Avial, backwaters and boiled beans

This post has long been coming. I really don't know how it got to this. I only know how it started. It started with my husband, V. For all you creatures with fertile imagination out there I am not talking about Miss T's origins. I am talking about the "Mal" madness in my life.

The reason for the review of situation is that even a random google search for an illustrator throws a up a mal woman's blog (she does beautiful illustrations). I decided I need to re-examine my life's choices and see what brought this on.

I grew up with the jokes of Malayalee having set up tea shop before Armstrong landed on Moon and malayalee woman's version of eLu ghante (Kannada words meaning 7 O clock) turning out to be eLu ganda (meaning 7 husbands) due to the nasal twang. And till this post I thought I didn't know many mals while growing up. Turns out I am wrong.

We bought groceries from a Mal shop. The biggest grocery store in the area where we went when we wanted exotic ingredients for cakes and ice cream was a Mal shop. Amma bought her sarees from this very lovely lady whom I only remember as girija's amma. One of my many best friends from school was a Mal girl. The bakery that sold the yummiest coconut biscuits was run by sajina's dad, a Mal. Sajina and I spend quite a bit of time rioting through the shop and hauling off huge caches of coconut biscuits, those animal shaped biscuits (do you get them now?) and rose cooks (that's acchappam :) And some of my parents' friends who plied us with yummy X mas and new year cakes were Mal. One of the nicest boy friends of one my friend was a Mal. I was so upset that they didn't get married that I moped around for months.

Though after school, I didn't come across any Mals for a long time. Then I met these two guys Ajay and Bijay in the computer classes. The two of them were this ultra lecherous creatures that we girls refused to even look at. That put me off all things Mal for a long time.

Then came V. I didn't even think of the fact that he was "Mal" till we decided to tell our parents that we were getting married! V says he swept me off the feet but I maintain that it was temporary amnesia.

Now comes the bewildering part. Ever since V, pretty much every other person I have met and become friends with is a Mal. Journalism college was full of Mal people. And these lovely Mal people I am friends with are somehow married to other wonderful Mal people (I say somehow cos I din't think that was the primary criteria). Through my work I've met a lot of people and mostly Mal. The people I've met via blogs are Mals and so the list goes on. Today I don't have more than half a dozen people on my phone book to whom I can send funny Kannada SMS to. The Mals on the other hand make up more than half of my phone book. Any given day for a quick get together, between V's and my contact list, I'll be the one inviting more Mal friends than him!

The fact that the Mals are out to conquer the world (I truly believe they will one day soon) cannot be the only reason for this phenomenon, right? And I am sure it is not the case of new convert trying to prove that she's as good as any. This is a bit of a puzzle really.

Having confessed to this Mal madness. I have to say this. I don't like Avial (Although I can make a good Avial) I am very wary of young men who've never stepped out of Kerala till they are 21. Like one my friend rightly said most of them are "vaayinokkal parties" (for exact translation turn to the Mal next to you). For the life of me I can't figure out why women can't ring temple bells in God's own country! And Mal friends are fun. Mal families is a different matter altogether. It is like the difference between being tourist and an emigrant :)

Baby Talk!

On the day of the my marriage I figured out that once you decide to tie the knot, your life suddenly becomes sorta public property. Everyone one from the stranger lady at the temple to the old lady who I didn't know was my dad's maternal aunt till that day, everyone tells you what to do! They had on opinion on everything on my wedding day. They thought I didn't wear enough jewelery. The flowers on my head were too little for a bride. Why didn't I do something about my tan before the wedding? "However modern one is, on the wedding day you should look traditional" one aunt told me. If I wasn't too busy being happy about getting married to V I would've probably yelled and screamed at everyone that day. I should tell you that I did get married in a "traditional" way in a super grand Kanchivaram saree (which I probably will never wear again.) The problem was that it wasn't enough!

Why am I rambling about all that happened soooo many moons ago? Well because I am into the second phase that is "you should have a baby" phase. I am not kidding when I say that I get this from practically everyone around me.

Scene 1: I am walking down the street with Amma. An acquaintance of Amma who's seeing me for the first time says "You've had enough fun in life now. Time to have some babies"

Scene 2: An old man sitting next to me on a train journey "It's ok to put off babies for first 2 years but you should have babies after that."

Scene 3: An old watchman in Madurai who's giving me company till my vehicle comes to pick me up is extremely worried about my not having babies. He gives me the address of this doctor in Vadapalani, Chennai who can help me and the address of this special temple somewhere in Madurai who's god is sure to bless me.

Scene 4: V calls a friend and tells him we are coming over to his place to give some good news. We get there and the friend is absolutely flabbergasted that the "good news" was purely professional!

Scene 5: The second question after "how are you?" is "when are you giving us a good news? we need company" from all my married friends who've had babies. And get absolutely hysterical when the answer is "we are not in a hurry"

Now in all this I am lucky that the family is yet to go crazy over this. Although Amma does try her hand at emotional blackmail. But she's always been bad at it so it doesn't matter. However Dad who's spending a lot of time these days with extended family does lose it once in while. "Everyone's asking me! You are 30 what are you waiting for?" he shouts on the phone. He gets the same answer.

And the reasons why I should be having babies (not singular mind you) RIGHT NOW is a fantastic list

1) Why did you get married if you didn't want babies?
2) You owe it your parents
3) What else are you gonna leave behind?
4) We need company
5) What will your mom do after retiring?

But seriously what's with the world? We get sooo hung up about doing everything at right time. Schooling, college, job, marriage, babies! Give me a break. I read I love lucy's post on the same subject some time back. Turns out everyone's being put under the microscope for this one!

Everyone has her own pace and will do things when they are ready! Till then STAY AWAY.

PS: When people discuss why so and so doesn't have a baby, do they realise they are actually discussing so and so's sex life? Or do they think that these two are not connected? Beats me!

New role.

I just realised that none of my girl friends had to go through the rigmaroles of an arranged marriage. I mean seeing the guy, meeting the family, having to decide about a lifetime in less than 30 minutes. Needless to say neither did I. Where as all the guy friends have. Strange! Considering the common belief that men have more freedom than women when it comes to marriage. I have my own theories about this phenomena but that's for another post. Why am I thinking about it now? Well last of my bachelor friends is looking for an alliance and I've decided to help (Of course his family is more likely to succeed than me). But I've realised (not for the first time) that I have no clue about doing this in a conventional way. Firstly you need to know his caste, sub caste, gothra (don't ask me what that means), star, does he have a horoscope or not. Secondly you need to find out the extent to which he / his family is ready to relax the caste and sub caste fundas for the girl. I can tell you these details can fill at least one page.

And have you tried registering in any of the many matrimonial sites? It is certainly not as easy as signing up at a job site. They have so many incredibly baffling details to be filled it is exhausting. But the toughest part is describing the guy. I mean if I was telling a friend about him I could but to tell an absolutely strange web audience is very daunting. I am in awe of men and women who have put up such details on these sites, most of them have even put up their pictures (a site said that you have ten times more chances of someone responding if you put your picture up). I couldn't do it for my friend let alone for myself. Anyways for now I have put up his profile and hoping for the best. I've never played cupid before and very jittery at the thought of bringing two people together for life.

Mangalyam tantunaanena...

This is the beginning of sacred mantra that is chanted during a marriage ceremony. It is chanted when the groom is tying the sacred mangalasutra around the bride’s neck, an act that seals the deal. If you are married you will know it. Actually even otherwise you will know it thanks to our philums. But do all of us know what it means? Well, I didn't know till today (!!!) This is the only mantra the poojari did not explain in the whole wedding process. (seriously, he was testing is English proficiency by explaining all the mantras to us while we were trying to concentrate on the fact that it is actually happening to the two of us in front of at least 400 people!) Coming back to the subject, the mantra goes like this "mAngalyam tantunAnena mama jIvanA hethunA kaNThe: badhnami subhahe! sanjIva Sarada: Satam" (pardon the ignorance if it isn’t accurate to the T, I am reproducing it here based on my auditory memory). Apparently it means "This is a sacred thread. This is essential for my long life. I tie this around your neck, O maiden having many auspicious attributes! May you live happily for a hundred years (with me)."

I am not sure how accurate this translation is, but this is explanation is widely accepted. Now what strikes me the most of this very sacred mantra is that it says "this sacred thread is essential for my long life" That is the bride groom's long life! And since you (the bride) have special attributes to keep me alive and prosperous I wish that you live for a hundred years with me. Very interesting indeed.

This was probably written to mean that "a man cannot live his life without a woman" And so they need to be united in a sacred (?!?) bond. But in today's context and after years of living in man's world it comes across as very selfish statement to me. It comes across as if a man needs woman ONLY because she can give him a long and happy life. Doesn't it?

I am suddenly interested in Vedas...I want to know read the scriptures to see what is actually written and how it has been interpreted or misinterpreted by Man.