekend"
"Lets plan a trip every 3 months or so"

I even plan ahead of most events! Something I can blame V for completely. He loves to plan. I had heard that after 7 years of marraige the couple become like each other. But I find myself changing while V is pretty much intact (I am sure he will disagree). Is that strange? or is it normal?

Realisation

This is fresh, just an hour old...I am incapable of doing one thing at a time! See, I always have been doing more than one thing at a time. Like reading 2 books together (no in a very logical way don't imagine crazy), or doing my job and studying, or having a huge fight with my other and at the same time writing long love notes. I've always done things like that. But now I fiddle with my phone when I am talking to people. I browse when I am watching TV. I read when I am watching TV. I am listening to music when I am cooking. I am constantly multi-tasking. Not a good thing eh!

Back from a hiatus

This is the longest I have been away from my blog. Not that I didn't have enough to say but had absolutely no time. But I was peeking into other blogs, it is amazing how one gets used to checking on people through their blogs...Especially the ones you know only through blogs like Shruthi and her Puttachi (who incidentally turned 1 this May), or ILL (who's posts I love!) or Biker Dude (whom I turn to when I need that dose of humour to revive myself)

This is a good way to relieve stress when you don't have the time (or sometimes even the energy) to get in touch with real people...

April and May were absolutely crazy! June is promising to be hectic too but I am gonna take a call on that. Though the last 2 months were crazy I loved most of it :D Here's why

I spent 4 weeks in IIMB on campus, in their classrooms, listening to the brightest of professors rattle off theories that actually made sense to me. It was an absolutely fantabulously awesome experience. And I am proud to say today I am an Alumni of IIMB (so what if I didn't pay 9 lakhs :)

I met some incredibly strong, brave and fabulous women there. And I am very happy to have met these women and spent the time with them. The age group was 19 to 55 and every bit entertaining, educating and enriching all the while.

After a very long time I have made friends who's wavelength matches mine and might remain friends for good :) You will understand the excitement around this one if you've been outta college for over 3 years at least or have lost all your friends to either marriage, babies or foreign shores. It is unbelievably difficult to make friends outside of college or work place and I being out of both, had pretty much given up on making new friends EVER. So this was good. Not that I don't have friends now, I do but I am very greedy when it comes to it.

Now for the not so nice parts of the last 2 months.

The worst being the loss of M. It is a month since he left us...I still cannot believe it!

My experience with one of the doctors in the city was horrifying to say the least. Seriously economics are important I understand that but you are a bloody doctor. You are supposed to be nice to people not treat them like a scientific experiment gone wrong...the one that will pay tons of money at that!

My Ajji isn't doing well and she's been in and out of hospital all of May. I met her yesterday and her grit just amazed me. She's 98 , has gone completely blind in the last one year and all the hospital visits in the last month has left her bedridden. But her sense of humour is absolutely intact. She told me yesterday that she went for voting and has demanded 6k from the candidate (he won incidentally and has been the family's favourite MLA for as long as I can remember) She says it is about time her loyalty paid dividends :)

Alright that is a long post...how's that for a come back? I hope I've not lost those 5 readers who'd check in here once in a while.

I am back for good people :)