Wednesday, September 06, 2006

An open letter to all mothers

...who have sons or will have sons.

My dear,

I am writing this on behalf of all the women from my generation who for the rest of their lives have to live with the precious sons you have produced and brought up. We have taken these men as our brothers, friends, and as husbands. And I can I assure it is not easy on us; that is why I am writing to you because we have realised that you alone can help the next generation of women.

1) Do tell your son that he is precious and special but not so often that he expects his sister, girlfriend or wife to treat him like a demi-god if not god himself.
2) Do take him to the kitchen and show him around as often as you would to your daughter. So that his girlfriend or wife doesn't have to introduce him to chopping board and sowtu when he is 25.
3) Do teach him about keeping a house - dust it, clean it and keep things in order. So that later when his girlfriend or wife tells him these things need to be done, he is not shocked because he always thought no one actually did any of this, but was somehow done, as if my magic.
4) Do tell him that you actually get up before him and make his morning coffee out of love (and that you can sometimes not to do it even if you love him) and not because it is a woman's duty.
5) Every once in a while do tell him you don't feel like steaming over the stove and make endless chapathis for him and that he has to make do with a quick rasam or mosaranna just this once.
6) Do tell him that when all of you go out for a fun day at a mall and come back home you are as tired as him and so you cannot magically recover in a matter minutes and make coffee and snacks or dinner for the family. You need to rest as well, just as he wants put up his legs and talk about all the fun things he saw that day.
7) Do let him carry grocery bags as often so that he doesn't start to believe that when he goes grocery shopping he doesn't have to volunteer to carry bags till he sees the woman with him is about to collapse under its weight.
8) Do talk to him about your problems and worries. So that later when his girlfriend or wife wants to talk to him, he doesn't wonder "doesn't she have girlfriends to talk about "girlie" things?" Sure testosterone will come in the way of his understanding once in a while but atleast the other women are spared the effort of telling him it is "not abnormal"
9) Do tell him about labour pain you had to endure for him and the cramps you get during PMS. So that he knows having babies is not easy on women and that the woman he is in love with doesn't go crazy every fullmoon / newmmon but is just going through PMS once a month.
10) Lastly please stop believing that you are a miracle, just because you have produced a son and that you need special attention all the time. It is plain simple biology at work (that too not from your side). You are not any more special than the woman who has had three girls in a row.

Pl. do understand that we are on the same side here. Had the mothers of previous generation had done even half of these things said above, trust me, your married life would certainly have been better. You would've never had to say "no one listens to me" when in reality you wanted to say "my husband is a pain in the butt and I blame his mother for it"

We are on the same side here. think about it.

13 comments:

Sav said...

Oh dear...

Shruthi said...

Hey, that's a very good list!!

Abhipraya said...

Sav, thanks for linking this on your blog.
Shruthi,Thanks :-)

Vijay said...

Very interesting post.. my mom did these with me.. sometimes being a "mom" is unappreciated. Worked full time, made sure that we understood our responsibilities...

Well I still feel they have a right to be proud.. not because they had sons.. but because they had children...

Abhipraya said...

Vijay,

Nice to know a man's perspective on this.

Kannan said...

I just love reading your post. Beautifully written one. (My mother had made me and my sis know our house duties early and though she did the bulk of things the cleaning part was left to me, my sis and my father. But she was, and still is, 'the woman who made her husband work in house' in the family.)

ajnabi said...

Good post,
working mothers automatically ensure that the children get to do all the things you have listed. But still women are yet to be fully understood by men. Most of their issues do not get the needed attention.

Abhipraya said...

Kannan,

Do thank your mom from me. We need more women like her :-)

Ajnabi,
Yor are so correct. One hopes that if we keep talking about it eventually we will be understood.

Prasadh said...

Abhipraya is a nice name . Is it sanskrit or kannada name? does it mean opinion?

Abhipraya said...

Prasadh,
It is a kannada name (with a sanskrit root I think) and yes it does mean opinion.

The Kid said...

I LIKED this one...

Sajana said...

ah! finally managed to read a sensible post after ages on the net!

Abhipraya said...

Sajana,
thank you :-)))))