But I also believe that I will not be able to finish it till I am ready. When the time is right there is no need to wait. It will happen, unpleasant as it may be but will be over with and there'll be one less thing to be guilty about. The feeling of lightness is palpable.
Then there is another kind of catching up. Catching up with the people who walked all over you, looking them in the eye and say "I haven't forgotten. I might be able to forgive you someday. But you will not do that to me ever again" (well not that Hollywoodish exactly but something like that). A friend who took advantage of your trust and put you in a place where you could trust no one anymore. A loved one who wasn't there when you needed him/her the most. A colleague who screwed you over to save his/her own as*...the list is pretty long actually.
I do take great pleasure in striking them off the list. It isn't the guilt that needs to do the vanishing act here. It is the feeling of betrayal, humiliation and inability to trust that's to be chipped off one tiny piece at time.
This doesn't mean these things don't repeat themselves. Some one will lie to me, some one will make me the scapegoat for their inadequacies and so on and so forth. But hey who said anything about life being easy? I only need some breather once in a while just so that I can get back at them in true Hollywood style (Bollywood style is too melodramatic and masculine for my temperament so apologies.)