A stitch in time...huh!

The first time I was introduced to stitching was in class 7. We used to have mandatory craft sessions post final exams. And we were taught stitching and embroidery that year. We had to bring a piece of white cloth and some coloured threads. The intention was to make an embroidered kerchief. I hated it! Did not complete the little red flower with chain stitch borders. Amma who was by then pretty much convinced that I'd not do anything "girlie" in life kept that piece for posterity. Which she also used to prove at regular intervals that I never completed anything I started. Sure enough she had plenty of opportunities to wave that little white cloth in front of me.

Meanwhile my hatred for stitching continued unabated. I was very careful about not tearing clothes cos then I'd have to stitch it. Amma was generous enough to handle anything that happened to my favourite clothes. Otherwise I managed with safety pins for years on end. If my needle and thread prowess was a criteria for marriage I'd have remained single! It was a running joke in the family that I'd never have those romantic stitching based moments with my husband. Remember those movie scenes where the husband realises just before leaving for office that one of his shirt buttons are off and there his handy wife with a needle and thread fixing it in a jiffy? That's what I was deprived of (I am not complaining :) So one of the mandotory questions for V apart from if he liked garlic was if he can stitch. He could tolerate garlic and could do his own buttons. That settled many a domestic issues that would've cropped if not already discussed.

I continued my friendship with safetypin for years post marriage too. Then I went for Sav's wedding. I knew the girl was creative but the handiwork she had shown on her wedding trousseau truly amazed me. She had great influence from her ever creative mother and aunt too. The three together looked like needle and thread goddesses to me. I came back mighty impressed. Then I told myself that if Sav can do fancy emboidery then at least I can attempt stitching and that it wasn't very adult like to use safety pins. And it wasn't too domestic to use needle and thread either. (Somehow that was a connection in my head. I didn't see stitching as a survival skill. Cos when in class 7 while the girls were asked to embroider, the boys were doing something with batteries and cars. A girl had to stitch you say so I won't do it...one of those causeless rebellions of my life). Gradually stitches replaced safety pins. So much so that the pins completely dissappeared from my house. Amma was relieved and V was amused. Sav was duly acknowledged :)

I even enjoy embroidery and stitching these days. Do little projects and am very proud of it. It is surely a creative outlet when one is stuck for ideas. But if someone makes it an issue of womanhood or motherhood then it is another thing. But till then I am having fun.

Long pending post...The women won't take it quietly!

I was to do this post last to last weekend but due to various technical problems I couldn't. Anyway here it is the pictures of the protest in front of the IGP's office in Bangalore about all the attacks on women in Bangalore. There was a good turn out. Media was present in full glory. The DG Mr Sharma promised action in five days, I am not sure what came of it. Will it have the desired results? I don't know. But it sure felt good to take some action. And I know I am not alone and I know I am demanding my basic rights to be restored and not some exotic thing that makes no sense (although a a friend of mine from the media who was covering the event was sure this was all a bloody farce since most of the women were wearing coolers and sipping coke while protesting!!!)

Here are some pictures from 7th March 2009

One more young girl was beaten up for wearing western attire

This was on Cunningham road yesterday. That stretch of the road could not possibly be more crowded at 6 and still no one helped the girl. The curious behaviour of the bystander continues.

The other interesting thing that's happening today is the sms doing the rounds asking women to be careful of their "dress code" due to these attacks. These are messages forwarded by "well meaning" women to warn their friends. Well no one's going to help and one cannot learn martial arts in a day so lets be safe seems to be the thinking. I cannot ask these women not to behave so. I have no solution for them or myself.

This prejudice against jeans i find it very funny at this point. I have been wearing jeans since I was 17 that's practically a decade and a half ago. My mother and I went to sale and Safina Plaza and bought my very first branded jeans. I had worn trousers before that but jeans this was the first. I didn't have to fight anyone for it. My mother was as enthu as me about it. My dad didn't think twice about it. It was just another outfit they were buying for their daughter. And they are as "Indian culure" oriented as one can get. Wearing them hasn't come in the way of being an Indian in anyway so far. They never for once thought this would draw more "attention" to me because they knew it wasn't true. If anything by my experience and theirs my worst nightmare happened when I was wearing a saree.

I have celebrated almost all festivals since then. I have cooked and cleaned my house, got married and now even going to have a baby. I know that's a very shallow description on the culture but that isn't mine it is what everyone tells me Indian culture is, so am just going along with that for now. But wearing jeans is still a big cultural change for many women even in a city like Bangalore even today. It is a big change. Some have to fight for it for some it is natural. But at the end of the day it is comfortable outfit. Of course right now it is taking on almost political role.

A lot of the people (needless to say mostly men and shockingly some women too) are finding this whole "hullabaloo" about the freedom to wear western clothes by women extremley silly and even irresponsible. We have bigger issues to worry about like falling GDP and the farmer suicides in vidarbha they say. My question is none of these men who are leaving scathing comments on blogs or the ones attacking the women are wearing dhoties and being shirtless are they? Nor are they using bullock carts to go after these women. Strange. Since when is trousers, tshirts and SUVs for men part of indian culture?

Being harassed on the streets is not new to any indian woman. At some point of time every one of us have been through the humiliation of "eve teasing." Some took it quitely, others rebelled and a few others killed themselves over it. This recent incident of mangalore pub attack or the attacks on the women in Bangalore are just the last straw we can take. And for once it looks like we might not be alone. That we might have a chance at being safe in our own bloody country without looking over our shoulders all the time or having to carry pepper spray or pocket knives and hope to hell that we don't have to use it. How are we women the lesser citizens of this country?

Female foeticide, infanticide, dowry, rape, molestation, sexual harrasment and now getting beaten up for wearing jeans. You are basically telling me I have no rights to live. I am not going to take that lying down. I have worked my ass off and fought a lot of battles to be who I am today and no one but me worked hard to buy those friggin branded jeans and I am keeping them. You can take a walk.

They are at it again

This time for wearing "western attire" I'd like to know what their agenda is. Create panic? Gain political mileage? Just plain frustration? And how come no onlookers came to help? Well I never expect them to because it is more fun watching someone else in trouble right? It isn't you or it isn't someone you know so it is technically not your problem right?

But beating up women in broad day light? Read the report here

I am seriously looking for another city to move in...or may be a planet might be a better solution. But till then what can one do?

Protesting in the cyber world

This whole M'lore pub story put me great distress. I felt very helpless and cornered. I can do very little than to protect myself if anything like that happens right? What else can one do? Well in this e-era, help is just a click away.

Look at this http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=50104245901&ref=nf

I don't know if any of the people who created the ruckus read these things or care for it. But I guess it makes one feel better. It is the easy way out isn't it? But till I figure out a concrete way, this should do.

And here's a slightly more concrete action one can take. Join the pinkchaddi campaign. Yes you read it right. Go here for more details. Very innovative. Will it work? I don't know. But one should keep trying isn't it?

I want security, not just on valentines' day!

Alright now! I have had enough! Now we have the police commissioner Mr Bidari promising that people who want to celebrate valentine's day will be provided full security!

Really? security to celebrate valentine's day? What about my right to step out of my house, travel in the bus to wherever and come back without being whistled at, grabbed at and generally made to feel miserable at being a woman for all these years and future? Will you be as explicit in your promise? I agree the media is taking you to the guillotine with it. But you caved in... like this?

Then there is Mr Agni Sridhar with his 30,000 volunteers to protect the couples on valentine's day. I'd have been happier if he continues his offer and help protect women at all times from being molested, harassed, raped. What a wonderful idea that you can reach any one of those 30,000 fellow citizens at the time of distress. But this one day in a year vigilance and that too valentine's day?

Have they missed the point here? Or have I missed the point here?

Imposition

Back then one only wrote "I will not talk in the class" or "I will complete my maths classwork on time." I hated them then (primary school was ages ago eh!) But over the past week or so I have this immense need to remind myself of a few things constantly. I am scared out of my wits with all the infringement of fundamental rights and safety in the name of religion. I shudder at the thought of living in the stone ages, just cooking, cleaning and reproducing...which is what we are expected to do looks like. And hence the need to remind myself that all is not lost. What better way to do it than the age old method...reiteration or imposition if you like. Albeit with a tech twist to it. Since I can't put pen to paper for anything beyond writing down phone numbers or addresses. I am doing it here.

I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life

It didn't really work for my teachers back then, as in I didn't stop talking or keep my classwork up to date or anything. But I remember I didn't do that. So I am hoping this exercise will keep reminding me.

PS: I typed in all that no C&P!

Of Gadgets and Gender

Yeah you'll see that the title of the post makes sense when you read my post.

I wanted to buy a camcorder; since my knowledge of cameras is restricted to professional cameras, I had trouble zeroing in on the right model. All the specs of a camcorder sounded inadequate to me till someone reminded I won't make professional movies with them. Anyways after much research I had a shortlist. Usually all my shopping happens with V (when it is not girl stuff that is) but he was too busy this time so I took off on my own. The first place I went to is Chroma (Eva mall) and boy was I pissed off with their customer service!

Firstly I had to talk 3 guys to find out who knows enough about the camcorders and then that mighty ass was refusing to even answer any of my questions. The fellow knew nothing beyond was was written on a little piece of paper in front of each model. And he was just not interested in selling it to me! But when another guy came in and asked similar questions and the sales guy was all eager to answer them. Talk about gender bias! Just because it is a woman you assume that she knows nothing about gadgets? And she's doing time pass? What the...

This is not the first time I was shopping with them. I bought a printer from them (Star Bazaar, Koramangala) earlier. That time V was with me and I would ask all the questions and the guy would answer to V only. The funny thing is between V & me I am the one who's fond of gadgets and buys most of them. But hey I am a girl and I must be buying it because it is looking pretty on my kitchen shelf or may be because it is pink.

When will things change?

Since I had to buy the camcorder I decided to try another shop, this time went to Sony world on Koramangala inner ring road. And got answers to all the queries I had and bought one.

So there you Chroma fellows you lost a customer who spent more than 20k. I know you don't care about one customer but someday there'll be lots like me and if you don't check your attitude you will feel the pinch. Aaaah who am I kidding!

Baby Talk!

On the day of the my marriage I figured out that once you decide to tie the knot, your life suddenly becomes sorta public property. Everyone one from the stranger lady at the temple to the old lady who I didn't know was my dad's maternal aunt till that day, everyone tells you what to do! They had on opinion on everything on my wedding day. They thought I didn't wear enough jewelery. The flowers on my head were too little for a bride. Why didn't I do something about my tan before the wedding? "However modern one is, on the wedding day you should look traditional" one aunt told me. If I wasn't too busy being happy about getting married to V I would've probably yelled and screamed at everyone that day. I should tell you that I did get married in a "traditional" way in a super grand Kanchivaram saree (which I probably will never wear again.) The problem was that it wasn't enough!

Why am I rambling about all that happened soooo many moons ago? Well because I am into the second phase that is "you should have a baby" phase. I am not kidding when I say that I get this from practically everyone around me.

Scene 1: I am walking down the street with Amma. An acquaintance of Amma who's seeing me for the first time says "You've had enough fun in life now. Time to have some babies"

Scene 2: An old man sitting next to me on a train journey "It's ok to put off babies for first 2 years but you should have babies after that."

Scene 3: An old watchman in Madurai who's giving me company till my vehicle comes to pick me up is extremely worried about my not having babies. He gives me the address of this doctor in Vadapalani, Chennai who can help me and the address of this special temple somewhere in Madurai who's god is sure to bless me.

Scene 4: V calls a friend and tells him we are coming over to his place to give some good news. We get there and the friend is absolutely flabbergasted that the "good news" was purely professional!

Scene 5: The second question after "how are you?" is "when are you giving us a good news? we need company" from all my married friends who've had babies. And get absolutely hysterical when the answer is "we are not in a hurry"

Now in all this I am lucky that the family is yet to go crazy over this. Although Amma does try her hand at emotional blackmail. But she's always been bad at it so it doesn't matter. However Dad who's spending a lot of time these days with extended family does lose it once in while. "Everyone's asking me! You are 30 what are you waiting for?" he shouts on the phone. He gets the same answer.

And the reasons why I should be having babies (not singular mind you) RIGHT NOW is a fantastic list

1) Why did you get married if you didn't want babies?
2) You owe it your parents
3) What else are you gonna leave behind?
4) We need company
5) What will your mom do after retiring?

But seriously what's with the world? We get sooo hung up about doing everything at right time. Schooling, college, job, marriage, babies! Give me a break. I read I love lucy's post on the same subject some time back. Turns out everyone's being put under the microscope for this one!

Everyone has her own pace and will do things when they are ready! Till then STAY AWAY.

PS: When people discuss why so and so doesn't have a baby, do they realise they are actually discussing so and so's sex life? Or do they think that these two are not connected? Beats me!

Mumbai molestation case - update

The 14 people arrested in the case were put through an identity parade today. That's all the reports say.

Update on "Mumbai molestation" case

Today Mumbai police announced a prize money for anyone who gave leads on the case. Thye now have a complainant and so they can take action. They are using the pictures taken by Hindustan Times to identify those among the mob. So far 13 people have been arrested and 2 have have surrendered.

Surprising that this has not hit the headlines as much as anything else in the last 2 days. National dailies haven't covered as well (not on front page).

And most people including women's reaction to the incident - "why the hell were they out so late at night. What else did they expect?"

Well today they did at midnight if you don't check it they'll do it in broad day light is all I can say!

I am too disgusted!

"Two years in a row, New Year revelry in Mumbai has gone awry. This year, in a city which boasts of being safe for women, a mob of 70 to 80 men groped and molested two women for about 15 minutes on a busy main street in Juhu early on New Year's Day. " More details here

What's with the men? And 70-80 men going after two women just because they dared to step out after midnight? Seriously sex is the only thing on mind anytime of the day whatever the occasion huh? While going to work if a woman crosses by whistle at her. Comment on her breasts and bottoms while she's trying to get on a bus who's window seat you are sitting at. She's trying to drop her kids off at school in a car say she's too hot to be a momma. She's waiting at the bus stop to be picked up by a 20 year old son, hover around her giving her leery looks, making her nervous. You are walking along with your friend after work and a girl walks by and you have this sudden urge to push your friend on to her and laugh about it.

UGGGGGH disgusting! And anyone who dares to say that it is because of what women wear you have another thing coming!

!@#@$@!$@#$!$#$!$#@$@#!$!@ Bloody hell!

Same old story.

Two men and two women went out to have a good time on a sedate Sunday evening. After 5 hours of shopping, mall hopping, opinion flaunting, basically a very fruitful shopping outing they get back home. Once home they all freshen up and change into night clothes. Till now the story is very boring I know. Whats happened next is also not very dramatic but bear with me I do have a point. After they freshened up one of the men opened his laptop and got busy while the other engaged himself in some very important conversation over the phone. Meanwhile the two women take to the kitchen and prepare dinner thinking how exhausted they are and they wish there was some magic in life which would come in handy at moments like this. 15 minutes later the men are called to the table and served dinner. The women help themselves too. And then the day ended.

Do you see my point? You don't? In that case testosterone plays a HUGE part in you so don't bother trying to figure it out.

If you understood my point it means ladies you've been there and my sympathies with you. I just wonder how many generations do I have to wait to see a change in that story?


PS: If some man did get the point of my little boring story then its a good start and I do hope you change the story some day.

The Hindu today

There are two news items that bother me in today's Hindu.

First headline "Pakistan paragliding Minister quits party post"

The Minister was forced to quit from the post of Pakistan Muslim league's women wing's head. This was because she hugged her paragliding instructor in france after a jump. The cleric said she had committed a very "obscene" act by doing so and so the need for dismissal.

Second Headline "Ire over Ahmadinejad gesture" (sorry no link available but report can be found on page 14)

The Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was criticised for hugging and kissing the hand of his teacher from primary school in public. The lady is 70 years old. The newspapers termed the incident contrary to islamic laws and called it an "indecent" act.

Closer home last week Richard Gere kissing Shipa Shetty was termed indecent and a case was filed against both of them.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is all I can say.

Crazy world

I was talking to a friend of mine today and she says she is busy with her daughter's graduation day coming up in two weeks. Her daughter is FIVE! The graduation is from nursery to first standard. And what more the child has to give a 2-3 min speech on her experiences in school. Two other kids from her class are asked to do the same; one of them on their future plans. A five-year-old with a future plan! My friend decided include her daughter in speech writing process so she asks her what she liked about her "3 years" of school experience. The little one thinks for a while and says "I like that we play on the swing every day" hardly the stuff for the speech so my friend insists to think harder. Then the girls says "I liked it when we went on that picnic from school." No help there eh.

I wonder how the mother of the five-year-old with the speech to write on the future plan is getting along. But then that would be easy...just tell your plans for your little one.

But I am guessing the toughest part would be to get the children byheart the speech and say it in front of the whole school and its parents.

Does someone know a regular school which doesn't ask five-year-olds about their future plans or how much the software engineer father earns or insist that the mother be a graduate but not working? I am kinda beginning to panic about the education my kids will get...

New role.

I just realised that none of my girl friends had to go through the rigmaroles of an arranged marriage. I mean seeing the guy, meeting the family, having to decide about a lifetime in less than 30 minutes. Needless to say neither did I. Where as all the guy friends have. Strange! Considering the common belief that men have more freedom than women when it comes to marriage. I have my own theories about this phenomena but that's for another post. Why am I thinking about it now? Well last of my bachelor friends is looking for an alliance and I've decided to help (Of course his family is more likely to succeed than me). But I've realised (not for the first time) that I have no clue about doing this in a conventional way. Firstly you need to know his caste, sub caste, gothra (don't ask me what that means), star, does he have a horoscope or not. Secondly you need to find out the extent to which he / his family is ready to relax the caste and sub caste fundas for the girl. I can tell you these details can fill at least one page.

And have you tried registering in any of the many matrimonial sites? It is certainly not as easy as signing up at a job site. They have so many incredibly baffling details to be filled it is exhausting. But the toughest part is describing the guy. I mean if I was telling a friend about him I could but to tell an absolutely strange web audience is very daunting. I am in awe of men and women who have put up such details on these sites, most of them have even put up their pictures (a site said that you have ten times more chances of someone responding if you put your picture up). I couldn't do it for my friend let alone for myself. Anyways for now I have put up his profile and hoping for the best. I've never played cupid before and very jittery at the thought of bringing two people together for life.

Staring hurts!

When I walk down brigade road behind a girl who is dressed in lets say a knee length skirt and a sleeveless top I've noticed men staring hungrily at her legs and bare arms and other parts of course. My blood boils and I feel like putting my unmanicured haphazardly grown finger nails right through the *******'s eyes. And if you think well "she is showing off her legs and hands so what if he stares?" you've got another thing coming. This happens to women who are wearing full arm salwar kameez or even sarees. I've been there and felt those stares in all kinds of clothes. It is very very very uncomfortable, unnerving and actually makes me feel violated.

Delhi's JAGORI ('AWAKEN, WOMEN') a women's training, documentation, communication and resource centre that was established in 1984 with the aim of carrying feminist consciousness to a wider audience using creative media, has made this film called staring hurts...take a look

For more information about the organisation go here

Situation.

G is a very charming girl. Everybody wants to be friends with her. Both men and women find it easy to talk to her. They love her company. She could be the life and soul of a party when it gets boring. Women could could talk to her about careers, recipes, boyfriends, husbands, babies, PMS, lingerie, Movies, Books, Politics, Feminism, Chauvanism, environment...anything. Men could talk to her about politics, sports, corruption, responsibilities, girlfriends, not understanding girls...anything again. She had lots of friends. Then they all hit marriagable age. Things changed so rapidly that no one realised what was happening. Suddenly the friends circle vanished with just one or two links that remained.

Has it happened to you? What did you do?

Confused!

Yesterday The Hindu had published a survey on the thoughts and aspirations of the youth. Some of the figures confused me a lot.

18% own mobile phones

18% own Two wheelers

47% say dating should not be allowed

58% say marriage decisions should be left to parents

Are they talking about the same country that I live in?

In my country -

1) Every kid who has learned to talk can operate a mobile phone and the moment he or she is of mall hitting age they pretty much get a mobile phone.

2) Any kid who is over 13 is allowed to ride mother's, sister's or sometimes even father's bike and then they pretty much own it.

3) As soon as they can stop wearing uniforms (sometimes even before that) they have boyfriends and girlfriends whom they take on their bikes and talk for hours on their cell phones.

I am not blaming the kids, I am guilty of one or two things that I have just said. But the point is that I had assumed the whole country is like this only. That's what you see in movies, advertisements and even in news reports right? But the The Hindu - CNN IBN survey doesn't seem to be talking about the same people?!?!?

Yes they are. Only they talked to the rural India; whom all of us have happily forgotten. 80% of the youth questioned are supposed to be from rural India.

So all the media and advertisements are becoming richer just by milking the 20% urban population? And all the so called telecom revolution, and easier loans have been only for the urban junta?

I am not suggesting that the whole country should become mobile flashing brainless, courtesyless people that we have become. But doesn't the report make feel you very uncomfortable and confused about the so called progress our country seem to be have made?

Something is wrong here isn't it?

Things I heard on a Sunday afternoon

"I should've listened to you"
"How could that b****** do that?"
"Are you sure he is the one?"
"Are you sure that's what he was trying to do?"
"Yeah otherwise there is no need for him to be there, we know but still..."
"It shouldn't have happened. But what can we do?"
"Bhagwaan kasam humne kuch nahi kiya"
"You say he was the one, but don't beat him up. No we can't beat him up either. It will be an offence on our part if we touch him. We will just fire him from the job."
"Why call the police? They will let him go."
"This won't even stand in for a legal case. You will be the one embarassed about it."
"The same thing happened to my wife you know. I didn't do any thing, what could I do?"
"Beating up people is not for us; we are educated folks."
"You go around the city by yourself, what if he comes after you holding a grudge?"
"You should've been more careful. These criminals will keep on doing these things."
"No don't call the police we will just ensure he doesn't come back into this building."
"Well we know that he can go and do this somewhere else to someone else, but it won't be us."
"Don't be emotional about this. They are psycho men. we have to learn to deal with it."
"Why do want to make yourself visible for wrong reasons? Do not complain."
"You can't change the world. Don't be silly, you just make sure you are safe."

I just have one thing to say to all these men. "Spineless *******"