Avial, backwaters and boiled beans

This post has long been coming. I really don't know how it got to this. I only know how it started. It started with my husband, V. For all you creatures with fertile imagination out there I am not talking about Miss T's origins. I am talking about the "Mal" madness in my life.

The reason for the review of situation is that even a random google search for an illustrator throws a up a mal woman's blog (she does beautiful illustrations). I decided I need to re-examine my life's choices and see what brought this on.

I grew up with the jokes of Malayalee having set up tea shop before Armstrong landed on Moon and malayalee woman's version of eLu ghante (Kannada words meaning 7 O clock) turning out to be eLu ganda (meaning 7 husbands) due to the nasal twang. And till this post I thought I didn't know many mals while growing up. Turns out I am wrong.

We bought groceries from a Mal shop. The biggest grocery store in the area where we went when we wanted exotic ingredients for cakes and ice cream was a Mal shop. Amma bought her sarees from this very lovely lady whom I only remember as girija's amma. One of my many best friends from school was a Mal girl. The bakery that sold the yummiest coconut biscuits was run by sajina's dad, a Mal. Sajina and I spend quite a bit of time rioting through the shop and hauling off huge caches of coconut biscuits, those animal shaped biscuits (do you get them now?) and rose cooks (that's acchappam :) And some of my parents' friends who plied us with yummy X mas and new year cakes were Mal. One of the nicest boy friends of one my friend was a Mal. I was so upset that they didn't get married that I moped around for months.

Though after school, I didn't come across any Mals for a long time. Then I met these two guys Ajay and Bijay in the computer classes. The two of them were this ultra lecherous creatures that we girls refused to even look at. That put me off all things Mal for a long time.

Then came V. I didn't even think of the fact that he was "Mal" till we decided to tell our parents that we were getting married! V says he swept me off the feet but I maintain that it was temporary amnesia.

Now comes the bewildering part. Ever since V, pretty much every other person I have met and become friends with is a Mal. Journalism college was full of Mal people. And these lovely Mal people I am friends with are somehow married to other wonderful Mal people (I say somehow cos I din't think that was the primary criteria). Through my work I've met a lot of people and mostly Mal. The people I've met via blogs are Mals and so the list goes on. Today I don't have more than half a dozen people on my phone book to whom I can send funny Kannada SMS to. The Mals on the other hand make up more than half of my phone book. Any given day for a quick get together, between V's and my contact list, I'll be the one inviting more Mal friends than him!

The fact that the Mals are out to conquer the world (I truly believe they will one day soon) cannot be the only reason for this phenomenon, right? And I am sure it is not the case of new convert trying to prove that she's as good as any. This is a bit of a puzzle really.

Having confessed to this Mal madness. I have to say this. I don't like Avial (Although I can make a good Avial) I am very wary of young men who've never stepped out of Kerala till they are 21. Like one my friend rightly said most of them are "vaayinokkal parties" (for exact translation turn to the Mal next to you). For the life of me I can't figure out why women can't ring temple bells in God's own country! And Mal friends are fun. Mal families is a different matter altogether. It is like the difference between being tourist and an emigrant :)

The momentous post

Last few days I have been feeling like Sachin Tendulkar on 98. I realised that the previous post was 249th one. And so I was going to write the 250th one; which for some reason I thought should be very interesting, or funny or at least about some earth shattering discovery I had made. Well nothing of that sort happened. So here I am writing my 250th post in true blue random style, with unrelated topics :)

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Bangalore has had no water for the most part for the last two days and the situation will continue to be this scary for the next two days. I happened to mention this to one young thing (read 21) and without batting an eyelid she says "oh you took all the water from Tamil Nadu and now you don't have water? Serves you right!" I was too stunned to reply. How early do these parochial mindsets begin?

And as for water situation don't ask, I am living my mother's nightmare. We've got a notice up in the apartment asking us residents to avoid washing clothes and bathing for the next few days for god sake! We are stocking up on wet wipes so that we can follow these instructions!

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I recently started on Twitter (very reluctantly I might add) because of JustFemme I have still not got the hang of all the tweeting ethics and follow and unfollow funda. But I am amazed how many people use it. Not the least because the whole Tharoor-Modi-IPL thing kicked off on Twitter. And the media's blinkered coverage of this whole episode astounds me! No one's asking the right questions. I am no big fan of Tharoor. But my sympathies are with him on this. To say the brazenness of Modi is shocking is an understatement. I am wondering how much dirty linen the guy must be hoarding to be this bold (or arrogant). Nothing will come off this. IPL drama will continue. No murky details will be unearthed or at least made public. And what will happen of Tharoor and the mysterious Sunanda Pushkar, I am not too sure. But I'll say this, if this Pushkar lady wasn't this good looking and glamorous we wouldn't see her pictures so often. I mean how often did we see the ex-wife of Shoaib Malik? No am not being condescending but it is a fact.

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Bangalore beku Bengaluru Beda

Bengaluru must look like an excavation site if you took an aerial view just now. Broken buildings, bowels of earth upturned, uprooted trees. Crazy traffic situation. Angry people who don't know whom to direct the anger at, roam the streets (only inch by inch mind you.) Only to find at the end of the road that it is the end of the road with nowhere to turn because it is dug up.

Frustrating is an understatement. Autos rule the roost because they get to charge extra. Halla ide madam (the roads craters) they say. One has to walk for miles to a bus stop. Because? the roads are dug up.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH Bring back my Bangalore. Take back this Bengaluru. I don't want this.

dundu mallige

When we decided on this apartment the main reason for choosing a ground floor was the fact that i can have a little garden and see a piece of the sky when I stepped out. But then once we settled in we realised the apartment association had stipulations on what to grow and what not to grow in the garden. They love croutons and croutons only. Very few flowering plants and absolutely no veggies. No sir that would bring down the value of the apartment! And I tried to grow a little hibiscus plant and every time the poor thing grew a little taller than what is thought aesthetically correct the gardener chops it off. It is an eternal fight!

Somehow in the milieu of ever changing gardeners, one of them thought it was a good idea to plant jasmines. None of them survived except for the one right outside my door. Every year around this time it flowers. There is such palpable excitement about it. Women, old and young stop to see how many have bloomed. And pluck one or two. They love to stop by and talk to me about how wonderful it is to grow jasmine. And to see it bloom. We discuss why the others didn't survive while this did. My cook's daily routine is to count the number of buds and wonder about the one or two missing. She tries to encourage me to wear one on my hair. I love jasmines but the moment i wear it I get a mother of all headaches. So I stay away from them. A reason not good enough for my cook.

Today even the water delivery guy stood to admire the jasmines. "Madam mallige hoova bittide" he told me excitedly.

When there is such incredible excitement about it then why would the association not want flowering plants? Since when did a bit colourful blossoms started playing such vital role in real estate prices?

I don't get them. They even pulled out my lemon grass plant when I wans't looking because it was growing very unruly! I don't want your manicured gardens! Give me Cubbon Park over Lalbagh any day!

It is because of this apathy only that Bangalore is losing its green cover and turning hotter by the day!

PS: The title of the post is the name of the jasmine in front of my house.

Yeh hai filmy chakkar

Once upon a time Hindi was at the most the third language for most kids who attended schools with state syllabus here in Bangalore. Kannada was either the first language or second depending on the medium of the school. But these days even the neighbourhood school that runs in the 2-storey crumbling building with 5 teachers for a student population of 300 has Hindi as the second language! No I am not about rake up the issue of Hindi vs Kannada here. Not yet anyways :P I have been wondering why it feels so bizarre to be surrounded by Hindi speaking population in Bangalore. 8 out of 10 of my neighbours speak Hindi. I am surprised to hear children scream at each other Hindi. Of course the obvious reason is the migratory population from up north. But I thought I should've got used to it by now. But no.

Everytime I hear a child scream "tum apne aapko bahut smart samajhte ho" or an adult say "breakfast mein alu ke paranthe tho bahut healthy hote hai ji" I am a bit taken aback. And here's my theory on why that happens. For me Hindi was always the language of television and movies. All through 80s and a large part of 90s Hindi was the language of what was not real (I am resisting the temptation to say "fantasy language") One romanced in Hindi or one cracked surd jokes (now considered politically incorrect of course) one even made up silly poetry or rattled dialogues from Ramayan and Mahabharath of DD fame to entertain one another (Oh c'mon I know you loved speaking words like "vats" and "hey nath") At the most one had to struggle to get some decent marks by byhearting answers worth 50 marks for the final exams. But never had to speak or heard someone speak. It seriously sounds all too filmy to me! Come ot think of it that is probably why I took to speak the language in the first place :D

Long pending post...The women won't take it quietly!

I was to do this post last to last weekend but due to various technical problems I couldn't. Anyway here it is the pictures of the protest in front of the IGP's office in Bangalore about all the attacks on women in Bangalore. There was a good turn out. Media was present in full glory. The DG Mr Sharma promised action in five days, I am not sure what came of it. Will it have the desired results? I don't know. But it sure felt good to take some action. And I know I am not alone and I know I am demanding my basic rights to be restored and not some exotic thing that makes no sense (although a a friend of mine from the media who was covering the event was sure this was all a bloody farce since most of the women were wearing coolers and sipping coke while protesting!!!)

Here are some pictures from 7th March 2009

One more girl attacked near Mount Carmel college

That's 5 in a row if any one's counting. This time it was a journalist from Tehelka who was returning late from work. Here's The Hindu report on it.

All those people who are out there who've been screaming hoarse about this being a trivial issue, you still think so? This is not some class based issue that the elite (which basically means independent women with means to wear western clothes and probably own a bike or a car in this context) women are facing. This could be any woman on the street! And you still think it's too small an issue? WOW! How frustrated must that soul be by the progress of women? Seriously!

Action items from Fearless Karnataka / Nirbhaya Karnataka

Email Campaign write to the state Home Minister and Ministry of Home Affairs at the centre for more details go here

On March 7 a rally is being organised to meet the DG-IGP and submit a petition. More details as they emerge.

One more young girl was beaten up for wearing western attire

This was on Cunningham road yesterday. That stretch of the road could not possibly be more crowded at 6 and still no one helped the girl. The curious behaviour of the bystander continues.

The other interesting thing that's happening today is the sms doing the rounds asking women to be careful of their "dress code" due to these attacks. These are messages forwarded by "well meaning" women to warn their friends. Well no one's going to help and one cannot learn martial arts in a day so lets be safe seems to be the thinking. I cannot ask these women not to behave so. I have no solution for them or myself.

This prejudice against jeans i find it very funny at this point. I have been wearing jeans since I was 17 that's practically a decade and a half ago. My mother and I went to sale and Safina Plaza and bought my very first branded jeans. I had worn trousers before that but jeans this was the first. I didn't have to fight anyone for it. My mother was as enthu as me about it. My dad didn't think twice about it. It was just another outfit they were buying for their daughter. And they are as "Indian culure" oriented as one can get. Wearing them hasn't come in the way of being an Indian in anyway so far. They never for once thought this would draw more "attention" to me because they knew it wasn't true. If anything by my experience and theirs my worst nightmare happened when I was wearing a saree.

I have celebrated almost all festivals since then. I have cooked and cleaned my house, got married and now even going to have a baby. I know that's a very shallow description on the culture but that isn't mine it is what everyone tells me Indian culture is, so am just going along with that for now. But wearing jeans is still a big cultural change for many women even in a city like Bangalore even today. It is a big change. Some have to fight for it for some it is natural. But at the end of the day it is comfortable outfit. Of course right now it is taking on almost political role.

A lot of the people (needless to say mostly men and shockingly some women too) are finding this whole "hullabaloo" about the freedom to wear western clothes by women extremley silly and even irresponsible. We have bigger issues to worry about like falling GDP and the farmer suicides in vidarbha they say. My question is none of these men who are leaving scathing comments on blogs or the ones attacking the women are wearing dhoties and being shirtless are they? Nor are they using bullock carts to go after these women. Strange. Since when is trousers, tshirts and SUVs for men part of indian culture?

Being harassed on the streets is not new to any indian woman. At some point of time every one of us have been through the humiliation of "eve teasing." Some took it quitely, others rebelled and a few others killed themselves over it. This recent incident of mangalore pub attack or the attacks on the women in Bangalore are just the last straw we can take. And for once it looks like we might not be alone. That we might have a chance at being safe in our own bloody country without looking over our shoulders all the time or having to carry pepper spray or pocket knives and hope to hell that we don't have to use it. How are we women the lesser citizens of this country?

Female foeticide, infanticide, dowry, rape, molestation, sexual harrasment and now getting beaten up for wearing jeans. You are basically telling me I have no rights to live. I am not going to take that lying down. I have worked my ass off and fought a lot of battles to be who I am today and no one but me worked hard to buy those friggin branded jeans and I am keeping them. You can take a walk.

They are at it again

This time for wearing "western attire" I'd like to know what their agenda is. Create panic? Gain political mileage? Just plain frustration? And how come no onlookers came to help? Well I never expect them to because it is more fun watching someone else in trouble right? It isn't you or it isn't someone you know so it is technically not your problem right?

But beating up women in broad day light? Read the report here

I am seriously looking for another city to move in...or may be a planet might be a better solution. But till then what can one do?

My sentiments exactly!

Here's a Bangalore Mirror article on this whole V-day drama. I couldn't have agreed with her more!

Ammu Joseph starts are article with "I never thought I would find myself sticking up for Valentine’s Day..." Exactly what I have been feeling since the whole issue flared up. To read the entire article go here.

Although I do wonder what media will report about post V-day...

Protesting in the cyber world

This whole M'lore pub story put me great distress. I felt very helpless and cornered. I can do very little than to protect myself if anything like that happens right? What else can one do? Well in this e-era, help is just a click away.

Look at this http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=50104245901&ref=nf

I don't know if any of the people who created the ruckus read these things or care for it. But I guess it makes one feel better. It is the easy way out isn't it? But till I figure out a concrete way, this should do.

And here's a slightly more concrete action one can take. Join the pinkchaddi campaign. Yes you read it right. Go here for more details. Very innovative. Will it work? I don't know. But one should keep trying isn't it?

I want security, not just on valentines' day!

Alright now! I have had enough! Now we have the police commissioner Mr Bidari promising that people who want to celebrate valentine's day will be provided full security!

Really? security to celebrate valentine's day? What about my right to step out of my house, travel in the bus to wherever and come back without being whistled at, grabbed at and generally made to feel miserable at being a woman for all these years and future? Will you be as explicit in your promise? I agree the media is taking you to the guillotine with it. But you caved in... like this?

Then there is Mr Agni Sridhar with his 30,000 volunteers to protect the couples on valentine's day. I'd have been happier if he continues his offer and help protect women at all times from being molested, harassed, raped. What a wonderful idea that you can reach any one of those 30,000 fellow citizens at the time of distress. But this one day in a year vigilance and that too valentine's day?

Have they missed the point here? Or have I missed the point here?

What the?

My house is about to be flooded anytime now...All day we've waited for it. Now it has started raining again and there's general gloom. I've packed my precious books and some clothes on to the attic and waiting...waiting to get flooded.

I am cursing all those people who have made Bangalore a living hell by cutting off trees and constructing buildings on lakes, lake beds and every where else.

I am cursing my own people because we only curse at a time like this but tomorrow when the sun shines again we forget all about it and go on living...forgetting to take action...choosing not to vote.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

Hoot Hoot Hoot :)

Twice in six months. In May this year I spotted this owl staring down at me from one of the palm trees at the IIM corridors (it sure does pay to stay back after class in the name of library references :) And then today it flew right across me on my own terrace! I don't get to see many birds around here mind you. There's just miles of concrete jungle how can there be birds? But then there it was flying right across me and I followed it to the closest dome. but it sensed me and flew to the neighbour's terrace. Then we stared at each other for long time before it slid away quietly into the darkness. My otherwise boring day was made :)

This was a barn owl. Once they lived amidst luscious foliage in the outskirts of the city but with our greed for roads and buildings we've pretty much wiped out their habitat. But these fellows aren't giving up easily. They have adapted to the concrete jungles and find high rise apartments very inviting. Sadly these fellows get killed or injured when they come and nest in the buildings owing to superstition. I am not much for superstition but how about the story that Owl is the official vehicle of Goddess Lakhsmi? She'd be more pleased with you if you let her "vaahana" survive than putting up a bronze owl on your door isn't it? Apparently there is a Bangalore Barn Owl Conservation Group do check it out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Professor Hucchuraya" a film made in 1974 had the inimitable Narasimharaju playing the lead role. I don't remember much of the film except that the story was around arranging a marriage. Hucchuraya is called in to Bangalore to sort out a much muddled love story and steer it to the happily ever after. But the introductory scene of Hucchuraya landing in Bangalore is something that I have never forgotten. He gets off a Tonga in what is supposed to be Malleshwaram if I remember it right and tries to ask the people walking up the street about the address he's looking for. Every time he asks someone the response comes in a different language - Malayalam, Tamil, Telugu probably even Hindi. And he turns to the camera and says "is this still Bangalore the capital of Karnataka or have I landed in some other place?" This is 1974 mind you and namma bengaLooru has only gotten better over the years. Now the situation is so bad that if you speak in Kannada people turn to you and say "oh kannaDa heg kalitri?" How did you learn Kannada. A question that makes me indignant needless to say. What do you mean HOW? I am a Kannadiga that's how. A friend of mine once pointed out that I was not a Kannadiga but Mangalorean !!!! I will not describe what happened to her post that question.

When we moved into this apartment after four years of touring Tamil Heartland I was so glad that I didn't have to point out the paruppus to the shopkeeper when I run out of it and that I could actually speak without wondering if I am making a fool of myself. But the truth dawned on me the day we landed back here. The auto fellows always ask "kidhar jaana madam?"where do you want to go? The shop fellows will say "madam ek dum fresh item hai abhi aaya hai" madam it is very fresh came today only. When I reply promptly reply in Kannada they look utterly startled and say "eshTu chennagi kannaDa maataDteera madam" - How well you speak Kannada. GRRRRRRR

Later I bought Worldspace simply because I happened to hear some of the most divine Kannada Sugama Sangeetha (Light music) compositions at Bheema's restaurant on Church Street. I shocked the waiters there by asking them what cassettes they were playing. They were so thrilled with my curiosity that they rattled off the whole programme schedule of the channel. So every morning I would crank up the volume and play the Sparsha Channel. One day I hear the doorbell and there's the milkman at my door with a very puzzled look. And then with some hesitancy he blurts "neevu kannaDa haaDu kELtheera? Do you listen to Kannada songs? Now it's my turn to look puzzled. Without waiting for my answer he says but I thought you just spoke Kannada you are a Kannadiga aren't you? That is so nice. I am fed up of talking in Hindi and goes away.

I've had auto drivers look at me like I am some new species when I speak to them in Kannada. I once asked an auto driver who's name was Hanumanthappa (can't get more Kannadiga than that) if he's converted to be a Delhiite because despite me speaking to him in Kannada he kept answering me in Hindi.

Why is it that people are so surprised when I speak Kannada IN Bangalore? More importantly why am I a Hindi speaking person and not Tamil, Telugu or Marathi speaking? These questions have been nagging me for the last 1.5 years and here are possible answers - some my theories and some reasons provided by good Samaritans.

1) Most obvious reason - Bangalore IS the second Delhi at this point of time.
2) People suddenly realised Hindi is our national language and so the renewed enthusiasm in speaking it (though I doubt this)
3) I was once told that I wear western clothes and hence had to be Hindi speaking. Reaaaaaally now?
4) My car is TN registration and hence I must be Hindi speaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) I have a nose ring like Sania Mirza. Do you mind she's a Hyderabadi which is in the south of the Vindhyas get your geography right man!

I almost did an MA in Kannada because I thought I would forget what I knew. What with just about 4 people in my life who can speak to me in Kannada!

True blue Bangaloreans?

"Ek roti tees paise bekadre vayinko lyakpote get out" which in English means "one roti costs 30 paise buy it if you want else get out"

This was the result was the collective creativity of we second graders many many years ago. I don't remember if I was part of the creative team (not even sure if it was one of us or someone else in this wide wide world) but I sure thought it was very clever and never missed an opportunity to flaunt it. My parents thought it was funny the first 2 times I said it but not so funny after a dozen times.

I recently remembered this because V & I still speak like this at times. It goes like this.

Me: Is that chapati soft?
V: yeah aaj kal teek hi banta hai. (these days it's like this)
Me: What do you mean? Idukku munnadi ippadi kedayada? (earlier it was not like this?)
V: Not like that. Munnaadiya vide ippo nalla irukku (no it's better than before)
Me: Naaleyinda neene maadko haagadre (you make the chapathis from tomorrow)
V: No aisa nahi yaar... (I didn't mean it that way)

See what I mean? There are reasons why we speak like this. In order to explain the reasons I'll have to start from the start.

My parents are quite linguists themselves. Being from Dakshina Kannada (DK) they automatically speak 2 languages Tulu (they both spoke two different versions of this) and Kannada. In addition to that they were people with loads of friends and so they understood Konkani and Malayalam.

And then they moved to Bangalore (where the Kannada is very different) and this being the ever cool cosmopolitan city their language skills only got better. Mom taught Kannada in a school where the majority of the population was Tamil speaking (both teachers and students). So she learnt that too. She can put any Tamilian to shame with her Tamil now. I was born into this high pressure learning zone. It so happened that the family that agreed to look after me when both of them were at work was Marathi speaking. So the first language I learnt was not Tulu or Kannada but Marathi!. Mom says she had to keep the girl from the family around in the evenings to converse with me. After a while they couldn't take it any more and decided I would go with Dad to office to get Marathi out of my system. It helped that Dad was running his own business. I don't speak a word of Marathi anymore but can understand some.

I was put in the same school that Amma taught and so I too learnt Tamil in addition to English and the mandatory third language Hindi. National language took centre-stage in my life with advent of Doordarshan. I learnt all my spoken Hindi through Ramayana, Mahabharatha , Buniyaad and of course Amitabh Bachan and Mithun Chakraborthy movies. I owe it all to the idiot box and the celluloid...

Later in college I was introduced to Ghalib and Jagjit Singh and so Urdu entered my vocabulary. And simply by the virtue of being in Bangalore Telugu was inducted somewhere down the lane. During college and initial office days Hindi and English was the mainstay. What with half the office filled with junta from every other state.

Then I moved to Tamil Nadu. Where my Tamil language skills were refined. I even learnt to read a bit (how else does one get into the buses there?) What was supposed to be a brief one month stay turned out to be 4 year long sojourn through the Tamil Heartland. Today I can speak Iyer aathu Tamizh to Madurai Coimbatore sing song to murderous Tamil they speak in Chennai. My first big job as journo was with a Hindi news channel and so watching all those 70s and 80s Bollywood cinema finally paid off. Soon I was not only having day to day conversations in Hindi but filing stories in Hindi from Tamil Nadu mind you...(albeit typed it all in English. The producers tried very hard to make us learn Hindi typing but that was the limit) In the midst of it all Malayalam the only other south Indian language I didn't learn all these years was making way into my system...I fell for and married a Mal guy! So now I had that too to learn (how else could I hope to impress my in laws my charms weren't family friendly!) Now V himself was quite a linguist. Mal guy brought up in TN and then did his college in Hindi heartland! So dating days we spoke Hindi, Tamil and English. Poor guy even pretended to understand all the Urdu poetry I would let off :D

So between us we had about five languages. Hence the confusion!

And last year we had a brain wave and decided to add some international flavour to this confusion we took up Spanish classes. Thankfully the madness ended with level 1.

We try very hard to keep the language in one region at a time. We even drew up a calendar! We said we will speak nothing but Kannada and Malayalam and we would give 2 weeks each. But so far hasn't worked.

PS: I do believe that living in Bangalore one usually speaks at least 2 languages other than Kannada. And since we went on an overkill I do think we are living up to the tradition in a big way. Hence the title.

Third week of June and no rain in Bangalore. We should cut some MORE trees.

Road to Future!

We are building so many roads just in and around Bangalore. We are 4 laning and 6 laning (on Hosur Road its 10 laning) everywhere. We are building ring roads to connect the ring roads. All this while the current roads are in a bad shape or some areas have no roads at all. And not surprisingly this is the case in all the cities across the country. Like a friend of mine once said soon India will be one big road! Then we could simply move to Pakistan, Bangladesh, Burma and Srilanka to live. Commuting will not be an issue at all since there will be anyway so many roads connecting the country's borders.

grrrrrrrrrr

I want to watch a movie on a weekday at 10 pm and there are no tickets
I want to eat at some decent restuarant on a weekday at 9pm and there are no tables - "you have to call and book madam"
I want to go to Kerala any time of the year and there are no tickets - "weekends madam we cannot promise you anything"
I want to return home anytime of the day and no autos agree to come - "too much traffic we won't come"
I want to get out of house at 6.30 pm there are no autos available (well they would be available if they come in the first place to return)
I want to work from home and half the day there is no power - "no load shedding" the CM's been harping.
I want a taxi to pick me up from the airport in two hours time and there are no taxis - "all are busy madam" (this at midnight on a bloody working day)
I want to get a hair cut at some half decent place and there are no appointments during the week or the weekend - "summer is always like this sorry"
The well known brand of soaps or cream I picked up last month is not available anywhere -" short supply" is the cryptic answer I get.

What the bloody hell is happening? Where have I landed?