Do you fight for gender sensitivity through your blog?

Then you can get recognised for doing your bit. The third UNFPA Laadli media awards have been announced for more details go here. And they have a category for blogs :)

Send in your entries before November 1st.

Who said blogging is just a personal exercise? :)

Do pass it on to your other blogger friends. And if you know anyone writing regional blogs, rope them in too. There is a special category for regional blogs.

Corny existential stuff

I don't usually do these kinds of posts. But then this is my vent space and these days my only vent space. so...

Do you ever get a feeling that you have changed so much that you can't figure out yourself? Well I feel like that these days. (I told you it was corny)

The image, that was me and the new and not necessarily improved me, (post baby) is almost irreconcilable. I can't seem to get a hold of things. The control freak that I am...hate it. Totally abhor it. I was never the fixed routine kind of person anyways. But all impulses and the reaction to it was all mine. These days I just react. And not always nicely. There is no mindspace to think, create, execute outside of Miss T's diet plans. And as much as I love that child, that isn't enough.

I didn't realise how bad it was to not have a career till now. I don't work full time. Worse, I work from home; so I can't claim to be a career woman and I am not your typical homemaker either (no offence to homemakers). I am in my own little trishanku swarga.

And I swear I could do with a LOT less guilt. I am prone to guilt and then there are people to make it worse. There is no getting away from people is there?

I have no clue on the way forward. May be it'll just occur to me in my sleep. Or may be I'll just get used to this.

PHHHHHBBBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT

Mishmash

Just for the record :) Miss T tries to distract me from giving her a lesson in what not to do by pointing to the fan or a light bulb just the way I do when she gets cranky.

If that doesn't work. She starts dancing by bobbing up and down.

What can I say? :D

****

Well, in the muddled up head of mine, the only thing that seems to be working right and on schedule is Miss T's things. Her food, play time, story time, medicines and doctor's visits. Everything else is all over the bloody place!

Work, relationships, movies, books, music, party - I've got no time and some times no energy for these things. It has been over a year and I still can't seem to get the hang of it. Or is this how it is for every mother? Or am I trying too hard to make things go on like it was before? Any of you young ladies know the answer to this one?

****

I've been hunting around for college students to work on one of our projects. Man are they on a high horse or what! I want to box their ears and tell them to go back to school and learn basics. They bloody sit back shaking their foot when I am asking them if they understood what is expected of them. And then the next day they send me an SMS, an SMS saying they "cannot commit" to the project! SMS. No mail, no call. And for the money I am paying them they ought to be working for an entire month from 9 - 5. Instead they complain that the project means long travel hours (whose costs we are ready to reimburse btw.) And then they have the audacity to ask if they can send me their resume when they finish their course!

Actually I'd like to hire them, make them sit in an office and tell them exactly how useless they are. I know it will cost me money but it will be worth it.

I'd like to see how many of them land a job and if they survive it.

****

Talking of jobs. The kids these days apply to a call centre, get through, sit through the training period for which they are paid and then quit. Easy money eh? Wonder how long they can keep it up.

****

I am dreading the whole schooling experience that is about befall on Miss T. The sense of competition parents have is SCARY. They'll do anything to get their kids ahead in line. ANYTHING. And am not so high on getting the "best" school with "best academic record" but am not sure of this whole learn horse riding as a life-skill kinda non-formal schools either. And if I don't care and V doesn't care and Miss T doesn't care we are going to be under a lot of pressure to justify our carefree (or careless if you are on the other side). I am sure V & I can handle it but what about Miss T? huh. My only lifeline is the fact that this is still two years away.

****

I meet a lot of women these days on formal occasions, who introduce themselves as Mrs so and so and a mother of two. And they go on to add that being a mother is part of who they are and so it is part of introduction.

I never introduce myself as Mrs neither do I bring up the daughter unless it is in some context or if someone asks me directly. And I don't feel like putting Miss T's picture (by herself or with me) as my profile picture in any of the networking sites. I didn't have V as part of my profile either. Not that I am afraid to reveal that I am married or embarrassed to say I am a mother. I simply don't think I have to tell that loud on every single occasion. Does this happen to you?

****

I do a lot of mindless surfing these days and hooked to the Simpsons, late night show. I am not getting any more intelligent with either of it but that's what I am doing. Then I hit the bed saying gosh it is the end of August already.

PHHHRRRBBBT

Questions

I probably won't regret it, but I will wonder, won't I? I probably won't miss it. I will probably be able to look at the big picture ; look back, weigh the pros and cons and be content.

Is that enough?

This is all I get, one chance to do all that I want to do, all I want to say, all I want to be. How can I be just content?

Tuilka Blogathon

I've never done a blogathon before and what fun to do it on rhymes :) So here it goes.

Kannada rhyme that teaches clapping for younger children and shopping to older ones :)

roTTi angaDi kiTTappa

nangondu roTTi taTTappa

puTaani roTTi

kempage suTTu

ombattu kaasige kaTTappa

biddu hOdeetu kiTTappa

This one's about a greedy boy who wouldn't share his

baNNada tagaDina Tutturi

kaasige konDanu kasturi

sarigamapadhanisa oodidanu

sanidhapamagarisa oodidanu

tanage tutturi ideyenda

beraarigu ada koDenenda

kasturi naDedanu beediyali

jambada kOLiya reetiyali

tutturiyooduta koLada baLi

naDedanu kasturi sanjeyali

jaaritu neerige tutturi

ganTalu kaTTitu neeroori

sarigama oodalu noDidanu

ga ga ga ga saddanu maaDidanu

baNNavu neerina paalaaytu

baNNada tutturi bOLaaytu

baNNada tutturi haaLaaytu

jambada kOlige goLaaytu

Incidentally both the poems are written by GP Rajaratnam. He wrote hundreds of songs for children which are still popular after so many decades.

Id you are interested in participating in the blogathon, go here. You can submit rhymes in any language :)

Avial, backwaters and boiled beans

This post has long been coming. I really don't know how it got to this. I only know how it started. It started with my husband, V. For all you creatures with fertile imagination out there I am not talking about Miss T's origins. I am talking about the "Mal" madness in my life.

The reason for the review of situation is that even a random google search for an illustrator throws a up a mal woman's blog (she does beautiful illustrations). I decided I need to re-examine my life's choices and see what brought this on.

I grew up with the jokes of Malayalee having set up tea shop before Armstrong landed on Moon and malayalee woman's version of eLu ghante (Kannada words meaning 7 O clock) turning out to be eLu ganda (meaning 7 husbands) due to the nasal twang. And till this post I thought I didn't know many mals while growing up. Turns out I am wrong.

We bought groceries from a Mal shop. The biggest grocery store in the area where we went when we wanted exotic ingredients for cakes and ice cream was a Mal shop. Amma bought her sarees from this very lovely lady whom I only remember as girija's amma. One of my many best friends from school was a Mal girl. The bakery that sold the yummiest coconut biscuits was run by sajina's dad, a Mal. Sajina and I spend quite a bit of time rioting through the shop and hauling off huge caches of coconut biscuits, those animal shaped biscuits (do you get them now?) and rose cooks (that's acchappam :) And some of my parents' friends who plied us with yummy X mas and new year cakes were Mal. One of the nicest boy friends of one my friend was a Mal. I was so upset that they didn't get married that I moped around for months.

Though after school, I didn't come across any Mals for a long time. Then I met these two guys Ajay and Bijay in the computer classes. The two of them were this ultra lecherous creatures that we girls refused to even look at. That put me off all things Mal for a long time.

Then came V. I didn't even think of the fact that he was "Mal" till we decided to tell our parents that we were getting married! V says he swept me off the feet but I maintain that it was temporary amnesia.

Now comes the bewildering part. Ever since V, pretty much every other person I have met and become friends with is a Mal. Journalism college was full of Mal people. And these lovely Mal people I am friends with are somehow married to other wonderful Mal people (I say somehow cos I din't think that was the primary criteria). Through my work I've met a lot of people and mostly Mal. The people I've met via blogs are Mals and so the list goes on. Today I don't have more than half a dozen people on my phone book to whom I can send funny Kannada SMS to. The Mals on the other hand make up more than half of my phone book. Any given day for a quick get together, between V's and my contact list, I'll be the one inviting more Mal friends than him!

The fact that the Mals are out to conquer the world (I truly believe they will one day soon) cannot be the only reason for this phenomenon, right? And I am sure it is not the case of new convert trying to prove that she's as good as any. This is a bit of a puzzle really.

Having confessed to this Mal madness. I have to say this. I don't like Avial (Although I can make a good Avial) I am very wary of young men who've never stepped out of Kerala till they are 21. Like one my friend rightly said most of them are "vaayinokkal parties" (for exact translation turn to the Mal next to you). For the life of me I can't figure out why women can't ring temple bells in God's own country! And Mal friends are fun. Mal families is a different matter altogether. It is like the difference between being tourist and an emigrant :)

Must take a break

All I have these days rant, rant and more rant :(

Angry young woman

People / things that make me feel very violent these days

1) Mothers who complain about their husbands' lack of house training but insist on baby sitting their 25 year old sons.

2) Media feigning ignorance on the whole IPL drama while anyone who followed it right from the start would know how rotten it was to start with.

3) Young men acting like little boys who can't pull up their own knickers.

4) Mothers who walk up to other mothers and say you are doing a bad job.

5) People who think it is the easiest thing to work from home.

6) Bad customer service at every turn.

7) Bangalore's development.

8) The thought that Miss T might have to spend her adulthood with no trees and no water for the most part.

9) Schools that charge 2 lakh rupees for a pre-nursery admission and Rs 4500 per month as van fees!

10) The heat. Which I suspect is the main cause for 1-9

The momentous post

Last few days I have been feeling like Sachin Tendulkar on 98. I realised that the previous post was 249th one. And so I was going to write the 250th one; which for some reason I thought should be very interesting, or funny or at least about some earth shattering discovery I had made. Well nothing of that sort happened. So here I am writing my 250th post in true blue random style, with unrelated topics :)

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Bangalore has had no water for the most part for the last two days and the situation will continue to be this scary for the next two days. I happened to mention this to one young thing (read 21) and without batting an eyelid she says "oh you took all the water from Tamil Nadu and now you don't have water? Serves you right!" I was too stunned to reply. How early do these parochial mindsets begin?

And as for water situation don't ask, I am living my mother's nightmare. We've got a notice up in the apartment asking us residents to avoid washing clothes and bathing for the next few days for god sake! We are stocking up on wet wipes so that we can follow these instructions!

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I recently started on Twitter (very reluctantly I might add) because of JustFemme I have still not got the hang of all the tweeting ethics and follow and unfollow funda. But I am amazed how many people use it. Not the least because the whole Tharoor-Modi-IPL thing kicked off on Twitter. And the media's blinkered coverage of this whole episode astounds me! No one's asking the right questions. I am no big fan of Tharoor. But my sympathies are with him on this. To say the brazenness of Modi is shocking is an understatement. I am wondering how much dirty linen the guy must be hoarding to be this bold (or arrogant). Nothing will come off this. IPL drama will continue. No murky details will be unearthed or at least made public. And what will happen of Tharoor and the mysterious Sunanda Pushkar, I am not too sure. But I'll say this, if this Pushkar lady wasn't this good looking and glamorous we wouldn't see her pictures so often. I mean how often did we see the ex-wife of Shoaib Malik? No am not being condescending but it is a fact.

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Trip down to my school

I have been wanting to do a post on school days for the longest time. Sheer lethargy to type has been keeping me from doing so. But Quill's post has inspired me. Actually quill has a lot of patience when it comes to typing. Sometimes even her sms is as long as some of my posts :)

Now to the post.

I absolutely loved my school time. All 12 years of it. Well almost :) I didn't go to one of those "the" schools in the city. Unless you've studied there you wouldn't know it exists. And the school continues to be a part of my life cos Amma still teaches there and I see most of the teachers often. They even came for my wedding (all 32 of them :) and came in hoards to be my side when I had Miss T. They even promised to tell Miss T embarrassing stories from my student days; which are there in plenty.

I had a rocking time in school. I did very well in all subjects except Maths! (I believe this is a genetic problem. God help Miss T) I didn't fail or anything but never as good as the other subjects. I was also good at sports. So I got away with most bratty things I did as in I didn't get into serious trouble. All through school i wasn't very hard to find me kneeling outside the classroom all the while giggling. Mostly for not doing my homework or talking in the class.

But my friends changed every year. Not because I dumped them but cos they'd move on. I now realise that people were nice to me cos I was a popular kid and a teacher's kid at that. Then it would break my heart when friends changed loyalties. Now it doesn't feel so bad when I look back. I know it sounds very pompous when I say I was the best types. But back then I didn't know that :) I was just having a lot of fun.

The big twist came when I was in Class 7. I decided to stand for school elections. My class teacher didn't want me to. I was told later that if teacher's kid too much attention then they will say school's being partial. Exact words by my class teacher. But I was heart broken. I wanted to be the school leader, lead the assembly n all that. But well.

Anyways I became yellow house leader and won every bloody competition there was that year both individually and as a group. (See I told you I rocked). It was also the year I discovered the importance of boy friends. See the girl who became the school leader wasn't the brightest thing in the class nor was she popular. But she won by large majority. When I dug a little deeper I discovered her boyfriend had bribed and threatened half the school to vote for her. He was a very big guy :) And I started wondering if I should find a boy friend for myself. Enter A.

A was this boy who sat next to me from class 4 to class 10. He owned a VCR (a rare phenomenon) and watched all the movies that could be watched. And then he'd come to school and tell me the stories. We constantly talked through the class hours. Telling each other stories. In Class 7 when half the class was busy being boyfriend, girl friend to each other, A got it into his head that he should marry me. When he walked up to me in the middle of the kho-kho practice and said so, I laughed my head off and continued to play. He got very offended and didn't talk to me for a whole year. I again considered if I should say yes to him cos I missed all the stories.

But like I said, friends changed every year. And I am not in touch with a single soul.

After this the college was horrible for me. It was the worst 2 years. All girls college. All of them either wanting to be a doctor or an engineer AND a wife. No talk of sports. Mention a boy and they'd go oooooh or chhheeeeee. And endless talks of MTv which was a rage just then (I didn't have cable yet) and Mills n Boons. I'll never forgive my parents for putting me in that college. My father's biggest worry was I was behaving more like a boy than a girl. Well, college didn't help cos half the time I climbed over the compound wall and came back home :P

Life's circles

It has been two years since M's demise and we can't bring ourselves to talk about it without lump in the throat. It is very sad when life's taken away at such an young age. I have been thinking about M for the last few days and today I came across this page for one J Olapally on FB. I didn't know the guy. But reading that page I know I would've liked him. Turns out we had quite a few common friends. He reminded me of M. Not quite the same characters but just that they were loved by all who met them and they both passed away while on a trek and so young.

If there's another world. I hope J & M meet. They'd like each other.

This last week was a reminder of life's circles. on 31st a good friend of mine had a boy baby. On the same day, another friend lost her 7 month old boy to fever. It was heart breaking to talk to the mother. I couldn't let let go of Miss T all day. It rattled me.

Tag

I have never attempted a tag before. I was tagged once but it was tooooooo long so I quit before I started. But this one short so here it is. I was tagged by therestlessquill

7 random things about myself.

1) Although I don't look like it, I love playing dress up, even now :)

2) Sushmita Sen was my role model when I was 19. (I will do a post on this whole episode soon)

3) I hate Pizzas.

4) Children were always on my list but husband was a surprise to me and everyone else around.

5) I am afraid of going to beauty parlours and not for hygiene reasons.

6) I love mushy, soppy romantics movies.

7) I make movies in my head all the time

I tag Shruthi, Whizkid, erratika, HVR and Srim. I know the tag's meant for 7 people but I dunno that many people :)

Now for the rules

1) You have to tag 7 people

2) You have to link their pages in your tag post

3) You have to leave a comment in their comments section telling them they've been tagged

4) Say who tagged you.

Resolutions

Little late in the year you say? Well not really cos these are Birthday resolutions. I have attempted to make and keep new resolutions for a loooong time yes looong time now :) So I thought may be if I make birthday resolutions I might actually keep some of them if not all. And if I make them public (to the 4.5 readers I've got but that's public enough I think)

So here it goes in no particular order

1. Keep writing blogs, articles, fiction...
2. Make some films
3. Teach - anything it is very fulfilling and a great learning experience I've realised.
4. Walk more
5. Introduce Miss T to treks - it might be too early but i will keep it on the list.
6. Reignite romance. No it isn't dead. Just that careers, egos tripping, potty training, teething, sleep, fatigue and all else has taken priority.
7. Learn to blow my own trumpet (at least until others take over :D)
8. Will not take BS from anyone, for anything. Even if I love them to death.

Lets see how this goes.

When things get on your nerves

I want to sleep, I want to take a breath, I want to put my feet up. Heck I need a pedicure.

I want find all those people who made a fuss about me sleeping so much and shoot them.

I don't want one more mother coming up to me and saying 'aapki bacchi tho phir bhi teek hai meri tho bahut shaitaan hai' or whine about how her child fusses to eat

I don't want anyone to tell me about the sacrifices motherhood requires.

I just want to be left alone.

Question.

If I say "oh men are just stupid sometimes" am I being a sexist, a feminist or realist?

Unconnected posts

When is one old enough to say NO? All the while when I was a kid I heard NO from every quarter. mostly amma :), teachers and random adults. I was so looking forward to growing up and saying No at will. 3 decades older though I am today, I can't say NO to a lot of people. I can't say NO amma ever (Emotional blackmail kicks off before i can even get to the vowel.) Saying NO to in laws is outlawed. You can't say no to dear friends and not so dear friends lest you hurt them. Thankfully I don't have a boss per se so i don't have to add him or her to this list. May be when I am a crabby 60 year old i can do that. But what's the fun? People will think am the senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it. I want to do it NOW. Even if people say am acting like a senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it :)

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I have been taking Miss T out a lot these days. Meeting people is part of growing up right? So I thought I should use this opportunity and meet Shruthi and Puttacchi. Whom I have known for sometime via the blog. I did meet them briefly a few years ago at the Just Femme Film Festival. So off we went. And what fun we had! Puttacchi was an absolute delight and she played a gracious host to little Miss T. Shruthi and I chatted on with no hesitance whatsoever. Didn't even realise that that we had stayed on longer than originally planned. I hope to do it again :)

S&P thank you :)

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I get to go out twice a week for a few hours, alone. And what a joy it is to be out on my own. I mean, as much as I love Miss T...it is so nice to be out and about. Drive my bike. Meet adults. Have adult conversations. There's a niggling bit of guilt of leaving the baby behind of course. But when I come back Miss T practically jumps into my arms with such squeals of joy that all the guilt vanishes away.

It has been nearly two years since I did things on my own. Little things like buying veggies from the market is a such a joy when you don't have to wait for someone to do it for you!

Here's to freedom. Even if it is twice a week :)

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Squirm!

I hate hate hate hate to admit this, but Ekta Kapoor was not off the mark with her saas bahu sagas. I never thought all those crazy stuff one saw on the idiot box could hit so close to home. It is scaring me!

What is even more scary is that like in serials there is no end to this nonsense. It is an eternal rut and no one tries too hard to get out of it. I can understand why the Queen Bee of TV doesn't want things to end. But the way people accept crap and live with it for absolutely no benefits is unfathomable!

Don't bother reading it is a random vent

Round and round around and round and round we go. No I am not talking about revolution. But certain issues in life. They never go away. You keep talking about again and again again and again. Like Mrs Butterfly would say What bore!