What do you do when the child declares "I like you both accha, amma' with a big smile?
Although I do suspect it was because she realised we had made her very favourite paneer for dinner :)
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, December 29, 2008
Joys of Motherhood - Part 2
Few months ago my maid walked up to me and said "I have missed my date" I have never been able to come up with an appropriate response to this statement. The first time I heard it was when I was 20 and an unmarried girl friend of mine said this on phone. I panicked but had no clue what to say. Thankfully the "date" arrived a little later simplifying lives for both of us.
My maid who is probably in her mid 20s (she can't tell how old she is) has a 4 year old boy and had once told me she doesn't want to have a second child. She even had tied up her tubes to that effect. But these things are not permanent solutions apparently Every 3 years you are supposed to re-do them to avoid infections ( I am not sure of this). She got it removed and was to go back and put in a fresh "copper-T" after a few days and she got pregnant in that 10 days! She didn't want to have that child. But her entire family said that having a second child would be the best way to reign in her wayward husband who spent all his money on god knows what!
She was in two minds. I asked her if she needed any sort of help. Although I didn't really want to complicate things for her by giving her gyaan. (Although had she been pregnant for 3rd time or something I'd probably have persuaded to think about this) But what I wasn't comprehending was how having another child would make a man responsible? He didn't do that when he got married nor with the first child...I am afraid this girl will end up taking care of both the children!
She decided to keep the child. But she wouldn't do any of the things that is said to be good for mother and child. She still skipped breakfast. Hardly had any supplements and nutrition was not even considered. If I try goading here she'd say "I didn't do any of this for my first child and he's fine." But what about her health? She's one skinny thing with no flesh anywhere. She just won't lsiten. Now she's 7 months pregnant and she still comes to work and cleans my house. My heart misses a beat everytime she picks up a bucket of water for mopping or she dives to pick up something on the floor. I can ask her not come for work. But that won't change anything she'll simply find another house! So all I can do for now is keep her here, give her as less work as possible. I can't feed her because she thinks anything tasty or healthy ought to be given to her son and not her. Even if I give her plenty she'll take it all for that boy. I get angry at how little she cares about herself. She won't even let someone pamper her at this most "special" time.
I am just hoping she has a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Of course V is very very worried that she's gonna be delivering in our living room because she has no intentions of taking off till her ninth month.
My maid who is probably in her mid 20s (she can't tell how old she is) has a 4 year old boy and had once told me she doesn't want to have a second child. She even had tied up her tubes to that effect. But these things are not permanent solutions apparently Every 3 years you are supposed to re-do them to avoid infections ( I am not sure of this). She got it removed and was to go back and put in a fresh "copper-T" after a few days and she got pregnant in that 10 days! She didn't want to have that child. But her entire family said that having a second child would be the best way to reign in her wayward husband who spent all his money on god knows what!
She was in two minds. I asked her if she needed any sort of help. Although I didn't really want to complicate things for her by giving her gyaan. (Although had she been pregnant for 3rd time or something I'd probably have persuaded to think about this) But what I wasn't comprehending was how having another child would make a man responsible? He didn't do that when he got married nor with the first child...I am afraid this girl will end up taking care of both the children!
She decided to keep the child. But she wouldn't do any of the things that is said to be good for mother and child. She still skipped breakfast. Hardly had any supplements and nutrition was not even considered. If I try goading here she'd say "I didn't do any of this for my first child and he's fine." But what about her health? She's one skinny thing with no flesh anywhere. She just won't lsiten. Now she's 7 months pregnant and she still comes to work and cleans my house. My heart misses a beat everytime she picks up a bucket of water for mopping or she dives to pick up something on the floor. I can ask her not come for work. But that won't change anything she'll simply find another house! So all I can do for now is keep her here, give her as less work as possible. I can't feed her because she thinks anything tasty or healthy ought to be given to her son and not her. Even if I give her plenty she'll take it all for that boy. I get angry at how little she cares about herself. She won't even let someone pamper her at this most "special" time.
I am just hoping she has a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Of course V is very very worried that she's gonna be delivering in our living room because she has no intentions of taking off till her ninth month.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Joys of Motherhood - Part 1
Motherhood "they" tell is supposed to be the most joyous of moments in a woman's life. Past few months have however made me question it. I am putting up this 3 part series explaining how. Caution: These posts have been pending for a while and hence lot of venting is coming this way.
Right from the time I got married I was under severe pressure to produce an offspring. After 2 years of relentless harping everyone around decided that I hate children. The thought that somehow we might want to spend more time with each other never made sense to anyone. Anyways then came the dreaded number 30. On my birthday people called me to wish happy birthday and promptly ended the phone calls saying "you should think about having children at least now. you are not getting younger." Thank you really!
And guess what according to "science" the best age to procreate for a girl is between 20 & 25. Really? You mean to say I had missed the train simply by getting married at 25? The offsprings produced after the "best age" may not be of "best quality" a very sweet middle aged lady once told me. (I don't know who she is. She was traveling with me on a bus and this was the conversation.)
The docs around the town don't make it easier for you either. In case you decide to do the "right" thing and get a pre-conception counselling / tests. They automatically assume you are having trouble making a baby. Your files will have the dreaded word "primary infertility suspected" if you are married for more than a year (It won't matter if you tell them that you decided to have the baby just last week. They nod their heads and write what they want to). And if you are gullible enough they send you marching off to fertility clinics where they tell you things like you are not producing eggs or that you might have more of male hormones and hence they need to treat with the best of medicines. Which, needless to say are bloody expensive. More expensive than a holiday to to Maldives where you will have such a good time that you might actually come back with the "good news."
This story is true to more than one 30-year-old woman I know! The well meaning friends and family are just worried that you are not part of the "normal" society and goad you on. And the well meaning doctors of course take advantage of this paranoia and make cart loads of money. I mean what's the point of starting a family under such severe pressure? And not that they let you live your life once you actually get pregnant!
Right from the time I got married I was under severe pressure to produce an offspring. After 2 years of relentless harping everyone around decided that I hate children. The thought that somehow we might want to spend more time with each other never made sense to anyone. Anyways then came the dreaded number 30. On my birthday people called me to wish happy birthday and promptly ended the phone calls saying "you should think about having children at least now. you are not getting younger." Thank you really!
And guess what according to "science" the best age to procreate for a girl is between 20 & 25. Really? You mean to say I had missed the train simply by getting married at 25? The offsprings produced after the "best age" may not be of "best quality" a very sweet middle aged lady once told me. (I don't know who she is. She was traveling with me on a bus and this was the conversation.)
The docs around the town don't make it easier for you either. In case you decide to do the "right" thing and get a pre-conception counselling / tests. They automatically assume you are having trouble making a baby. Your files will have the dreaded word "primary infertility suspected" if you are married for more than a year (It won't matter if you tell them that you decided to have the baby just last week. They nod their heads and write what they want to). And if you are gullible enough they send you marching off to fertility clinics where they tell you things like you are not producing eggs or that you might have more of male hormones and hence they need to treat with the best of medicines. Which, needless to say are bloody expensive. More expensive than a holiday to to Maldives where you will have such a good time that you might actually come back with the "good news."
This story is true to more than one 30-year-old woman I know! The well meaning friends and family are just worried that you are not part of the "normal" society and goad you on. And the well meaning doctors of course take advantage of this paranoia and make cart loads of money. I mean what's the point of starting a family under such severe pressure? And not that they let you live your life once you actually get pregnant!
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