A stitch in time...huh!

The first time I was introduced to stitching was in class 7. We used to have mandatory craft sessions post final exams. And we were taught stitching and embroidery that year. We had to bring a piece of white cloth and some coloured threads. The intention was to make an embroidered kerchief. I hated it! Did not complete the little red flower with chain stitch borders. Amma who was by then pretty much convinced that I'd not do anything "girlie" in life kept that piece for posterity. Which she also used to prove at regular intervals that I never completed anything I started. Sure enough she had plenty of opportunities to wave that little white cloth in front of me.

Meanwhile my hatred for stitching continued unabated. I was very careful about not tearing clothes cos then I'd have to stitch it. Amma was generous enough to handle anything that happened to my favourite clothes. Otherwise I managed with safety pins for years on end. If my needle and thread prowess was a criteria for marriage I'd have remained single! It was a running joke in the family that I'd never have those romantic stitching based moments with my husband. Remember those movie scenes where the husband realises just before leaving for office that one of his shirt buttons are off and there his handy wife with a needle and thread fixing it in a jiffy? That's what I was deprived of (I am not complaining :) So one of the mandotory questions for V apart from if he liked garlic was if he can stitch. He could tolerate garlic and could do his own buttons. That settled many a domestic issues that would've cropped if not already discussed.

I continued my friendship with safetypin for years post marriage too. Then I went for Sav's wedding. I knew the girl was creative but the handiwork she had shown on her wedding trousseau truly amazed me. She had great influence from her ever creative mother and aunt too. The three together looked like needle and thread goddesses to me. I came back mighty impressed. Then I told myself that if Sav can do fancy emboidery then at least I can attempt stitching and that it wasn't very adult like to use safety pins. And it wasn't too domestic to use needle and thread either. (Somehow that was a connection in my head. I didn't see stitching as a survival skill. Cos when in class 7 while the girls were asked to embroider, the boys were doing something with batteries and cars. A girl had to stitch you say so I won't do it...one of those causeless rebellions of my life). Gradually stitches replaced safety pins. So much so that the pins completely dissappeared from my house. Amma was relieved and V was amused. Sav was duly acknowledged :)

I even enjoy embroidery and stitching these days. Do little projects and am very proud of it. It is surely a creative outlet when one is stuck for ideas. But if someone makes it an issue of womanhood or motherhood then it is another thing. But till then I am having fun.

Long pending post...The women won't take it quietly!

I was to do this post last to last weekend but due to various technical problems I couldn't. Anyway here it is the pictures of the protest in front of the IGP's office in Bangalore about all the attacks on women in Bangalore. There was a good turn out. Media was present in full glory. The DG Mr Sharma promised action in five days, I am not sure what came of it. Will it have the desired results? I don't know. But it sure felt good to take some action. And I know I am not alone and I know I am demanding my basic rights to be restored and not some exotic thing that makes no sense (although a a friend of mine from the media who was covering the event was sure this was all a bloody farce since most of the women were wearing coolers and sipping coke while protesting!!!)

Here are some pictures from 7th March 2009

SITA Sena from Mumbai

Go here for details.

And women when in trouble make noise, kick, scream, yell, whistle. I know there isn't much hope of help but at least it might baffle the attackers enough and back off, giving you some space to get away. And yes I do hope some bystander does wake up and help you out. But don't give up! We can't stop living lives for the fear of some goondas can we?

One more girl attacked near Mount Carmel college

That's 5 in a row if any one's counting. This time it was a journalist from Tehelka who was returning late from work. Here's The Hindu report on it.

All those people who are out there who've been screaming hoarse about this being a trivial issue, you still think so? This is not some class based issue that the elite (which basically means independent women with means to wear western clothes and probably own a bike or a car in this context) women are facing. This could be any woman on the street! And you still think it's too small an issue? WOW! How frustrated must that soul be by the progress of women? Seriously!

One more young girl was beaten up for wearing western attire

This was on Cunningham road yesterday. That stretch of the road could not possibly be more crowded at 6 and still no one helped the girl. The curious behaviour of the bystander continues.

The other interesting thing that's happening today is the sms doing the rounds asking women to be careful of their "dress code" due to these attacks. These are messages forwarded by "well meaning" women to warn their friends. Well no one's going to help and one cannot learn martial arts in a day so lets be safe seems to be the thinking. I cannot ask these women not to behave so. I have no solution for them or myself.

This prejudice against jeans i find it very funny at this point. I have been wearing jeans since I was 17 that's practically a decade and a half ago. My mother and I went to sale and Safina Plaza and bought my very first branded jeans. I had worn trousers before that but jeans this was the first. I didn't have to fight anyone for it. My mother was as enthu as me about it. My dad didn't think twice about it. It was just another outfit they were buying for their daughter. And they are as "Indian culure" oriented as one can get. Wearing them hasn't come in the way of being an Indian in anyway so far. They never for once thought this would draw more "attention" to me because they knew it wasn't true. If anything by my experience and theirs my worst nightmare happened when I was wearing a saree.

I have celebrated almost all festivals since then. I have cooked and cleaned my house, got married and now even going to have a baby. I know that's a very shallow description on the culture but that isn't mine it is what everyone tells me Indian culture is, so am just going along with that for now. But wearing jeans is still a big cultural change for many women even in a city like Bangalore even today. It is a big change. Some have to fight for it for some it is natural. But at the end of the day it is comfortable outfit. Of course right now it is taking on almost political role.

A lot of the people (needless to say mostly men and shockingly some women too) are finding this whole "hullabaloo" about the freedom to wear western clothes by women extremley silly and even irresponsible. We have bigger issues to worry about like falling GDP and the farmer suicides in vidarbha they say. My question is none of these men who are leaving scathing comments on blogs or the ones attacking the women are wearing dhoties and being shirtless are they? Nor are they using bullock carts to go after these women. Strange. Since when is trousers, tshirts and SUVs for men part of indian culture?

Being harassed on the streets is not new to any indian woman. At some point of time every one of us have been through the humiliation of "eve teasing." Some took it quitely, others rebelled and a few others killed themselves over it. This recent incident of mangalore pub attack or the attacks on the women in Bangalore are just the last straw we can take. And for once it looks like we might not be alone. That we might have a chance at being safe in our own bloody country without looking over our shoulders all the time or having to carry pepper spray or pocket knives and hope to hell that we don't have to use it. How are we women the lesser citizens of this country?

Female foeticide, infanticide, dowry, rape, molestation, sexual harrasment and now getting beaten up for wearing jeans. You are basically telling me I have no rights to live. I am not going to take that lying down. I have worked my ass off and fought a lot of battles to be who I am today and no one but me worked hard to buy those friggin branded jeans and I am keeping them. You can take a walk.

They are at it again

This time for wearing "western attire" I'd like to know what their agenda is. Create panic? Gain political mileage? Just plain frustration? And how come no onlookers came to help? Well I never expect them to because it is more fun watching someone else in trouble right? It isn't you or it isn't someone you know so it is technically not your problem right?

But beating up women in broad day light? Read the report here

I am seriously looking for another city to move in...or may be a planet might be a better solution. But till then what can one do?

My sentiments exactly!

Here's a Bangalore Mirror article on this whole V-day drama. I couldn't have agreed with her more!

Ammu Joseph starts are article with "I never thought I would find myself sticking up for Valentine’s Day..." Exactly what I have been feeling since the whole issue flared up. To read the entire article go here.

Although I do wonder what media will report about post V-day...

The grand "domestic goddess" experiment

This was a post meant for JF. But now with that on a break (sounds like a couple is on a break :) I putting it up here with suitable modifications of course.

A few years ago a friend of mine got married to this sweet girl and we met up a few weeks after their marriage. General conversation was happening, which was a little difficult considering the girl was full 8 years younger than me and came from a small town. No, she wasn't low on confidence or anything but we simply didn't have anything in common. So I adopted my usual tactics, turned the conversation towards movies and domestic matters. Movies are never a problem since we all have the pretty much the same grouses or happy moments with them. But the conversation on domestic issues was very hard for me. I am bad at it. I didn't want to bring up the MIL aspect considering the girl was married only a few weeks but more importantly because she had a darling for a MIL (yes that rare species isn't extinct just endangered :) So we talked about cooking and cleaning and maids. She said she didn't want to use a maid and did all the work herself since there were only two of them in a not so big house. She also said she didn't have any time left after the chores for anything else. Now this stumped me. Just how much work could be there? Anyways at that point of time I was too busy shuttling between Madurai and every where else so I forgot all about it.

A few months ago I was reminded of this conversation and I decided to do an experiment. For about 6 weeks I decided to do all the chores around the house by myself (excluding cleaning vessels and the mopping) So for 6 weeks I cleaned up every inch of the house every day. I folded clothes and put them in wardrobes. I cleaned the kitchen 3 times a day. I cooked 3 times a day. I dusted every inch of the house. I rearranged things in wardrobe and attics. I bought groceries. I basically did everything. All this work took me FIVE hours everyday. FIVE hours! And what did I feel at the end of it? Well nothing much really. Yes, the house sparkled 7 days a week instead of about 4. Yes, V had no work to do at all. I don't know how he felt about it I didn't ask. But he did notice all the scrubbing and cleaning and asked if I was alright (!) Yes, things went a lot smoother since I did all the work and didn't go after V to do it. (He's a very nice guy and helps me out all the time. But then he's a guy and he needs to be told some times that's all :) And after all this I was still left with about 5 hours of time...I guess this why women did a lot of sewing, embroidery and made HappaLa and pickles! Since my skills in these areas are worse than a 3-year-old's I had to think of other ways to keep myself occupied.

So what was the result of this grand experiment? I think it just proved that the phenomenon "Domestic Goddess" was created to keep a woman busy when she had nothing else to do and of course it works very much in a man's favour.

Needless to say the experiment was abandoned. Now I have to do a quick clean up when some guests announce they are coming. My fridge isn't well stocked (I don't think I can ever claim that it is, after I saw what Nigella Lawson stocks up!!!) We sometimes had to order in or have bread for breakfast. V, has to fold up his own clothes and make his own coffee and my maid has to ensure she doesn't miss too many corners while cleaning. But what the heck I have at least 8 hours to do things that I want to do and feel absolutely joyful at the end of the day.

Maharashtrian politics over women's safety!

The fourteen accused in the Mumbai molestation case (what accused they are there in the picture grabbing those women) did a very smart thing yesterday. They put on their best maharashtrian self and went to Raj Thackeray, the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena chief and pleaded their innocence. And Mr Thackeray who obviously saw the mileage in this hauled them off to a state minister to plead their case. Yes, he has achieved the "protector of all things maharashtrian" status with this. But isn't this incident showing badly on Maharashtra's beloved Aamchi Mumbai? How come he doesn't care about that? Doesn't this show that he doesn't care about women? Maharashtrian or not?

Read the news here

Nobody cares about the women isn't it? If they get molested, raped, burnt, beaten...they deserved it eh?

Mumbai molestation case - update

The 14 people arrested in the case were put through an identity parade today. That's all the reports say.

Update on "Mumbai molestation" case

Today Mumbai police announced a prize money for anyone who gave leads on the case. Thye now have a complainant and so they can take action. They are using the pictures taken by Hindustan Times to identify those among the mob. So far 13 people have been arrested and 2 have have surrendered.

Surprising that this has not hit the headlines as much as anything else in the last 2 days. National dailies haven't covered as well (not on front page).

And most people including women's reaction to the incident - "why the hell were they out so late at night. What else did they expect?"

Well today they did at midnight if you don't check it they'll do it in broad day light is all I can say!

I am too disgusted!

"Two years in a row, New Year revelry in Mumbai has gone awry. This year, in a city which boasts of being safe for women, a mob of 70 to 80 men groped and molested two women for about 15 minutes on a busy main street in Juhu early on New Year's Day. " More details here

What's with the men? And 70-80 men going after two women just because they dared to step out after midnight? Seriously sex is the only thing on mind anytime of the day whatever the occasion huh? While going to work if a woman crosses by whistle at her. Comment on her breasts and bottoms while she's trying to get on a bus who's window seat you are sitting at. She's trying to drop her kids off at school in a car say she's too hot to be a momma. She's waiting at the bus stop to be picked up by a 20 year old son, hover around her giving her leery looks, making her nervous. You are walking along with your friend after work and a girl walks by and you have this sudden urge to push your friend on to her and laugh about it.

UGGGGGH disgusting! And anyone who dares to say that it is because of what women wear you have another thing coming!

!@#@$@!$@#$!$#$!$#@$@#!$!@ Bloody hell!

It is a man's world alright

Some time back we saw our very first Men's fairness cream adverts. And quite a few of us women rejoiced at the sight of it. It didn't change anything in our lives but felt good that finally fairness (in skin colour atleast) was not just the woman's most desired virtue (it isn't a mistake skin colour is a virtue in this country) anymore.

Couple of days ago I actually noticed one of the ads. The difference between the men's fairness cream ad and the women's hit me.

"Fairever" Ad: Asin is getting no attention from this boy because she isn't fair and Ta daaa this cream with kumkum flowers comes to her rescue to win the boy. The boy who had earlier torn her picture away from his now wants to pose with her and the girl very coyly agrees.


Switch to Nivea's ad for men's fairness cream. Here again the boy is rejected because he is dark and then post cream intervention he's almost Brad Pitt and the girls are falling over each other for him. And he gets to play the cool dude and actually shakes his head and walks away from them.

What the?????

I think it was last year or the year before that about the time Kris Srikanth endorsed Fair & Lovely ad that NDTV had "We the people" discussion on this whole fairness cream madness. And one of the Ad gurus (I forget who) said these ads are meant to be empowering women. At the end of each ad the girl gets what she was denied earlier. That being the star hunt and commentator's job if you remember. But I wonder how he will explain this difference that I just talked of?

It is a victory for a woman when this shallow as a spoon, man who earlier rejected her comes back to her. But the man's victory lies in walking away when the woman who was as shallow as one can be has a change of heart!

PHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT

Never take it lying low. NEVER!

Irrespective of the dress they wear, or, their ages, their looks, their educational, professional and marital status, never mind the time or place, women in Kolkata and elsewhere are being subjected to all kinds of harassment, including eve-teasing

Click on it for more.

Same old story.

Two men and two women went out to have a good time on a sedate Sunday evening. After 5 hours of shopping, mall hopping, opinion flaunting, basically a very fruitful shopping outing they get back home. Once home they all freshen up and change into night clothes. Till now the story is very boring I know. Whats happened next is also not very dramatic but bear with me I do have a point. After they freshened up one of the men opened his laptop and got busy while the other engaged himself in some very important conversation over the phone. Meanwhile the two women take to the kitchen and prepare dinner thinking how exhausted they are and they wish there was some magic in life which would come in handy at moments like this. 15 minutes later the men are called to the table and served dinner. The women help themselves too. And then the day ended.

Do you see my point? You don't? In that case testosterone plays a HUGE part in you so don't bother trying to figure it out.

If you understood my point it means ladies you've been there and my sympathies with you. I just wonder how many generations do I have to wait to see a change in that story?


PS: If some man did get the point of my little boring story then its a good start and I do hope you change the story some day.

Darn the section of the media that always misquotes:-)

Who else but my beloved minister of labour Mr. Iqbal Ansari to talk about on a dull Monday morning.

After giving me and thousands of other women and some sane men sleepless nights for a whole week Ansari says he was misquoted by the section of media. He also says that women are more talented than men and hence ridiculous to think of banning them from night shift. Read the report here

I really like the honesty of this man. You don't see it? Well see he is accepting that it was a stupid thing to do in the first place albeit in a very round about manner. I am sure if he reads this he would scream hoarse that his statement is being misconstrued. No no thats not what he would say he would simply say "I've been misquoted"

Now that Mr. Ansari has eaten a humble pie for his glorious effort to preserve indian culture may be we don't have to worry about women getting thrown out of office after 8 (My condolences to all the women who are dissappointed at not going home at 8 because of this)

Aside:

What and who is this section of the media that always misquotes the politicians? You think they are especially trained to do so? And how is it only a "section" of the media when every publication worth credibility is quoting your 'mis'quotes?

I am hoping this will be the last of posts on this whole act of insanity!

Night Shift ban

It has been a week since our beloved labour minister declared that women cannot work in night shifts. Till date there is no clarity on the issue. By Monday most people decided it is too ridiculous a measure to implement. But bang on Thursday the minister declares no it will be enforced and the governor has signed it

http://www.deccanherald.com/Content/May102007/state20070510811.asp?section=frontpagenews

In the same newspaper the minister also announces the most cliched but most preferred and revered reason for all this "it is against the Indian culture to make women work at night"

But there is some hope still. The women's commission is refusing to back down. Vimochana one of the NGOs working with women is contemplating a PIL. And according to today's TOI report Ansari is pretty much on his own in this brilliant move to protect the women and the Indian culture. Neither the governor nor some of the other ministers in the cabinet are with him. And even better the Labour commissioner is trying to get permission women work in factories at night shift!

Do these guys even talk to each other? What was the minister thinking after all?

There has been some noise about this the blogworld too. Here are some:

Apu 1

Apu 2

Bangalore Metblog 1

Bangalore Metblog 2

It is crazy how most women are NOT indignant about this. Most of them sound like they would be rather glad to just stay at home and cook. They however want to wear what they want, drive around, hang out and have all the fun - basically enjoy the fruits of feminist movement but gladly jump sides when they need to so something to keep this going for the next generation of women. Talk about shortsightedness!

I was talking to the domestic help Satya at my place about this. She's not educated, works in half a dozen houses to feed her her drunkard brother and aging father and believes everything that happens in the serial are real. I had to warm her up to the subject.

Me: What do you think about women working?

Satya: As long as it is to make your family life better it is fine

Me: For what else would someone want to work?

Satya: There are some who just like to show off, prove a point I don't think that is right

Me: So should they be stopped from working?

Satya: No how can you stop someone from working? You have to change her attitude thats all.

Me: Do you know government is banning women from working at night shifts?

Satya: Ayyo then what will happen to eshwari akka? she goes to cook dinner in that house every evening. And why should government stop her? Do you have to work at night?

Me: sometimes. you think I shouldn't do it?

Satya: no how can I say that? it is either you or your husband who has to decide if you should work at night or work at all not the government.

Satya an illiterate girl who has little lokajnana is saying that this is an individual choice and the state has nothing to do with it.

Are you listening Mr. Ansari?

Where did you leave your brains sir?

The news has been around for the last 3 days. And I have not slept peacefully for as many nights. Sav has been suffering too. I am certain that so are thousands of other women who realise the enormity of the stupid decision that the state government has taken.

I have couple of things to tell and ask the Labour minister of Karnataka.

Dear Sir, (mom always told me to be polite even when I feel like ripping off the....)

You are so concerned about the safety of women that you decided to ensure women are off the office premises by 8 pm. A very original solution indeed. But if the women are facing problems before 8 pm how will they sort that out? Or are you saying that woman being harassed during the day is better off than at night?

Assuming that women do get out of the office by 8 pm. Have you thought about how to keep them safe on the streets and public transports? What about protecting them there? Oh how silly am I But that is outside the Labour department! This will probably come under police department eh? Then in that case please do suggest that they should also ban women from streets after 8 pm. Then whom will the men mug, rape and murder? You've indeed struck upon the magic solution to this probelm sir. Then it is just the men who have to fight it out among themselves as to who will mug and who will be mugged.

And women can go home at 8 cook, clean and relax by watching all the fantastic saas-bahu serials and increase Ekta Kapoor's revenue.

Quiet an ingenious plan sir quiet an ingenious plan!

Thank you very much for taking the entire woman kind about 50 years behind.

Yours truly.

The Hindu today

There are two news items that bother me in today's Hindu.

First headline "Pakistan paragliding Minister quits party post"

The Minister was forced to quit from the post of Pakistan Muslim league's women wing's head. This was because she hugged her paragliding instructor in france after a jump. The cleric said she had committed a very "obscene" act by doing so and so the need for dismissal.

Second Headline "Ire over Ahmadinejad gesture" (sorry no link available but report can be found on page 14)

The Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was criticised for hugging and kissing the hand of his teacher from primary school in public. The lady is 70 years old. The newspapers termed the incident contrary to islamic laws and called it an "indecent" act.

Closer home last week Richard Gere kissing Shipa Shetty was termed indecent and a case was filed against both of them.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is all I can say.

Undoing the Myths

Myths aren't new to any of us. Especially if you have grown up in an environment full of grand parents and the such who can conjure up stories to entertain, teach and just to keep you out of their hair. They can tell you stories of every kind gods, demons, good, evil, stupid, intelligent, just fun - every kind. I am not about to undo any of those. They were fun stories. I am talking about the kind you and I conditioned are to believe through out our lives and then suddenly one day it occurs "Hey that's not true"

Myth #1>

Women spend too much time shopping - Absolutely baseless.

Try this. I went shopping with this guy once, who wanted a white shirt. We stepped into Commercial Street at 11am on a Saturday morning. At the first shop he looked at every possible shade of white in all brands. Fairly simple choice - Seven shirts, five brands. Did he buy then? No. He just moved on to other shops, looked at the same shirts for next three hours and came back and bought the first white shirt he set his eyes on from the very first shop we stepped into. Exasperation is a gross understatement! Compare that to shopping with a girl friend of mine. She called me up and said she needs to buy some white top. We went to Cool Club in Chennai, bought one and were back at the hostel in flat 2 hours (which included travel time in peak traffic hour).

Myth #2>

Women spend too much money on clothes, shoes and everything - Oh Please!

Yes girls do buy a lot of clothes. That's because the love dressing up and they have so many things to try out compared to men's wonderfully boring stripes and checks variety of clothes. Same goes with shoes. But that doesn't mean they spend too much. I am not saying it just like that I've got facts for you.]

Woman's wardrobe

Unbranded Jeans that fits her like its made for her (the hunt is not easy let me assure you)- 350/-

Top - 125 -

Shoes - 150/-

Total - 625/-

Man's wardrobe

Levi Jeans (that needs altering and is ironed every time!!!) - 1200/- (I am sure its more than this)

Lacoste T-Shirt - 500/- (If he's buying a shirt then minimum price is 545/-)

Woodlands/ Red tape shoes - at the least 1800/-

Total - 3500/-

You do the math.

Myth #3>

Women gossip too much - Yeah right!

So it is the women who have created Page 3 eh?

Myth #4>

Women cannot save - Ha ha ha.

You will be astounded by the amount women manage to save. Even when they do not have bank accounts or mutual fund advices.

Myth 5>

Women are pathetic at sports - Phrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttt

Men aren't exactly fantabulous in our country are they? How do you explain just one world cup victory in Cricket. For men have been playing this game for what about 80 years now? Not to forget we have not even qualified for the foot ball world cup. I would like to certainly add that although women took to sports much later we will still beat you soon. And we didn't take to sports late because we were not physically capable (as one of my classmates once suggested. He said to me 'women aren't biologically made to play cricket!' Sometimes I wonder why I didn't kill him then) but because of men. Pl. don't get me started on that. You will regret it.

So there I've said it. Pl. feel free to add to the list or undo my undoings.

Sincerely Yours