Are you like a house wife?

No call centre employee has bothered me with some brilliant scheme in a while now. I didn't miss them thank you very much. But today I got a call from IRCTC yes yes Indian railways fellows. They have been after me for over 2 years to get some railway card with lotsa brownie points for every ticket I buy and boy I have donated quite a bit of my money to them! But my problem with the scheme was that I had to pay for the card. Now why on earth will pay for a credit card (even if it is the railways) when every single bank is giving it away free. Of course these cold calling call centre employees have no rights to waiver the fees so they end up mumbling something and hang up, only to call again in six months time.

Today's call I knew would go the same way. But we didn't even get that far! Here's what I happened.

Call Centre Chap (CCC): Is it Mrs and so and so?
Me: Yes

CCC: Ma'am we are very happy to see that you have spent Rsxxxxx on your railway tickets in the last x years. so we are offering you a card.
Me: (Very surprised at the big number but recovering quickly say) ok....

CCC: Madam do you work for a company?
Me: No I don't work for one company. I work...

CCC: So you are like a housewife or something?
Me: (Very irritated) yeah something like that...

CCC: Then can I talk to your husband? Is Mr R your husband? (referring to my lastname which is my maiden name)
Me: No it isn't my husband.

CCC: Then who is your husband madam? Can you give me his number? We only talk to people working in a company.

It took all my energy to not shout abuses at the chap and I knew it was futile to explain how this was very offensive to me. And so I said "You find out who it is and call him" and hung up.

Where do these guys come from?

I agree that you cannot give credit cards to people with no cash flow in their bank statements. But to make an assumption that I cannot afford a card because I don't work for a "company" is something else. And come to think of it out of the zillions we have spent on railways more than half of it has come from my travels, that was paid for by not one "company" but many of them!

At my age I seriously have no time for people who refuse to use their brains!

And I wonder at this time of economic hardship when jobs are are so difficult to come by how such creatures survive?

UPDATE: This CCC is something else! He called me again next morning and this time V picked up the phone and CCC promptly asks for Mr R! V says wrong number since no Mr R lives with us! Then CCC brightens and asks for me. To me he tells, I called you yesterday. And I say yes you wanted to speak to my husband. So he says yeah so give it to him I want to offer him the card (exact words) I say I don't like the way you talk to me....He hangs up!

I hope someone's listening to this conversation (for QC they say right?) Again...JUST WHERE DO THESE GUYS COME FROM? grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Helpline - Part II

I had written about my woes with Standard Chartered Bank a couple of days ago. Yesterday I called them again, because there is no sign of my statement soft or hard copy. I had this absolutely mindless conversation with one Mr. Raj.

R: You have updated the address on 26th Apr and our statement delivery date is 22nd so you will not recieve the copy this month.
Me: Ha ha ha well then I will not pay any money to you let alone the fine and interest you are bloody charging me.
R: If you subscribe for email updates, we can send the soft copy right away and then you shouldn't have any problems paying us.
Me: Yes I shouldn't but guess what? The last time I called I already did that and I cannot open the bloody attachment you have sent me.
R: Oh that's simple you have to type your 16 digit card number to open the attachment.
Me: But nothing was happening.
R: You have to type your 16 digit card number to open the attachment.
Me: But you see there was no box that will let me type in the numbers.
R: Oh so you cannot type your 16 digit card number to open the attachment?
Me: NOOOOOOOO
R: I will send it again then

By then I am too glad to hang up and actually thank him for letting me go.

Later it occurred to me that I was going through all this agonising experience to pay the Bank back. I was actually struggling to find a way to pay them. Good lord is this ridiculous or what?

Welcome to *****. How can I help you?

"We have 24 hour helpline over the phone ma'am" a refrain that makes me VERY angry these days. Sure, it was exciting a couple of years ago when they said it. Wow, I don't have to go to the bank at all you know I just have to pick up the phone and express my wishes and they shall be fulfilled, I told my techphobic Mom. Today, she has the last laugh. She does not have unexplained figures withdrawn from her bank account nor does she have to yell at some moron sitting on the other end of the phone, who has been trained only to say "ma'am your complaint has been registered and will be looked into it." Ask him / her why it has not been looked into that last six times I called, the answer would be "Ma'am we have registered a complaint." Moronic enough to make me want to throw the very instrument I am holding at her.

By the virtue of being cosmopolitan, tech savvy and very lazy person myself I've had the fortune to talk to the call centre employees of all companies, products and services one needs to live a normal life in the 21st century. I've spent many pulses on talking to Telephone Company, mobile company, Washing Machine Company, Credit Card Company, Banks, stove repair company, gas agencies, internet service provider, Home delivery guys, Apartment builders, home loan banks and countless other "service providers." And I can tell the number of times I've had an sensible conversation, let alone intelligent and got my work done in less than two calls.

You think I am exaggerating? Let me give you the latest examples. I've shifted my residence from TN to Karnataka recently so just before moving, very diligently in a very unpadma way I sent letters to all the service providers a letter requesting to change my contact address. Almost all of them took notice of them except standard chartered, whose credit card I hold. 45 days after I sent the change of address letter I called to check why the hell the address has not been changed? I had to select from the few million options the automated response system asked to me to choose from, enter all kinds of numbers from my credit card number to date of birth and finally the line goes dead. No "How may I help you?" just silence. I borrow some patience and try again. Same rigmarole of keying in numbers and this time a very pleasant sounding youngman with an accent from an unidentifiable phareen land answers my call. The conversation was heading towards disaster right from the start, when he said "How can I help you Mr. Ravi?" Read the full name damn it. But the remaining patience kicked in and in a very sober voice I tell him my problem. He listens to the entire story with utmost attention and then says "Ma'am we have received your letter but do not make the changes unless you call." By then a weird sense of calm prevails over me and I ask "can I do it now or should I call back in a better muhurtham" My sarcasm totally lost on the phareen accented guy. He then makes the changes and tells me they can send my statement on email too just incase the snail mail doesn't reach on time. I, ever sucker for technology agree. Then just before hanging up, very politely he asked me "ma'am do you need personal loans? we give it on very low interest rates" No thanks!

So much for customer service. And BTW very next day, my statement arrived on an email. But then I couldn't open it and so I wrote back to the customer service and they have now asked me for a fresh set of details only after which I can see my statement.

And yesterday to add insult to injury I found out that that I cannot take these guys to the consumer court for not keeping their promise :-(

"Customer is always right" Yeah right!!!