The grand "domestic goddess" experiment

This was a post meant for JF. But now with that on a break (sounds like a couple is on a break :) I putting it up here with suitable modifications of course.

A few years ago a friend of mine got married to this sweet girl and we met up a few weeks after their marriage. General conversation was happening, which was a little difficult considering the girl was full 8 years younger than me and came from a small town. No, she wasn't low on confidence or anything but we simply didn't have anything in common. So I adopted my usual tactics, turned the conversation towards movies and domestic matters. Movies are never a problem since we all have the pretty much the same grouses or happy moments with them. But the conversation on domestic issues was very hard for me. I am bad at it. I didn't want to bring up the MIL aspect considering the girl was married only a few weeks but more importantly because she had a darling for a MIL (yes that rare species isn't extinct just endangered :) So we talked about cooking and cleaning and maids. She said she didn't want to use a maid and did all the work herself since there were only two of them in a not so big house. She also said she didn't have any time left after the chores for anything else. Now this stumped me. Just how much work could be there? Anyways at that point of time I was too busy shuttling between Madurai and every where else so I forgot all about it.

A few months ago I was reminded of this conversation and I decided to do an experiment. For about 6 weeks I decided to do all the chores around the house by myself (excluding cleaning vessels and the mopping) So for 6 weeks I cleaned up every inch of the house every day. I folded clothes and put them in wardrobes. I cleaned the kitchen 3 times a day. I cooked 3 times a day. I dusted every inch of the house. I rearranged things in wardrobe and attics. I bought groceries. I basically did everything. All this work took me FIVE hours everyday. FIVE hours! And what did I feel at the end of it? Well nothing much really. Yes, the house sparkled 7 days a week instead of about 4. Yes, V had no work to do at all. I don't know how he felt about it I didn't ask. But he did notice all the scrubbing and cleaning and asked if I was alright (!) Yes, things went a lot smoother since I did all the work and didn't go after V to do it. (He's a very nice guy and helps me out all the time. But then he's a guy and he needs to be told some times that's all :) And after all this I was still left with about 5 hours of time...I guess this why women did a lot of sewing, embroidery and made HappaLa and pickles! Since my skills in these areas are worse than a 3-year-old's I had to think of other ways to keep myself occupied.

So what was the result of this grand experiment? I think it just proved that the phenomenon "Domestic Goddess" was created to keep a woman busy when she had nothing else to do and of course it works very much in a man's favour.

Needless to say the experiment was abandoned. Now I have to do a quick clean up when some guests announce they are coming. My fridge isn't well stocked (I don't think I can ever claim that it is, after I saw what Nigella Lawson stocks up!!!) We sometimes had to order in or have bread for breakfast. V, has to fold up his own clothes and make his own coffee and my maid has to ensure she doesn't miss too many corners while cleaning. But what the heck I have at least 8 hours to do things that I want to do and feel absolutely joyful at the end of the day.

Joys of Motherhood - Part 2

Few months ago my maid walked up to me and said "I have missed my date" I have never been able to come up with an appropriate response to this statement. The first time I heard it was when I was 20 and an unmarried girl friend of mine said this on phone. I panicked but had no clue what to say. Thankfully the "date" arrived a little later simplifying lives for both of us.

My maid who is probably in her mid 20s (she can't tell how old she is) has a 4 year old boy and had once told me she doesn't want to have a second child. She even had tied up her tubes to that effect. But these things are not permanent solutions apparently Every 3 years you are supposed to re-do them to avoid infections ( I am not sure of this). She got it removed and was to go back and put in a fresh "copper-T" after a few days and she got pregnant in that 10 days! She didn't want to have that child. But her entire family said that having a second child would be the best way to reign in her wayward husband who spent all his money on god knows what!

She was in two minds. I asked her if she needed any sort of help. Although I didn't really want to complicate things for her by giving her gyaan. (Although had she been pregnant for 3rd time or something I'd probably have persuaded to think about this) But what I wasn't comprehending was how having another child would make a man responsible? He didn't do that when he got married nor with the first child...I am afraid this girl will end up taking care of both the children!

She decided to keep the child. But she wouldn't do any of the things that is said to be good for mother and child. She still skipped breakfast. Hardly had any supplements and nutrition was not even considered. If I try goading here she'd say "I didn't do any of this for my first child and he's fine." But what about her health? She's one skinny thing with no flesh anywhere. She just won't lsiten. Now she's 7 months pregnant and she still comes to work and cleans my house. My heart misses a beat everytime she picks up a bucket of water for mopping or she dives to pick up something on the floor. I can ask her not come for work. But that won't change anything she'll simply find another house! So all I can do for now is keep her here, give her as less work as possible. I can't feed her because she thinks anything tasty or healthy ought to be given to her son and not her. Even if I give her plenty she'll take it all for that boy. I get angry at how little she cares about herself. She won't even let someone pamper her at this most "special" time.

I am just hoping she has a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Of course V is very very worried that she's gonna be delivering in our living room because she has no intentions of taking off till her ninth month.

Joys of Motherhood - Part 1

Motherhood "they" tell is supposed to be the most joyous of moments in a woman's life. Past few months have however made me question it. I am putting up this 3 part series explaining how. Caution: These posts have been pending for a while and hence lot of venting is coming this way.

Right from the time I got married I was under severe pressure to produce an offspring. After 2 years of relentless harping everyone around decided that I hate children. The thought that somehow we might want to spend more time with each other never made sense to anyone. Anyways then came the dreaded number 30. On my birthday people called me to wish happy birthday and promptly ended the phone calls saying "you should think about having children at least now. you are not getting younger." Thank you really!

And guess what according to "science" the best age to procreate for a girl is between 20 & 25. Really? You mean to say I had missed the train simply by getting married at 25? The offsprings produced after the "best age" may not be of "best quality" a very sweet middle aged lady once told me. (I don't know who she is. She was traveling with me on a bus and this was the conversation.)

The docs around the town don't make it easier for you either. In case you decide to do the "right" thing and get a pre-conception counselling / tests. They automatically assume you are having trouble making a baby. Your files will have the dreaded word "primary infertility suspected" if you are married for more than a year (It won't matter if you tell them that you decided to have the baby just last week. They nod their heads and write what they want to). And if you are gullible enough they send you marching off to fertility clinics where they tell you things like you are not producing eggs or that you might have more of male hormones and hence they need to treat with the best of medicines. Which, needless to say are bloody expensive. More expensive than a holiday to to Maldives where you will have such a good time that you might actually come back with the "good news."

This story is true to more than one 30-year-old woman I know! The well meaning friends and family are just worried that you are not part of the "normal" society and goad you on. And the well meaning doctors of course take advantage of this paranoia and make cart loads of money. I mean what's the point of starting a family under such severe pressure? And not that they let you live your life once you actually get pregnant!

Randomness in life

32 months since I started this blog and 201 posts are out there. Didn't think I will keep posting like this when I started. Sure the initial fervour of posting isn't there but I still want to write, which I think is a good thing.

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16 years of school calendar takes a toll on you. I crave for some new action around June every year (beginning of the academic year remember?) There is a tendency to wind down action towards April/ May, October and December thanks to the annual holidays. And Feb - Mar has a senses of anxiety attached to it (Final exams).

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My pet project Just Femme has hit a road block. Lack of participation is as much a reason as lack of funds. Still trying to figure out how to work it out. Not ready to throw in the towel yet.

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This year 7 of my friends had babies. 4 girls and 3 boys. Last year 6 of my friends had babies 5 of them were girls. I am wondering about the ratio for the year 2009 :)

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I have been out of action for almost 2 months now. I can't even read! At other times this would drive me crazy. This time around I feel no such thing. Me n V are the only ones surprised by this though. V asks me almost every other day. You are sure you are ok with this? And surprisingly I am more than ok with it. Usually I am not very comfortable with people fussing about me either. But I am slowly getting used to it.

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Have you seen the movie Prem Pujari (1965)? It is one convoluted plot on patriotism. Seriously!

PS: At this time of the year I am very prone to randomness. Check out this post that was put up around the same time last year.

Mumbai Horror - the media circus

For the 3 days of the Mumbai Horror I couldn't stop watching TV. Initially I was shocked beyond words to turn it off and then it was why isn't it ending...how many people will lose lives, sort of thing that kept me staring at the TV. But through it all there was just one question - why are the top television journalists acting like headless chickens?

Some of the brilliant questions the journos were asking were beyond comprehension! They asked one of the Security officers (in charge of NSG I think) "Have you ever been in a situation as grave as this?" The man blinks and says well, no...we haven't seen anything like this. And Lo behold the next minute the ticker on the channel says "NSG: Never been in a situation like this"

Barkha Dutt, the beacon of Indian television journalism and the inspiration for all young things to come into the idiot box was at her brilliant best. She couldn't stop showing off her connection to the "sources" and the insensitive questions wouldn't stop coming. At one point she announced to us that a Pakistani Minister had called her directly and said Pakistan will do whatever it can to help us. I am wondering how come she didn't ask him why he didn't call his Indian counterpart to make it official. She wouldn't stop asking the relatives of hostages "How are you feeling?" or "you must be horrified..."

Yes it takes tremendous energy to do this kind of reporting and we appreciate your energy but would it be too much trouble to be a less dramatic and a little more balanced? Or is "balance" a word that is taught to you out of compulsion at journalism schools?

Arnab Goswami was the other guy lose his head on air. He was saying things that one hears at a discussion at a dinner table with his guests. That means a lot of guessing (Intelligent guesses at times if I may add) and say things like India should've beefed up security...really you think so? And his guests were Prahlad Kakkar and Arjun Rampal. Of course they were discussing national security with no more authority than I do. But since he's the only adult employed at Times Now...We just have to make do with him.

On Headlines Today Rahul Kanwal (who other wise is quite sane but I guess the whole thing got to him) was trying to hard show the anger of the country's people by shouting questions at politicians, trying to provoke them. HT's defence expert Shiv Aroor was giving us insights on what kind of chopper was being used airdrop commandos on to the Nariman House. The details included the make, the capaicity and the kind of arms that can carry or has. Is that the kind of information you reveal while the operation is going on at that moment?

There are tons and tons of mails / sms / blogs compalining about the media hoopla. In response to it there are some emails from the journalists saying it is easier criticise and one thing to be in the middle of all the action and there are restrictions. Yes we agree but then when you are on national television and practically everyone knows how much you are paid. So the least you can deliver is common sense added to your "knowledge." Is that too much to ask?