Monday, September 13, 2010

Corny existential stuff

I don't usually do these kinds of posts. But then this is my vent space and these days my only vent space. so...

Do you ever get a feeling that you have changed so much that you can't figure out yourself? Well I feel like that these days. (I told you it was corny)

The image, that was me and the new and not necessarily improved me, (post baby) is almost irreconcilable. I can't seem to get a hold of things. The control freak that I am...hate it. Totally abhor it. I was never the fixed routine kind of person anyways. But all impulses and the reaction to it was all mine. These days I just react. And not always nicely. There is no mindspace to think, create, execute outside of Miss T's diet plans. And as much as I love that child, that isn't enough.

I didn't realise how bad it was to not have a career till now. I don't work full time. Worse, I work from home; so I can't claim to be a career woman and I am not your typical homemaker either (no offence to homemakers). I am in my own little trishanku swarga.

And I swear I could do with a LOT less guilt. I am prone to guilt and then there are people to make it worse. There is no getting away from people is there?

I have no clue on the way forward. May be it'll just occur to me in my sleep. Or may be I'll just get used to this.

PHHHHHBBBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT

3 comments:

I love Lucy said...

I have no words of wisdom to impart but I do know that this too shall pass since identifying the problem is half the battle won right there.

Abhipraya said...

Thanks ILL. Welcome back. How are you?

stonetemplepilot said...

soon this phase too will come to pass! and sooner than you think Miss T would be giving you a diet plan! :)