Abhipraya - Unasked and unpaid for!

Note to self

2012-01-27T02:27:00.000+05:30

You are always alone. There are people. But you are always alone.

A truth that I have been refusing to accept. And with age, the wisdom(!!!) has come to accept the reality. To say to myself that shit remains shit and that I should move on.

To accept that love changes, love diminishes, love dies. But you can move on. Heartbreaks aren't permanent. It might hurt longer, leave a scar but it is not permanent. You can find your old sweetheart on FB, looking perfectly happy with his 2 kids. And yet know he hasn't forgotten you just by the way he tries so hard to stay out of your life.

That there is no absolute freedom. Only degrees of it. And that most of the constraints come from within.

11 years ago there was one such moment when I decided that I am not taking shit anymore and that I will do exactly as I please. And I did. For about 2 years, everything was happy and hungover. But I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that freedom came with.

You can't please yourself and everyone else. I paid a price. But I didn't learn anything. Rather refused to learn. (Something about teacher's kids being dumb eh)

But this time I am older and wiser (!!!) and I do know to pick my battles. And I do know loneliness comes with the territory. I plan to find a way to circumvent it. No fight, no ignoring.

I hope that I move on. Not capitulate.

You are always alone. There are people. But you are always alone.

S

2011-12-03T17:08:00.000+05:30

I was not close to her. But we had our moments in the year that we spent together. Her happy, sarcastic, funny, witty self, hid a lot of anger and frustration but she didn't let it come in the way of life.

I saw her on and off a few times in the last 9 years. We made umpteen plans to meet up in the last two years but they never materialised.

All her excuses sounded just that, excuses. Then she visited me a month ago. We talked about things that were of little consequence. She was unhappy I could tell. I knew things were not right. I had heard rumours of depression, attempts at fixing a broken marriage. I knew about her desperation to get back into the 'mainstream' career. But I also knew she was a proud woman who held it all together. The seemingly happy marriages and great careers didn't really make her comfortable enough to confide, reach out. I made no real attempt to reach out either.

For the first time in my life, I told myself this is not my battle, I have too many things to sort out for myself. Surely she has made other friends over the years whom she can reach out to?

But then I heard last Monday that she decided to end it all. She apparently made one last phone call to her husband, said this is it. And that was that. In her own spotless home, surrounded by happy marriage pictures she tied that noose around her neck. An image that refuses to go away.

I was never close to her. But it breaks my heart to think that she had no one to reach out to.

People tell me when you are on the brink of it you don't really want to reach out. Friends and family don't matter. I don't believe that.

May be I am kidding myself by thinking I should've reached out and that may be she would've reciprocated.

But for now all I can think of is how she was sitting across me holding my little girl and I was telling myself it is not my battle.

People also tell me that she may be in a better place now. Are you at peace S?

Mumbai yet again

2011-07-14T17:57:00.000+05:30

I have never come close to the terror that Mumbai and its people (and thousands of others right from Kashmir to the North East) have had to live with. I hope I don't have to. And I hope this is last time I have to wonder about how those people felt.

But I do wonder how hard it must be for them. 2 weeks ago Kumar Sangakkara (yes the cricketer from Sri Lanka) delivered a spectacular speech at the MCC on terror and cricket in his country. Everything he said was so profound and genuine, but this line stayed with me - 'parents would take separate buses so that should anything happen, at least one of them will go back to the children.' I cannot think about it without a lump in my throat. That line kept kept coming back to me as I watched inexperienced and experienced journalists ask stupid questions to people who hadn't had time to wash off the dust from all the blasts.

All those people who died yesterday...so many dreams, so many hopes and probably some bitterness came to an end. And someone else decided to end it for them. We'll never know who, why or probably even how.

This is not the post i started out to write. I was generally thinking about all the hoopla around Mumbai forgetting the fears and stepping out and wondering about my own fears. But that list (yes a long one at that) is silly compared what the people of Mumbai and elsewhere feel in a the face of constant fear.

Of all the rhetoric that's floating around, This one made a lot of sense. Battered housewife is a perfect if unacceptable analogy.

And so another Monday went by

2011-07-11T23:45:00.000+05:30

Discovered interesting things about a colleague today. Dunno what to make of all the information I have on hand. But glad I know better. I don't think ignorance is bliss when it comes to knowing people.

I am looking for a break on how to take Just Femme forward. That's all I've been thinking about for a while now.

That and how to make the days stretch longer than 24 hours. Neither of the problems are yielding at this point in time.

This week in a few words. OK! Sentences

2011-07-09T23:06:00.001+05:30

Death of two gold fish. Never again am I bringing them fish into this house! It is too sad :(

Rediscovering music. Bade Ghulam Ali Khan and Beatles no less :) It makes me insanely happy :)

Lovely books for company. Inspiring. have you seen this? That's were I keep track of my book reads. Psst do check out my reading list. Very thrilled about it.

Bonding with Miss T like never before. It is actually so much fun to talk to her.

Sunday is promising to be very exciting since V is back after 2 weeks.

Now if only I could rediscover the trick to trick the writer's block outta my head...

Monday at home

2011-07-04T19:05:00.000+05:30

Traffic was piled up practically to my door step. I'd had a rough morning with Miss T with lot of yelling,kicking, and crying so I decided to work from home. Not surprisingly I am more productive at home than I am in the office. I browse lesser. I spend less time on FB and Twitter :)

But it felt so wonderful to receive T when she got back from school :) She didn't jump in joy or any such thing. But she was content. Monday office ilva (No office on Monday?) she said :) The context being me trying to explain that the only day she and I and V can spend the whole day together is when there's no office or school which is only on Saturday and Sunday. And so Monday thuuusday ella school chennagilla is what I hear every morning. (Monday, Tuesday etc., there's school. It is not nice).

Oh my beloved Sankey Road

2011-07-01T17:07:00.001+05:30

In the late 90s this was the road that I'd take to and from work for many years. There wasn't crazy traffic like now. The wait at the Bhashyam circle signal couldn't have been more than 5 min.

But what excited me the most was the drive from Bhashyam circle on to Sankey Road at sunset. It was a 5 minute drive overall but the one I used to plan very carefully and wait for all day. I couldn't do it too often since my office ended after sunset on most days. But I managed to drive down that road at least once a week. What a glorious sight that was. Calm, quiet drive down the road with bright orange sun rippling the lake. I'd even turn back at Malleshwaram 18th cross junction just to do the drive all over again.

For a brief period the signals from MG Road to Raj bhavan was synchronised and if I planned it right I could cruise along the entire stretch...driving into the sunset literally. The orange sun in my eyes all along, playing hide and seek against the silhouetted trees.

Now I dread to even occasionally venture on to MG Road or Sankey road.

MG Road has lost many trees to Metro and today Sankey Road's losing its trees to road widening. The localites however are not interested in road widening.

Where is this going to stop I wonder.

Wednesday is here

2011-06-29T17:51:00.003+05:30

Action ready

Action Tuesday

2011-06-28T18:24:00.002+05:30

Invigorating
Proactive

Monday Mutterings

2011-06-27T23:10:00.000+05:30

Sleepy
Love
Clueless

Tired Thursday

2011-06-23T18:27:00.003+05:30

Tired

Twisted Tuesday

2011-06-21T21:54:00.000+05:30

Incredulous
Outrage
Sad
Disconnect
Fatigue
Twisted

Monday Mutterings

2011-06-20T17:19:00.000+05:30

Yeah the title should tell you i've run out of real words! But here it goes.

Guilt
Boredom
Disgust
Hunger
Excitement
Resignation

Friday Fundas

2011-06-17T17:49:00.000+05:30

Fear
Happiness
Tasty
Disappointment
Worry
Eager
Determined

All that in one day and technically the day is not over yet.

Thursday Tantrums

2011-06-16T21:40:00.003+05:30

Words for the day:

Boxed
Frustrated
Intrigued
Incredulous
Smile
Angry

PS: I have had a writer's block for more than a year now. But I shall take baby steps. Will write down one word at a time, everyday. And some day hopefully words will tumble out and make sentences. Till then Roll the dice.

Very WTF phase

2011-02-07T18:33:00.002+05:30

Everything that canNOT go wrong is going wrong.

Save for Miss T's mostly joyous ruckus.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Writer's block isn't helping.

Do you fight for gender sensitivity through your blog?

2010-10-01T16:51:00.004+05:30

Then you can get recognised for doing your bit. The third UNFPA Laadli media awards have been announced for more details go here. And they have a category for blogs :)

Send in your entries before November 1st.

Who said blogging is just a personal exercise? :)

Do pass it on to your other blogger friends. And if you know anyone writing regional blogs, rope them in too. There is a special category for regional blogs.

Corny existential stuff

2010-09-13T00:51:00.004+05:30

I don't usually do these kinds of posts. But then this is my vent space and these days my only vent space. so...

Do you ever get a feeling that you have changed so much that you can't figure out yourself? Well I feel like that these days. (I told you it was corny)

The image, that was me and the new and not necessarily improved me, (post baby) is almost irreconcilable. I can't seem to get a hold of things. The control freak that I am...hate it. Totally abhor it. I was never the fixed routine kind of person anyways. But all impulses and the reaction to it was all mine. These days I just react. And not always nicely. There is no mindspace to think, create, execute outside of Miss T's diet plans. And as much as I love that child, that isn't enough.

I didn't realise how bad it was to not have a career till now. I don't work full time. Worse, I work from home; so I can't claim to be a career woman and I am not your typical homemaker either (no offence to homemakers). I am in my own little trishanku swarga.

And I swear I could do with a LOT less guilt. I am prone to guilt and then there are people to make it worse. There is no getting away from people is there?

I have no clue on the way forward. May be it'll just occur to me in my sleep. Or may be I'll just get used to this.

PHHHHHBBBBRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTT

Mishmash

2010-08-25T23:00:00.005+05:30

Just for the record :) Miss T tries to distract me from giving her a lesson in what not to do by pointing to the fan or a light bulb just the way I do when she gets cranky.

If that doesn't work. She starts dancing by bobbing up and down.

What can I say? :D

****

Well, in the muddled up head of mine, the only thing that seems to be working right and on schedule is Miss T's things. Her food, play time, story time, medicines and doctor's visits. Everything else is all over the bloody place!

Work, relationships, movies, books, music, party - I've got no time and some times no energy for these things. It has been over a year and I still can't seem to get the hang of it. Or is this how it is for every mother? Or am I trying too hard to make things go on like it was before? Any of you young ladies know the answer to this one?

****

I've been hunting around for college students to work on one of our projects. Man are they on a high horse or what! I want to box their ears and tell them to go back to school and learn basics. They bloody sit back shaking their foot when I am asking them if they understood what is expected of them. And then the next day they send me an SMS, an SMS saying they "cannot commit" to the project! SMS. No mail, no call. And for the money I am paying them they ought to be working for an entire month from 9 - 5. Instead they complain that the project means long travel hours (whose costs we are ready to reimburse btw.) And then they have the audacity to ask if they can send me their resume when they finish their course!

Actually I'd like to hire them, make them sit in an office and tell them exactly how useless they are. I know it will cost me money but it will be worth it.

I'd like to see how many of them land a job and if they survive it.

****

Talking of jobs. The kids these days apply to a call centre, get through, sit through the training period for which they are paid and then quit. Easy money eh? Wonder how long they can keep it up.

****

I am dreading the whole schooling experience that is about befall on Miss T. The sense of competition parents have is SCARY. They'll do anything to get their kids ahead in line. ANYTHING. And am not so high on getting the "best" school with "best academic record" but am not sure of this whole learn horse riding as a life-skill kinda non-formal schools either. And if I don't care and V doesn't care and Miss T doesn't care we are going to be under a lot of pressure to justify our carefree (or careless if you are on the other side). I am sure V & I can handle it but what about Miss T? huh. My only lifeline is the fact that this is still two years away.

****

I meet a lot of women these days on formal occasions, who introduce themselves as Mrs so and so and a mother of two. And they go on to add that being a mother is part of who they are and so it is part of introduction.

I never introduce myself as Mrs neither do I bring up the daughter unless it is in some context or if someone asks me directly. And I don't feel like putting Miss T's picture (by herself or with me) as my profile picture in any of the networking sites. I didn't have V as part of my profile either. Not that I am afraid to reveal that I am married or embarrassed to say I am a mother. I simply don't think I have to tell that loud on every single occasion. Does this happen to you?

****

I do a lot of mindless surfing these days and hooked to the Simpsons, late night show. I am not getting any more intelligent with either of it but that's what I am doing. Then I hit the bed saying gosh it is the end of August already.

PHHHRRRBBBT

Questions

2010-06-27T23:27:00.002+05:30

I probably won't regret it, but I will wonder, won't I? I probably won't miss it. I will probably be able to look at the big picture ; look back, weigh the pros and cons and be content.

Is that enough?

This is all I get, one chance to do all that I want to do, all I want to say, all I want to be. How can I be just content?

Tuilka Blogathon

2010-06-10T15:39:00.003+05:30

I've never done a blogathon before and what fun to do it on rhymes :) So here it goes.

Kannada rhyme that teaches clapping for younger children and shopping to older ones :)

roTTi angaDi kiTTappa

nangondu roTTi taTTappa

puTaani roTTi

kempage suTTu

ombattu kaasige kaTTappa

biddu hOdeetu kiTTappa

This one's about a greedy boy who wouldn't share his

baNNada tagaDina Tutturi

kaasige konDanu kasturi

sarigamapadhanisa oodidanu

sanidhapamagarisa oodidanu

tanage tutturi ideyenda

beraarigu ada koDenenda

kasturi naDedanu beediyali

jambada kOLiya reetiyali

tutturiyooduta koLada baLi

naDedanu kasturi sanjeyali

jaaritu neerige tutturi

ganTalu kaTTitu neeroori

sarigama oodalu noDidanu

ga ga ga ga saddanu maaDidanu

baNNavu neerina paalaaytu

baNNada tutturi bOLaaytu

baNNada tutturi haaLaaytu

jambada kOlige goLaaytu

Incidentally both the poems are written by GP Rajaratnam. He wrote hundreds of songs for children which are still popular after so many decades.

Id you are interested in participating in the blogathon, go here. You can submit rhymes in any language :)

Avial, backwaters and boiled beans

2010-05-15T19:32:00.007+05:30

This post has long been coming. I really don't know how it got to this. I only know how it started. It started with my husband, V. For all you creatures with fertile imagination out there I am not talking about Miss T's origins. I am talking about the "Mal" madness in my life.

The reason for the review of situation is that even a random google search for an illustrator throws a up a mal woman's blog (she does beautiful illustrations). I decided I need to re-examine my life's choices and see what brought this on.

I grew up with the jokes of Malayalee having set up tea shop before Armstrong landed on Moon and malayalee woman's version of eLu ghante (Kannada words meaning 7 O clock) turning out to be eLu ganda (meaning 7 husbands) due to the nasal twang. And till this post I thought I didn't know many mals while growing up. Turns out I am wrong.

We bought groceries from a Mal shop. The biggest grocery store in the area where we went when we wanted exotic ingredients for cakes and ice cream was a Mal shop. Amma bought her sarees from this very lovely lady whom I only remember as girija's amma. One of my many best friends from school was a Mal girl. The bakery that sold the yummiest coconut biscuits was run by sajina's dad, a Mal. Sajina and I spend quite a bit of time rioting through the shop and hauling off huge caches of coconut biscuits, those animal shaped biscuits (do you get them now?) and rose cooks (that's acchappam :) And some of my parents' friends who plied us with yummy X mas and new year cakes were Mal. One of the nicest boy friends of one my friend was a Mal. I was so upset that they didn't get married that I moped around for months.

Though after school, I didn't come across any Mals for a long time. Then I met these two guys Ajay and Bijay in the computer classes. The two of them were this ultra lecherous creatures that we girls refused to even look at. That put me off all things Mal for a long time.

Then came V. I didn't even think of the fact that he was "Mal" till we decided to tell our parents that we were getting married! V says he swept me off the feet but I maintain that it was temporary amnesia.

Now comes the bewildering part. Ever since V, pretty much every other person I have met and become friends with is a Mal. Journalism college was full of Mal people. And these lovely Mal people I am friends with are somehow married to other wonderful Mal people (I say somehow cos I din't think that was the primary criteria). Through my work I've met a lot of people and mostly Mal. The people I've met via blogs are Mals and so the list goes on. Today I don't have more than half a dozen people on my phone book to whom I can send funny Kannada SMS to. The Mals on the other hand make up more than half of my phone book. Any given day for a quick get together, between V's and my contact list, I'll be the one inviting more Mal friends than him!

The fact that the Mals are out to conquer the world (I truly believe they will one day soon) cannot be the only reason for this phenomenon, right? And I am sure it is not the case of new convert trying to prove that she's as good as any. This is a bit of a puzzle really.

Having confessed to this Mal madness. I have to say this. I don't like Avial (Although I can make a good Avial) I am very wary of young men who've never stepped out of Kerala till they are 21. Like one my friend rightly said most of them are "vaayinokkal parties" (for exact translation turn to the Mal next to you). For the life of me I can't figure out why women can't ring temple bells in God's own country! And Mal friends are fun. Mal families is a different matter altogether. It is like the difference between being tourist and an emigrant :)

Must take a break

2010-05-03T22:12:00.001+05:30

All I have these days rant, rant and more rant :(

Angry young woman

2010-04-22T17:07:00.004+05:30

People / things that make me feel very violent these days

1) Mothers who complain about their husbands' lack of house training but insist on baby sitting their 25 year old sons.

2) Media feigning ignorance on the whole IPL drama while anyone who followed it right from the start would know how rotten it was to start with.

3) Young men acting like little boys who can't pull up their own knickers.

4) Mothers who walk up to other mothers and say you are doing a bad job.

5) People who think it is the easiest thing to work from home.

6) Bad customer service at every turn.

7) Bangalore's development.

8) The thought that Miss T might have to spend her adulthood with no trees and no water for the most part.

9) Schools that charge 2 lakh rupees for a pre-nursery admission and Rs 4500 per month as van fees!

10) The heat. Which I suspect is the main cause for 1-9

The momentous post

2010-04-16T19:44:00.004+05:30

Last few days I have been feeling like Sachin Tendulkar on 98. I realised that the previous post was 249th one. And so I was going to write the 250th one; which for some reason I thought should be very interesting, or funny or at least about some earth shattering discovery I had made. Well nothing of that sort happened. So here I am writing my 250th post in true blue random style, with unrelated topics :)

----

Bangalore has had no water for the most part for the last two days and the situation will continue to be this scary for the next two days. I happened to mention this to one young thing (read 21) and without batting an eyelid she says "oh you took all the water from Tamil Nadu and now you don't have water? Serves you right!" I was too stunned to reply. How early do these parochial mindsets begin?

And as for water situation don't ask, I am living my mother's nightmare. We've got a notice up in the apartment asking us residents to avoid washing clothes and bathing for the next few days for god sake! We are stocking up on wet wipes so that we can follow these instructions!

----

I recently started on Twitter (very reluctantly I might add) because of JustFemme I have still not got the hang of all the tweeting ethics and follow and unfollow funda. But I am amazed how many people use it. Not the least because the whole Tharoor-Modi-IPL thing kicked off on Twitter. And the media's blinkered coverage of this whole episode astounds me! No one's asking the right questions. I am no big fan of Tharoor. But my sympathies are with him on this. To say the brazenness of Modi is shocking is an understatement. I am wondering how much dirty linen the guy must be hoarding to be this bold (or arrogant). Nothing will come off this. IPL drama will continue. No murky details will be unearthed or at least made public. And what will happen of Tharoor and the mysterious Sunanda Pushkar, I am not too sure. But I'll say this, if this Pushkar lady wasn't this good looking and glamorous we wouldn't see her pictures so often. I mean how often did we see the ex-wife of Shoaib Malik? No am not being condescending but it is a fact.

----

Trip down to my school

2010-04-06T15:26:00.003+05:30

I have been wanting to do a post on school days for the longest time. Sheer lethargy to type has been keeping me from doing so. But Quill's post has inspired me. Actually quill has a lot of patience when it comes to typing. Sometimes even her sms is as long as some of my posts :)

Now to the post.

I absolutely loved my school time. All 12 years of it. Well almost :) I didn't go to one of those "the" schools in the city. Unless you've studied there you wouldn't know it exists. And the school continues to be a part of my life cos Amma still teaches there and I see most of the teachers often. They even came for my wedding (all 32 of them :) and came in hoards to be my side when I had Miss T. They even promised to tell Miss T embarrassing stories from my student days; which are there in plenty.

I had a rocking time in school. I did very well in all subjects except Maths! (I believe this is a genetic problem. God help Miss T) I didn't fail or anything but never as good as the other subjects. I was also good at sports. So I got away with most bratty things I did as in I didn't get into serious trouble. All through school i wasn't very hard to find me kneeling outside the classroom all the while giggling. Mostly for not doing my homework or talking in the class.

But my friends changed every year. Not because I dumped them but cos they'd move on. I now realise that people were nice to me cos I was a popular kid and a teacher's kid at that. Then it would break my heart when friends changed loyalties. Now it doesn't feel so bad when I look back. I know it sounds very pompous when I say I was the best types. But back then I didn't know that :) I was just having a lot of fun.

The big twist came when I was in Class 7. I decided to stand for school elections. My class teacher didn't want me to. I was told later that if teacher's kid too much attention then they will say school's being partial. Exact words by my class teacher. But I was heart broken. I wanted to be the school leader, lead the assembly n all that. But well.

Anyways I became yellow house leader and won every bloody competition there was that year both individually and as a group. (See I told you I rocked). It was also the year I discovered the importance of boy friends. See the girl who became the school leader wasn't the brightest thing in the class nor was she popular. But she won by large majority. When I dug a little deeper I discovered her boyfriend had bribed and threatened half the school to vote for her. He was a very big guy :) And I started wondering if I should find a boy friend for myself. Enter A.

A was this boy who sat next to me from class 4 to class 10. He owned a VCR (a rare phenomenon) and watched all the movies that could be watched. And then he'd come to school and tell me the stories. We constantly talked through the class hours. Telling each other stories. In Class 7 when half the class was busy being boyfriend, girl friend to each other, A got it into his head that he should marry me. When he walked up to me in the middle of the kho-kho practice and said so, I laughed my head off and continued to play. He got very offended and didn't talk to me for a whole year. I again considered if I should say yes to him cos I missed all the stories.

But like I said, friends changed every year. And I am not in touch with a single soul.

After this the college was horrible for me. It was the worst 2 years. All girls college. All of them either wanting to be a doctor or an engineer AND a wife. No talk of sports. Mention a boy and they'd go oooooh or chhheeeeee. And endless talks of MTv which was a rage just then (I didn't have cable yet) and Mills n Boons. I'll never forgive my parents for putting me in that college. My father's biggest worry was I was behaving more like a boy than a girl. Well, college didn't help cos half the time I climbed over the compound wall and came back home :P

Life's circles

2010-04-04T12:21:00.003+05:30

It has been two years since M's demise and we can't bring ourselves to talk about it without lump in the throat. It is very sad when life's taken away at such an young age. I have been thinking about M for the last few days and today I came across this page for one J Olapally on FB. I didn't know the guy. But reading that page I know I would've liked him. Turns out we had quite a few common friends. He reminded me of M. Not quite the same characters but just that they were loved by all who met them and they both passed away while on a trek and so young.

If there's another world. I hope J & M meet. They'd like each other.

This last week was a reminder of life's circles. on 31st a good friend of mine had a boy baby. On the same day, another friend lost her 7 month old boy to fever. It was heart breaking to talk to the mother. I couldn't let let go of Miss T all day. It rattled me.

Tag

2010-03-17T14:16:00.003+05:30

I have never attempted a tag before. I was tagged once but it was tooooooo long so I quit before I started. But this one short so here it is. I was tagged by therestlessquill

7 random things about myself.

1) Although I don't look like it, I love playing dress up, even now :)

2) Sushmita Sen was my role model when I was 19. (I will do a post on this whole episode soon)

3) I hate Pizzas.

4) Children were always on my list but husband was a surprise to me and everyone else around.

5) I am afraid of going to beauty parlours and not for hygiene reasons.

6) I love mushy, soppy romantics movies.

7) I make movies in my head all the time

I tag Shruthi, Whizkid, erratika, HVR and Srim. I know the tag's meant for 7 people but I dunno that many people :)

Now for the rules

1) You have to tag 7 people

2) You have to link their pages in your tag post

3) You have to leave a comment in their comments section telling them they've been tagged

4) Say who tagged you.

Resolutions

2010-03-03T12:22:00.003+05:30

Little late in the year you say? Well not really cos these are Birthday resolutions. I have attempted to make and keep new resolutions for a loooong time yes looong time now :) So I thought may be if I make birthday resolutions I might actually keep some of them if not all. And if I make them public (to the 4.5 readers I've got but that's public enough I think)

So here it goes in no particular order

Keep writing blogs, articles, fiction...
Make some films
Teach - anything it is very fulfilling and a great learning experience I've realised.
Walk more
Introduce Miss T to treks - it might be too early but i will keep it on the list.
Reignite romance. No it isn't dead. Just that careers, egos tripping, potty training, teething, sleep, fatigue and all else has taken priority.
Learn to blow my own trumpet (at least until others take over :D)
Will not take BS from anyone, for anything. Even if I love them to death.

Lets see how this goes.

When things get on your nerves

2010-02-19T11:48:00.002+05:30

I want to sleep, I want to take a breath, I want to put my feet up. Heck I need a pedicure.

I want find all those people who made a fuss about me sleeping so much and shoot them.

I don't want one more mother coming up to me and saying 'aapki bacchi tho phir bhi teek hai meri tho bahut shaitaan hai' or whine about how her child fusses to eat

I don't want anyone to tell me about the sacrifices motherhood requires.

I just want to be left alone.

Question.

2010-02-13T21:22:00.002+05:30

If I say "oh men are just stupid sometimes" am I being a sexist, a feminist or realist?

Unconnected posts

2010-02-09T14:18:00.004+05:30

When is one old enough to say NO? All the while when I was a kid I heard NO from every quarter. mostly amma :), teachers and random adults. I was so looking forward to growing up and saying No at will. 3 decades older though I am today, I can't say NO to a lot of people. I can't say NO amma ever (Emotional blackmail kicks off before i can even get to the vowel.) Saying NO to in laws is outlawed. You can't say no to dear friends and not so dear friends lest you hurt them. Thankfully I don't have a boss per se so i don't have to add him or her to this list. May be when I am a crabby 60 year old i can do that. But what's the fun? People will think am the senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it. I want to do it NOW. Even if people say am acting like a senile old woman who just says no for the heck of it :)

***************************

I have been taking Miss T out a lot these days. Meeting people is part of growing up right? So I thought I should use this opportunity and meet Shruthi and Puttacchi. Whom I have known for sometime via the blog. I did meet them briefly a few years ago at the Just Femme Film Festival. So off we went. And what fun we had! Puttacchi was an absolute delight and she played a gracious host to little Miss T. Shruthi and I chatted on with no hesitance whatsoever. Didn't even realise that that we had stayed on longer than originally planned. I hope to do it again :)

S&P thank you :)

***************************

I get to go out twice a week for a few hours, alone. And what a joy it is to be out on my own. I mean, as much as I love Miss T...it is so nice to be out and about. Drive my bike. Meet adults. Have adult conversations. There's a niggling bit of guilt of leaving the baby behind of course. But when I come back Miss T practically jumps into my arms with such squeals of joy that all the guilt vanishes away.

It has been nearly two years since I did things on my own. Little things like buying veggies from the market is a such a joy when you don't have to wait for someone to do it for you!

Here's to freedom. Even if it is twice a week :)

**************************

Squirm!

2010-01-26T23:27:00.003+05:30

I hate hate hate hate to admit this, but Ekta Kapoor was not off the mark with her saas bahu sagas. I never thought all those crazy stuff one saw on the idiot box could hit so close to home. It is scaring me!

What is even more scary is that like in serials there is no end to this nonsense. It is an eternal rut and no one tries too hard to get out of it. I can understand why the Queen Bee of TV doesn't want things to end. But the way people accept crap and live with it for absolutely no benefits is unfathomable!

Don't bother reading it is a random vent

2010-01-09T19:11:00.003+05:30

Round and round around and round and round we go. No I am not talking about revolution. But certain issues in life. They never go away. You keep talking about again and again again and again. Like Mrs Butterfly would say What bore!

Last post of the year

2009-12-24T11:37:00.003+05:30

The year went by super fast! Unlike 2008 that dragged on and on. I have slept less this year than 2001-2002 if that's possible. Why I didn't sleep then i won't tell. But this year was all about Miss T. I can't say it is fun when the child bawls into the night and then into the day leaving you utterly dazed. But the smile she gives you at the end of it makes you forgive her :)

Here's my wish list for 2010

1) I want more sleep

2) Less hormonal for sure

3) More money :)

4) More holidays. How else do I spend all the money?

5) More fun with Miss T

6) More time with V

7) Lesser morons to deal with

8) More friends...umm or may be just the usual ones who are there when you need them

9) More scope for creativity beyond making Miss T eat and sleep.

10 And umm world huh... world peace?

Have a fabulous xmas and a fantabulous new year!

Now off to the seashore I go...in about 4 days but I will be there in 4 days. YAAAAY!

Oh wow it has been long

2009-12-11T20:42:00.003+05:30

time since I blogged. Not that I don't have anything to rant about. I just don't have time. Actually I do have time just that I'd prefer to sleep than type :) I came across a quiz on one of those baby / mommy sites where they asked the new mothers what you'd mostly likely do if you had time. And Sleep trumped Sex with more than 50% votes :D

I am having a super fabulous time with Miss T. She came with a personality which she asserts at every situation possible. I am dreading her teenage. God save us!

Only am getting more and more upset at discovering how bloody difficult it is to be a mom and an individual with interests. The interests could be sleep, shopping or a career. It is more difficult than defying aging aunts and wear no jewellery at the wedding. Seriously, the world starts guiltripping you on day one of motherhood. Even before your anesthesia wears off you are bombarded with how can you do this questions. My mom trained me good. I don't easily get blackmailed. Keyword is 'easily' which means occasionally I do fall for it and boy are they melodramatic or what!

Anyways one day while the breeze from the bodhi tree was passing by it occurred to me that I will have to live with this for as long as I live, so no point fighting. I have accepted it, made my peace with it and now I do exactly as I please :D

There is a lot of action planned for the coming year. Hope to tick them off one by one from my to do list. I am so looking forward to 2010. Miss T is one big reason of course but there are other things too. So YAY!

Bah!!

2009-10-29T10:48:00.001+05:30

Why does it have to be Uterus or the Brains? They are made in a way that both work together and well at that!

#!@$##@!$#@$#@!$#@$@#!#@$

When Insomnia Strikes Randomness Happens

2009-10-25T01:21:00.004+05:30

Like Douglas Adams Said In "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" (I Might Be Paraphrasing Here) Putting Things In Capitals Puts Things In Perspective.

While that might be true typing like that is damn hard.

Anyways back to the post. I suddenly realised that I haven't done any post for more than two months and Whizkid too reminded me :) But my head's just in a swirl these days. Sometimes in a good swirl like the swirl of cream you see on top of fancy coffees and sometimes...well just in a swirl.

I am not able to sleep and growing extremely jealous of V snoring away and Miss T blissfully smiling in her sleep. So am gonna VENT. (Do not read further if you are feeling happy or hoping for some insightful post)

1) Why the effin hell would people want to complicate their lives? I have heard such complicated love stories and family sagas that they make Ekta Kapoor's imagination seem tame!

2) Problems do not go away in life. They are just waiting to delurk when you are happiest.

3) If you don't start it right...you never live it right and possibly won't end it right. And more often than not the starting point is not your hands.

4) Talking things over is the simplest of all joys in any kinda relationship. But that's the hardest thing to do it seems.

5) For the Nth time I want magic in my life. Why isn't there a Hogwarts equivalent to go to at 30? You need magic as you grow older. When you are younger you do think you can "do" everything :)

6) I am loving the internet all the more. I keep up with friends and shop without actually going out. And of course vent like this.

7) I only watch the scrolls run by on news channels (on mute). I turn on the volume only when I cannot find entertainment anywhere else.

8) I have become incapable of reading any newspaper that's not The Hindu.

9) I am very frustrated at car becoming the only mode of transportation in my life :(

10) I can play with Miss T for hours on end. I am very flattered by the attention she gives me and unnerved by the faith she has in me.

11) I am getting better at saying "no"

12) I am learning to be diplomatic...Please to be noting the "tense"

13) I am trying very hard not to swear. But it is too damn hard :D

Like always I am gonna stop at number 13. Now I think I should be able to sleep. And hopefully post something more readable next time around.

So what if we don't have a fancy camera

2009-08-02T07:44:00.004+05:30

We have fancy phones :)

Inspired by Whizkid's SSS I have been attempting to do some shadow photography. So far none even looked good. But yesterday managed to do this with Viva's help. And we like it. So showing off :)

That's me with Miss T

No we weren't posing. It just happened to be so.

HUMPH

2009-07-29T09:53:00.001+05:30

Lots of people can take beautiful pictures...SIGH

hmmm :)

2009-07-23T17:53:00.004+05:30

I will let the pictures do the talking

Talk about niche :D

This was at the annual flower show earlier this year. This is a government owned company!

I am out in the sea

2009-07-10T15:57:00.003+05:30

And the sea is PINK. As averse as I am to pink, everything around me is pink for the last month and possibly stay so for a long time to come. And one is actually liking most of the pink. When it is on Little Miss T that is :) I don't like the pink weighing machine, or that feeding bottle and the Barbie Pink ( what we Kannadigas lovingly refer to as Mithai pink) diaper bag.

PUHLEEEEEZ!!!!! Miss T looks gorgeous in Pink but don't make me wear it. I even have a book titled "A guide to girl babies, an owner's manual" with a Pink cover!

But the title of the post, out in sea isn't just figurative. I literally feel like that most of the time! And the opinions that bombard you left right and centre and in between don't make things easier!!!

But this is one roller coaster ride I am not willing to get off :D

Next post when I can find time that is...will be on the madness of it all which no one tells you :)

Spoilers in life

2009-05-21T20:41:00.004+05:30

When it comes to money, be it best friends or your closest relative it doesn't take much for things to go sore.

Twice now I have been on the receiving end of deception with a straight face. And then they go on pretending to be your best friend or your well wishing uncle or aunt.

Incredible things people can do for money.

On the verge of third such deception I am dearly hoping it doesn't happen. Cos it is pretty hard to trust people or help them out in need without having to fight deception every single time.

Let's see how this one goes.

When insomnia strikes!

2009-05-18T01:50:00.002+05:30

2 am and I am wide awake. There are dozens of blog posts pending in my head and no mood to type. Just feel like saying Phrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttt Calvin style!

Elections and television - part 2

2009-05-16T01:14:00.002+05:30

I will let some one else say it cos he said it better!

GO HERE

Bangalore beku Bengaluru Beda

2009-05-06T19:12:00.003+05:30

Bengaluru must look like an excavation site if you took an aerial view just now. Broken buildings, bowels of earth upturned, uprooted trees. Crazy traffic situation. Angry people who don't know whom to direct the anger at, roam the streets (only inch by inch mind you.) Only to find at the end of the road that it is the end of the road with nowhere to turn because it is dug up.

Frustrating is an understatement. Autos rule the roost because they get to charge extra. Halla ide madam (the roads craters) they say. One has to walk for miles to a bus stop. Because? the roads are dug up.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH Bring back my Bangalore. Take back this Bengaluru. I don't want this.

dundu mallige

2009-04-29T18:39:00.006+05:30

When we decided on this apartment the main reason for choosing a ground floor was the fact that i can have a little garden and see a piece of the sky when I stepped out. But then once we settled in we realised the apartment association had stipulations on what to grow and what not to grow in the garden. They love croutons and croutons only. Very few flowering plants and absolutely no veggies. No sir that would bring down the value of the apartment! And I tried to grow a little hibiscus plant and every time the poor thing grew a little taller than what is thought aesthetically correct the gardener chops it off. It is an eternal fight!

Somehow in the milieu of ever changing gardeners, one of them thought it was a good idea to plant jasmines. None of them survived except for the one right outside my door. Every year around this time it flowers. There is such palpable excitement about it. Women, old and young stop to see how many have bloomed. And pluck one or two. They love to stop by and talk to me about how wonderful it is to grow jasmine. And to see it bloom. We discuss why the others didn't survive while this did. My cook's daily routine is to count the number of buds and wonder about the one or two missing. She tries to encourage me to wear one on my hair. I love jasmines but the moment i wear it I get a mother of all headaches. So I stay away from them. A reason not good enough for my cook.

Today even the water delivery guy stood to admire the jasmines. "Madam mallige hoova bittide" he told me excitedly.

When there is such incredible excitement about it then why would the association not want flowering plants? Since when did a bit colourful blossoms started playing such vital role in real estate prices?

I don't get them. They even pulled out my lemon grass plant when I wans't looking because it was growing very unruly! I don't want your manicured gardens! Give me Cubbon Park over Lalbagh any day!

It is because of this apathy only that Bangalore is losing its green cover and turning hotter by the day!

PS: The title of the post is the name of the jasmine in front of my house.

A stitch in time...huh!

2009-04-10T11:31:00.003+05:30

The first time I was introduced to stitching was in class 7. We used to have mandatory craft sessions post final exams. And we were taught stitching and embroidery that year. We had to bring a piece of white cloth and some coloured threads. The intention was to make an embroidered kerchief. I hated it! Did not complete the little red flower with chain stitch borders. Amma who was by then pretty much convinced that I'd not do anything "girlie" in life kept that piece for posterity. Which she also used to prove at regular intervals that I never completed anything I started. Sure enough she had plenty of opportunities to wave that little white cloth in front of me.

Meanwhile my hatred for stitching continued unabated. I was very careful about not tearing clothes cos then I'd have to stitch it. Amma was generous enough to handle anything that happened to my favourite clothes. Otherwise I managed with safety pins for years on end. If my needle and thread prowess was a criteria for marriage I'd have remained single! It was a running joke in the family that I'd never have those romantic stitching based moments with my husband. Remember those movie scenes where the husband realises just before leaving for office that one of his shirt buttons are off and there his handy wife with a needle and thread fixing it in a jiffy? That's what I was deprived of (I am not complaining :) So one of the mandotory questions for V apart from if he liked garlic was if he can stitch. He could tolerate garlic and could do his own buttons. That settled many a domestic issues that would've cropped if not already discussed.

I continued my friendship with safetypin for years post marriage too. Then I went for Sav's wedding. I knew the girl was creative but the handiwork she had shown on her wedding trousseau truly amazed me. She had great influence from her ever creative mother and aunt too. The three together looked like needle and thread goddesses to me. I came back mighty impressed. Then I told myself that if Sav can do fancy emboidery then at least I can attempt stitching and that it wasn't very adult like to use safety pins. And it wasn't too domestic to use needle and thread either. (Somehow that was a connection in my head. I didn't see stitching as a survival skill. Cos when in class 7 while the girls were asked to embroider, the boys were doing something with batteries and cars. A girl had to stitch you say so I won't do it...one of those causeless rebellions of my life). Gradually stitches replaced safety pins. So much so that the pins completely dissappeared from my house. Amma was relieved and V was amused. Sav was duly acknowledged :)

I even enjoy embroidery and stitching these days. Do little projects and am very proud of it. It is surely a creative outlet when one is stuck for ideas. But if someone makes it an issue of womanhood or motherhood then it is another thing. But till then I am having fun.

Elections and television

2009-04-07T11:19:00.005+05:30

I love election time. It is the best time to watch the politics unfold in its full glory. No holds barred! And when years ago when we were introduced to Psephology by Prannoy Roy (now Dr) it was fascinating. There was a new way of looking at the election process and try to understand the complex ways of Democracy.

But over the years with every media house laying claim to how specialised and exclusive their coverage is we've kind of lost the big picture. The images are so skewed that we can't tell what's real and what's hype.

And even the way the elections are referred to isn't flattering. One channel keeps referring to the great Indian election "pageant"! To me the word means something frivolous and I am offended. If I type the word into dictionary.com this is what comes up.

pag⋅eant

1.	an elaborate public spectacle illustrative of the history of a place, institution, or the like, often given in dramatic form or as a procession of colorful floats.

2.	a costumed procession, masque, allegorical tableau, or the like forming part of public or social festivities.

3.	a show or exhibition, esp. one consisting of a succession of participants or events: a beauty pageant.

4.	something comparable to a procession in colorful variety, splendor, or grandeur: the pageant of Renaissance history.

5.	a pretentious display or show that conceals a lack of real importance or meaning.

6.	(in medieval times) a platform or stage, usually moving on wheels, on which scenes from mystery plays were presented.

7.	display or pageantry.

8.	Obsolete. a stage bearing any kind of spectacle.

Another channel referred to it as Indian election "circus"! Circus?

This is what dictionary.com throws up

cir⋅cus

a large public entertainment, typically presented in one or more very large tents or in an outdoor or indoor arena, featuring exhibitions of pageantry, feats of skill and daring, performing animals, etc., interspersed throughout with the slapstick antics of clowns.

2.	a troupe of performers, esp. a traveling troupe, that presents such entertainments, together with officials, other employees, and the company's performing animals, traveling wagons, tents, cages, and equipment.

3.	a circular arena surrounded by tiers of seats, in which public entertainments are held; arena.

(in ancient Rome)

a.	a large, usually oblong or oval, roofless enclosure, surrounded by tiers of seats rising one above another, for chariot races, public games, etc.

b.	an entertainment given in this Roman arena, as a chariot race or public game: The Caesars appeased the public with bread and circuses.

5.	anything resembling the Roman circus, or arena, as a natural amphitheater or a circular range of houses.

I think I will stick to newspapers and local gossip for information. At least they give the election process the respect it is due.

The King is here

2009-04-06T16:39:00.005+05:30

I am referring to the king of fruits Mango! I LOVE THEM. Long live Mangoes! But what surprised me was the discovery that this yummy thing is our national fruit! (Here's the proof) Now why didn't I know that before?????

How appropriate! I also discovered that India produces the largest number of mangoes in the world and that we have over a 100 varieties of them. I have only eaten about dozen of them so far and have 88 more varieties to go. This needs some serious planning I say.

I miss the days when we just sat on the Kushala maami's Chavadi (verandah) with a basket of ripe mangoes and just gorged on them first thing in the morning, everyday through out the summer.

I have kicked off this season with some Badami variety. One is not getting fully riped ones yet so I store them in my rice dabba and check on it everyday if it has ripened. Sometimes I can't wait so I eat the raw, tangy ones squeezing my face into a million angles. But what joy :D

Yeh hai filmy chakkar

2009-03-31T18:16:00.004+05:30

Once upon a time Hindi was at the most the third language for most kids who attended schools with state syllabus here in Bangalore. Kannada was either the first language or second depending on the medium of the school. But these days even the neighbourhood school that runs in the 2-storey crumbling building with 5 teachers for a student population of 300 has Hindi as the second language! No I am not about rake up the issue of Hindi vs Kannada here. Not yet anyways :P I have been wondering why it feels so bizarre to be surrounded by Hindi speaking population in Bangalore. 8 out of 10 of my neighbours speak Hindi. I am surprised to hear children scream at each other Hindi. Of course the obvious reason is the migratory population from up north. But I thought I should've got used to it by now. But no.

Everytime I hear a child scream "tum apne aapko bahut smart samajhte ho" or an adult say "breakfast mein alu ke paranthe tho bahut healthy hote hai ji" I am a bit taken aback. And here's my theory on why that happens. For me Hindi was always the language of television and movies. All through 80s and a large part of 90s Hindi was the language of what was not real (I am resisting the temptation to say "fantasy language") One romanced in Hindi or one cracked surd jokes (now considered politically incorrect of course) one even made up silly poetry or rattled dialogues from Ramayan and Mahabharath of DD fame to entertain one another (Oh c'mon I know you loved speaking words like "vats" and "hey nath") At the most one had to struggle to get some decent marks by byhearting answers worth 50 marks for the final exams. But never had to speak or heard someone speak. It seriously sounds all too filmy to me! Come ot think of it that is probably why I took to speak the language in the first place :D

Puzzled

2009-03-25T11:34:00.003+05:30

Last few days I have been blog hopping madly. Some known some absolutely random. I am pretty amazed at the level of participation in some of the blogs especially the ones about cooking. People participate in scores if not hundreds. I cannot figure this out. We couldn't get people to participate at Justfemme at all. Is it the lack of personal touch or is it that the topic is way too serious? Or that very few people want to spend time on something that's not"fun". I don't get it!

Are you like a house wife?

2009-03-20T16:41:00.004+05:30

No call centre employee has bothered me with some brilliant scheme in a while now. I didn't miss them thank you very much. But today I got a call from IRCTC yes yes Indian railways fellows. They have been after me for over 2 years to get some railway card with lotsa brownie points for every ticket I buy and boy I have donated quite a bit of my money to them! But my problem with the scheme was that I had to pay for the card. Now why on earth will pay for a credit card (even if it is the railways) when every single bank is giving it away free. Of course these cold calling call centre employees have no rights to waiver the fees so they end up mumbling something and hang up, only to call again in six months time.

Today's call I knew would go the same way. But we didn't even get that far! Here's what I happened.

Call Centre Chap (CCC): Is it Mrs and so and so?
Me: Yes

CCC: Ma'am we are very happy to see that you have spent Rsxxxxx on your railway tickets in the last x years. so we are offering you a card.
Me: (Very surprised at the big number but recovering quickly say) ok....

CCC: Madam do you work for a company?
Me: No I don't work for one company. I work...

CCC: So you are like a housewife or something?
Me: (Very irritated) yeah something like that...

CCC: Then can I talk to your husband? Is Mr R your husband? (referring to my lastname which is my maiden name)
Me: No it isn't my husband.

CCC: Then who is your husband madam? Can you give me his number? We only talk to people working in a company.

It took all my energy to not shout abuses at the chap and I knew it was futile to explain how this was very offensive to me. And so I said "You find out who it is and call him" and hung up.

Where do these guys come from?

I agree that you cannot give credit cards to people with no cash flow in their bank statements. But to make an assumption that I cannot afford a card because I don't work for a "company" is something else. And come to think of it out of the zillions we have spent on railways more than half of it has come from my travels, that was paid for by not one "company" but many of them!

At my age I seriously have no time for people who refuse to use their brains!

And I wonder at this time of economic hardship when jobs are are so difficult to come by how such creatures survive?

UPDATE: This CCC is something else! He called me again next morning and this time V picked up the phone and CCC promptly asks for Mr R! V says wrong number since no Mr R lives with us! Then CCC brightens and asks for me. To me he tells, I called you yesterday. And I say yes you wanted to speak to my husband. So he says yeah so give it to him I want to offer him the card (exact words) I say I don't like the way you talk to me....He hangs up!

I hope someone's listening to this conversation (for QC they say right?) Again...JUST WHERE DO THESE GUYS COME FROM? grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Inspired!

2009-03-18T17:02:00.004+05:30

After a very very very very very (you get the point right?) long time I am feeling inspired. I think with all the inaction one was getting restless anyways and then came along Anthony Bourdain. Yes the same bad mouthing, alcohol abusing, tongue in cheek chef who's so popular that he has his own page on facebook - Anthony Bourdain. I am reading his book "Kitchen Confidential" and only 1/3 through and I am inspired. Not to be chef or cook better in my kitchen kinda inspired but to go after what I love most. I have never been fortunate enough to have mentor at any stage in my life. I have had to figure it all out (if at all) on my own. Somehow mentors either never came along or chose more prodigious souls (HUMPH) to mentor, leaving me tottering around.

Coming back to the book it is all about cooking only. Mr Bourdain isn't pretentious enough to claim the book is to inspire all and sundry or inspire at all. He's clear his book is for those from that line. He says it is all written in "kitchenese" and it is...half of the stuff I read didn't make sense. But it is inspiring nevertheless. And Big Foot reminds me of a certain professor in college. I don't think I was ready for K** then but now I am. Even if it is in a very Ekalavya and Dronacharya style (Corny I know :)

I will write about the book in my other blog shorlty and probably announce my inspired plans on this one hopefully not very long way from now. Till then long live the power of words.

Long pending post...The women won't take it quietly!

2009-03-18T16:37:00.009+05:30

I was to do this post last to last weekend but due to various technical problems I couldn't. Anyway here it is the pictures of the protest in front of the IGP's office in Bangalore about all the attacks on women in Bangalore. There was a good turn out. Media was present in full glory. The DG Mr Sharma promised action in five days, I am not sure what came of it. Will it have the desired results? I don't know. But it sure felt good to take some action. And I know I am not alone and I know I am demanding my basic rights to be restored and not some exotic thing that makes no sense (although a a friend of mine from the media who was covering the event was sure this was all a bloody farce since most of the women were wearing coolers and sipping coke while protesting!!!)

Here are some pictures from 7th March 2009

SITA Sena from Mumbai

2009-03-02T10:56:00.002+05:30

Go here for details.

And women when in trouble make noise, kick, scream, yell, whistle. I know there isn't much hope of help but at least it might baffle the attackers enough and back off, giving you some space to get away. And yes I do hope some bystander does wake up and help you out. But don't give up! We can't stop living lives for the fear of some goondas can we?

One more girl attacked near Mount Carmel college

2009-03-01T16:26:00.003+05:30

That's 5 in a row if any one's counting. This time it was a journalist from Tehelka who was returning late from work. Here's The Hindu report on it.

All those people who are out there who've been screaming hoarse about this being a trivial issue, you still think so? This is not some class based issue that the elite (which basically means independent women with means to wear western clothes and probably own a bike or a car in this context) women are facing. This could be any woman on the street! And you still think it's too small an issue? WOW! How frustrated must that soul be by the progress of women? Seriously!

Action items from Fearless Karnataka / Nirbhaya Karnataka

2009-02-28T12:39:00.003+05:30

Email Campaign write to the state Home Minister and Ministry of Home Affairs at the centre for more details go here

On March 7 a rally is being organised to meet the DG-IGP and submit a petition. More details as they emerge.

One more young girl was beaten up for wearing western attire

2009-02-28T11:43:00.004+05:30

This was on Cunningham road yesterday. That stretch of the road could not possibly be more crowded at 6 and still no one helped the girl. The curious behaviour of the bystander continues.

The other interesting thing that's happening today is the sms doing the rounds asking women to be careful of their "dress code" due to these attacks. These are messages forwarded by "well meaning" women to warn their friends. Well no one's going to help and one cannot learn martial arts in a day so lets be safe seems to be the thinking. I cannot ask these women not to behave so. I have no solution for them or myself.

This prejudice against jeans i find it very funny at this point. I have been wearing jeans since I was 17 that's practically a decade and a half ago. My mother and I went to sale and Safina Plaza and bought my very first branded jeans. I had worn trousers before that but jeans this was the first. I didn't have to fight anyone for it. My mother was as enthu as me about it. My dad didn't think twice about it. It was just another outfit they were buying for their daughter. And they are as "Indian culure" oriented as one can get. Wearing them hasn't come in the way of being an Indian in anyway so far. They never for once thought this would draw more "attention" to me because they knew it wasn't true. If anything by my experience and theirs my worst nightmare happened when I was wearing a saree.

I have celebrated almost all festivals since then. I have cooked and cleaned my house, got married and now even going to have a baby. I know that's a very shallow description on the culture but that isn't mine it is what everyone tells me Indian culture is, so am just going along with that for now. But wearing jeans is still a big cultural change for many women even in a city like Bangalore even today. It is a big change. Some have to fight for it for some it is natural. But at the end of the day it is comfortable outfit. Of course right now it is taking on almost political role.

A lot of the people (needless to say mostly men and shockingly some women too) are finding this whole "hullabaloo" about the freedom to wear western clothes by women extremley silly and even irresponsible. We have bigger issues to worry about like falling GDP and the farmer suicides in vidarbha they say. My question is none of these men who are leaving scathing comments on blogs or the ones attacking the women are wearing dhoties and being shirtless are they? Nor are they using bullock carts to go after these women. Strange. Since when is trousers, tshirts and SUVs for men part of indian culture?

Being harassed on the streets is not new to any indian woman. At some point of time every one of us have been through the humiliation of "eve teasing." Some took it quitely, others rebelled and a few others killed themselves over it. This recent incident of mangalore pub attack or the attacks on the women in Bangalore are just the last straw we can take. And for once it looks like we might not be alone. That we might have a chance at being safe in our own bloody country without looking over our shoulders all the time or having to carry pepper spray or pocket knives and hope to hell that we don't have to use it. How are we women the lesser citizens of this country?

Female foeticide, infanticide, dowry, rape, molestation, sexual harrasment and now getting beaten up for wearing jeans. You are basically telling me I have no rights to live. I am not going to take that lying down. I have worked my ass off and fought a lot of battles to be who I am today and no one but me worked hard to buy those friggin branded jeans and I am keeping them. You can take a walk.

They are at it again

2009-02-26T14:28:00.004+05:30

This time for wearing "western attire" I'd like to know what their agenda is. Create panic? Gain political mileage? Just plain frustration? And how come no onlookers came to help? Well I never expect them to because it is more fun watching someone else in trouble right? It isn't you or it isn't someone you know so it is technically not your problem right?

But beating up women in broad day light? Read the report here

I am seriously looking for another city to move in...or may be a planet might be a better solution. But till then what can one do?

Journalism...

2009-02-25T17:06:00.007+05:30

I have often wondered about it since my time as a journalism student.

"Should we as journalists just watch and record what is happening? When your duty as a citizen calls upon you to act, you must set aside your supposed “impartiality”, if indeed there is such a thing, and intervene, Says KALPANA SHARMA"

For more go to The Hoot

On a different note Arnab Goswami of Times now and Ajay Kumar of Aajtak gave TV Journalists' perspective at a FICCI meet about TRPs influencing channels and other issues. Very interesting read. The transcript is available here at the hoot.

diez articulos o menos

2009-02-20T21:20:00.003+05:30

Ten items or less :) have you seen that movie? I love Morgan Freeman and except in the weird movie Wanted...I have loved him in everything else.

And in "Ten items or less" he's absolutely adorable. It is a lovely, warm film.

Inspired by that film I am gonna make my list of 10 items or less that I love the most in my life. In no particular order.

1) My freedom
2) Hugging V and laughing with him
3) Those rare hear to heart conversations with Amma.
4) Chat sessions with VM
5) Long conversations with my girl friends about absolutely everything under the sun
6) Sea, seashore, seashells, sea breeze just everything about the sea
7) My bike
8) Music - all kinds
9) Laughter, especially that of little children
10) Icecream
11) Walking

I know the rule is ten items or less...but what's the big deal :)

Please feel free to make your list...it is fun :D

My sentiments exactly!

2009-02-13T11:32:00.004+05:30

Here's a Bangalore Mirror article on this whole V-day drama. I couldn't have agreed with her more!

Ammu Joseph starts are article with "I never thought I would find myself sticking up for Valentine’s Day..." Exactly what I have been feeling since the whole issue flared up. To read the entire article go here.

Although I do wonder what media will report about post V-day...

This and that

2009-02-12T10:20:00.004+05:30

I couldn't find pink chaddies (I like to think that this is due to the overwhelming demand) in my local shops. So I am sending out bad thoughts in the general direction of all those who think this is a lost cause or rather misplaced righteousness we are fighting for.
*****
I am impressed at the mileage the e-activism can garner, whether it will serve the purpose or not, we will have wait and see (ha ha that's a classic sign off line reporters use on tv...I never could say it on air)
*****
Maternity clothes are way too expensive. Most of them are not worth it. They are just milking (err pun unintended) the opportunity.
*****
Amma can't stop laughing at the thought of birthing classes. She thinks it is hilarious. Well what can I say?
*****
Why do planning holidays become such a tedium once you are grown up? I miss the days when one just got up in the morning, called a few friends, gathered them and took off trekking. One cannot not be worried about travel and acco I understand but the whole process of letting the whole world know we are taking off and explaining that one is going on a holiday and that holidays are normal is something I don't enjoy. It is a kill joy at times I tell you.
*****
There should really be a pill to cure "mood swings" especially those that don't occur due PMS or pregnancy hormones. It is most painful to be around such people.
*****
After interacting with Whizkid for almost a year, I finally met her. It was a great, we had a lot in common including Amitabh Bacchan. I am glad the effort I put in JF is paying off in more than one way :) And oh she gave me these lovely read leaves from Coorg and I am loving the idea of gifting such things to people.
*****
I have to write down my thoughts on the school I went to because suddenly they have woken up to the alumni and want to do a souvenir. And my instructions read "don't write with a typical critical eye of a journalist" Hmmm :)

Protesting in the cyber world

2009-02-09T18:39:00.002+05:30

This whole M'lore pub story put me great distress. I felt very helpless and cornered. I can do very little than to protect myself if anything like that happens right? What else can one do? Well in this e-era, help is just a click away.

Look at this http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=50104245901&ref=nf

I don't know if any of the people who created the ruckus read these things or care for it. But I guess it makes one feel better. It is the easy way out isn't it? But till I figure out a concrete way, this should do.

And here's a slightly more concrete action one can take. Join the pinkchaddi campaign. Yes you read it right. Go here for more details. Very innovative. Will it work? I don't know. But one should keep trying isn't it?

I want security, not just on valentines' day!

2009-02-09T18:25:00.003+05:30

Alright now! I have had enough! Now we have the police commissioner Mr Bidari promising that people who want to celebrate valentine's day will be provided full security!

Really? security to celebrate valentine's day? What about my right to step out of my house, travel in the bus to wherever and come back without being whistled at, grabbed at and generally made to feel miserable at being a woman for all these years and future? Will you be as explicit in your promise? I agree the media is taking you to the guillotine with it. But you caved in... like this?

Then there is Mr Agni Sridhar with his 30,000 volunteers to protect the couples on valentine's day. I'd have been happier if he continues his offer and help protect women at all times from being molested, harassed, raped. What a wonderful idea that you can reach any one of those 30,000 fellow citizens at the time of distress. But this one day in a year vigilance and that too valentine's day?

Have they missed the point here? Or have I missed the point here?

Imposition

2009-02-04T09:42:00.003+05:30

Back then one only wrote "I will not talk in the class" or "I will complete my maths classwork on time." I hated them then (primary school was ages ago eh!) But over the past week or so I have this immense need to remind myself of a few things constantly. I am scared out of my wits with all the infringement of fundamental rights and safety in the name of religion. I shudder at the thought of living in the stone ages, just cooking, cleaning and reproducing...which is what we are expected to do looks like. And hence the need to remind myself that all is not lost. What better way to do it than the age old method...reiteration or imposition if you like. Albeit with a tech twist to it. Since I can't put pen to paper for anything beyond writing down phone numbers or addresses. I am doing it here.

I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life
I will not let cynicism take over my life

It didn't really work for my teachers back then, as in I didn't stop talking or keep my classwork up to date or anything. But I remember I didn't do that. So I am hoping this exercise will keep reminding me.

PS: I typed in all that no C&P!

So what do you do?

2009-01-20T15:32:00.003+05:30

Since I started freelancing and Just Femme and all that I am very cautious of my answer. I prefer not bring up journalism, women's magazine or film making when I have more than 2 people of company because then there is a general uproar around. People say things like oh so you work for discovery? Or so you are the next Barkha Dutt or launch into this oh the media these days is so screwed up, did you see the coverage of such and such an incident spiel and go on to show off their expertise on how it should have been covered. The standard refrain is of course "I should be careful of what I say, you journlaists are dangerous. "

It is insanely boring I tell you. If I had a rupee for every time I heard that I wouldn't think twice about going to PVR thrice a month! So I sometimes end up telling strangers (whom I am sure I shall never meet again) that I am a housewife. Then they have nothing to say to me no opinions whatsoever. They won't even talk to me about saas-bahu serials or the maids. I am talking about the educated upwardly mobile junta not your regular I have to spend 3 hours going to Mysore sitting next to you so might as well make friends with you kind of people. Them I have no issues with I have told them about my profession and have had intelligent discussions both related and unrelated to my profession.

Now I have a very different problem. The last of my writing assignments is done with. I have no new assignments (my own doing I must confess). I was beginning to feel like I had nothing new to say! No films and of course Just Femme is waiting on the back burner (JF I am mighty upset about. It is my baby). I always thought that I was the kind of person who had things outside of my work to do. But then I liked them so much that it became my work (I didn't start as a journalist that came much much later) and so am stuck now! I am seriously sitting and waiting for inspiration to strike me. Sigh......

A Photo blog attempt

2009-01-16T10:56:00.017+05:30

I am in awe of people who can take great pictures with or without fancy cameras and lenses. It has been on my agenda to learn photography by the book (learning on my own has only got me this far as you shall see :) But till the time I actually do it. I shall amuse myself and probably bore others with my amateur amateur photography.

These are some of the pictures I took on my recent trip to God's own country

My trip to Ennakkad is never complete without a trip to the canal. This is a piece of paradise I hold on to and hope it remains the same for years to come.

I love old houses. They are so beautiful. This one is not being used currently.

Of course Kerala trip means a lot of sadya! This time in addition to Avial and Theeyal there was Dreamland Pudding!

The Kid described it as the most beautiful man made structure he's seen in years. And I completely agree. It tasted as yummy as it looks.

And this is something that should make you wonder! This was served up at an ice cream parlour in Thrissur. All their ice creams are served like this only! Am I the only one to see some kinda Freudian thing here?

It tasted weird too! But stranger was the fact that all the guys working there spoke only Hindi, didn't understand Malayalam and played National Anthem to get us out of the place (at 8 pm mind you)

Now for the most wonderful part of the trip. Meeting N. After practically 3 months of waiting I get to see this little wonder :D So here's debuting N with permissions from Sav :)

:D

The grand "domestic goddess" experiment

2009-01-06T11:43:00.004+05:30

This was a post meant for JF. But now with that on a break (sounds like a couple is on a break :) I putting it up here with suitable modifications of course.

A few years ago a friend of mine got married to this sweet girl and we met up a few weeks after their marriage. General conversation was happening, which was a little difficult considering the girl was full 8 years younger than me and came from a small town. No, she wasn't low on confidence or anything but we simply didn't have anything in common. So I adopted my usual tactics, turned the conversation towards movies and domestic matters. Movies are never a problem since we all have the pretty much the same grouses or happy moments with them. But the conversation on domestic issues was very hard for me. I am bad at it. I didn't want to bring up the MIL aspect considering the girl was married only a few weeks but more importantly because she had a darling for a MIL (yes that rare species isn't extinct just endangered :) So we talked about cooking and cleaning and maids. She said she didn't want to use a maid and did all the work herself since there were only two of them in a not so big house. She also said she didn't have any time left after the chores for anything else. Now this stumped me. Just how much work could be there? Anyways at that point of time I was too busy shuttling between Madurai and every where else so I forgot all about it.

A few months ago I was reminded of this conversation and I decided to do an experiment. For about 6 weeks I decided to do all the chores around the house by myself (excluding cleaning vessels and the mopping) So for 6 weeks I cleaned up every inch of the house every day. I folded clothes and put them in wardrobes. I cleaned the kitchen 3 times a day. I cooked 3 times a day. I dusted every inch of the house. I rearranged things in wardrobe and attics. I bought groceries. I basically did everything. All this work took me FIVE hours everyday. FIVE hours! And what did I feel at the end of it? Well nothing much really. Yes, the house sparkled 7 days a week instead of about 4. Yes, V had no work to do at all. I don't know how he felt about it I didn't ask. But he did notice all the scrubbing and cleaning and asked if I was alright (!) Yes, things went a lot smoother since I did all the work and didn't go after V to do it. (He's a very nice guy and helps me out all the time. But then he's a guy and he needs to be told some times that's all :) And after all this I was still left with about 5 hours of time...I guess this why women did a lot of sewing, embroidery and made HappaLa and pickles! Since my skills in these areas are worse than a 3-year-old's I had to think of other ways to keep myself occupied.

So what was the result of this grand experiment? I think it just proved that the phenomenon "Domestic Goddess" was created to keep a woman busy when she had nothing else to do and of course it works very much in a man's favour.

Needless to say the experiment was abandoned. Now I have to do a quick clean up when some guests announce they are coming. My fridge isn't well stocked (I don't think I can ever claim that it is, after I saw what Nigella Lawson stocks up!!!) We sometimes had to order in or have bread for breakfast. V, has to fold up his own clothes and make his own coffee and my maid has to ensure she doesn't miss too many corners while cleaning. But what the heck I have at least 8 hours to do things that I want to do and feel absolutely joyful at the end of the day.

Joys of Motherhood - Part 2

2008-12-29T18:46:00.002+05:30

Few months ago my maid walked up to me and said "I have missed my date" I have never been able to come up with an appropriate response to this statement. The first time I heard it was when I was 20 and an unmarried girl friend of mine said this on phone. I panicked but had no clue what to say. Thankfully the "date" arrived a little later simplifying lives for both of us.

My maid who is probably in her mid 20s (she can't tell how old she is) has a 4 year old boy and had once told me she doesn't want to have a second child. She even had tied up her tubes to that effect. But these things are not permanent solutions apparently Every 3 years you are supposed to re-do them to avoid infections ( I am not sure of this). She got it removed and was to go back and put in a fresh "copper-T" after a few days and she got pregnant in that 10 days! She didn't want to have that child. But her entire family said that having a second child would be the best way to reign in her wayward husband who spent all his money on god knows what!

She was in two minds. I asked her if she needed any sort of help. Although I didn't really want to complicate things for her by giving her gyaan. (Although had she been pregnant for 3rd time or something I'd probably have persuaded to think about this) But what I wasn't comprehending was how having another child would make a man responsible? He didn't do that when he got married nor with the first child...I am afraid this girl will end up taking care of both the children!

She decided to keep the child. But she wouldn't do any of the things that is said to be good for mother and child. She still skipped breakfast. Hardly had any supplements and nutrition was not even considered. If I try goading here she'd say "I didn't do any of this for my first child and he's fine." But what about her health? She's one skinny thing with no flesh anywhere. She just won't lsiten. Now she's 7 months pregnant and she still comes to work and cleans my house. My heart misses a beat everytime she picks up a bucket of water for mopping or she dives to pick up something on the floor. I can ask her not come for work. But that won't change anything she'll simply find another house! So all I can do for now is keep her here, give her as less work as possible. I can't feed her because she thinks anything tasty or healthy ought to be given to her son and not her. Even if I give her plenty she'll take it all for that boy. I get angry at how little she cares about herself. She won't even let someone pamper her at this most "special" time.

I am just hoping she has a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Of course V is very very worried that she's gonna be delivering in our living room because she has no intentions of taking off till her ninth month.

Joys of Motherhood - Part 1

2008-12-24T17:50:00.003+05:30

Motherhood "they" tell is supposed to be the most joyous of moments in a woman's life. Past few months have however made me question it. I am putting up this 3 part series explaining how. Caution: These posts have been pending for a while and hence lot of venting is coming this way.

Right from the time I got married I was under severe pressure to produce an offspring. After 2 years of relentless harping everyone around decided that I hate children. The thought that somehow we might want to spend more time with each other never made sense to anyone. Anyways then came the dreaded number 30. On my birthday people called me to wish happy birthday and promptly ended the phone calls saying "you should think about having children at least now. you are not getting younger." Thank you really!

And guess what according to "science" the best age to procreate for a girl is between 20 & 25. Really? You mean to say I had missed the train simply by getting married at 25? The offsprings produced after the "best age" may not be of "best quality" a very sweet middle aged lady once told me. (I don't know who she is. She was traveling with me on a bus and this was the conversation.)

The docs around the town don't make it easier for you either. In case you decide to do the "right" thing and get a pre-conception counselling / tests. They automatically assume you are having trouble making a baby. Your files will have the dreaded word "primary infertility suspected" if you are married for more than a year (It won't matter if you tell them that you decided to have the baby just last week. They nod their heads and write what they want to). And if you are gullible enough they send you marching off to fertility clinics where they tell you things like you are not producing eggs or that you might have more of male hormones and hence they need to treat with the best of medicines. Which, needless to say are bloody expensive. More expensive than a holiday to to Maldives where you will have such a good time that you might actually come back with the "good news."

This story is true to more than one 30-year-old woman I know! The well meaning friends and family are just worried that you are not part of the "normal" society and goad you on. And the well meaning doctors of course take advantage of this paranoia and make cart loads of money. I mean what's the point of starting a family under such severe pressure? And not that they let you live your life once you actually get pregnant!

Randomness in life

2008-12-05T10:53:00.006+05:30

32 months since I started this blog and 201 posts are out there. Didn't think I will keep posting like this when I started. Sure the initial fervour of posting isn't there but I still want to write, which I think is a good thing.

*****

16 years of school calendar takes a toll on you. I crave for some new action around June every year (beginning of the academic year remember?) There is a tendency to wind down action towards April/ May, October and December thanks to the annual holidays. And Feb - Mar has a senses of anxiety attached to it (Final exams).

*****

My pet project Just Femme has hit a road block. Lack of participation is as much a reason as lack of funds. Still trying to figure out how to work it out. Not ready to throw in the towel yet.

*****

This year 7 of my friends had babies. 4 girls and 3 boys. Last year 6 of my friends had babies 5 of them were girls. I am wondering about the ratio for the year 2009 :)

*****

I have been out of action for almost 2 months now. I can't even read! At other times this would drive me crazy. This time around I feel no such thing. Me n V are the only ones surprised by this though. V asks me almost every other day. You are sure you are ok with this? And surprisingly I am more than ok with it. Usually I am not very comfortable with people fussing about me either. But I am slowly getting used to it.

*****

Have you seen the movie Prem Pujari (1965)? It is one convoluted plot on patriotism. Seriously!

PS: At this time of the year I am very prone to randomness. Check out this post that was put up around the same time last year.

Mumbai Horror - the media circus

2008-12-04T18:48:00.005+05:30

For the 3 days of the Mumbai Horror I couldn't stop watching TV. Initially I was shocked beyond words to turn it off and then it was why isn't it ending...how many people will lose lives, sort of thing that kept me staring at the TV. But through it all there was just one question - why are the top television journalists acting like headless chickens?

Some of the brilliant questions the journos were asking were beyond comprehension! They asked one of the Security officers (in charge of NSG I think) "Have you ever been in a situation as grave as this?" The man blinks and says well, no...we haven't seen anything like this. And Lo behold the next minute the ticker on the channel says "NSG: Never been in a situation like this"

Barkha Dutt, the beacon of Indian television journalism and the inspiration for all young things to come into the idiot box was at her brilliant best. She couldn't stop showing off her connection to the "sources" and the insensitive questions wouldn't stop coming. At one point she announced to us that a Pakistani Minister had called her directly and said Pakistan will do whatever it can to help us. I am wondering how come she didn't ask him why he didn't call his Indian counterpart to make it official. She wouldn't stop asking the relatives of hostages "How are you feeling?" or "you must be horrified..."

Yes it takes tremendous energy to do this kind of reporting and we appreciate your energy but would it be too much trouble to be a less dramatic and a little more balanced? Or is "balance" a word that is taught to you out of compulsion at journalism schools?

Arnab Goswami was the other guy lose his head on air. He was saying things that one hears at a discussion at a dinner table with his guests. That means a lot of guessing (Intelligent guesses at times if I may add) and say things like India should've beefed up security...really you think so? And his guests were Prahlad Kakkar and Arjun Rampal. Of course they were discussing national security with no more authority than I do. But since he's the only adult employed at Times Now...We just have to make do with him.

On Headlines Today Rahul Kanwal (who other wise is quite sane but I guess the whole thing got to him) was trying to hard show the anger of the country's people by shouting questions at politicians, trying to provoke them. HT's defence expert Shiv Aroor was giving us insights on what kind of chopper was being used airdrop commandos on to the Nariman House. The details included the make, the capaicity and the kind of arms that can carry or has. Is that the kind of information you reveal while the operation is going on at that moment?

There are tons and tons of mails / sms / blogs compalining about the media hoopla. In response to it there are some emails from the journalists saying it is easier criticise and one thing to be in the middle of all the action and there are restrictions. Yes we agree but then when you are on national television and practically everyone knows how much you are paid. So the least you can deliver is common sense added to your "knowledge." Is that too much to ask?

My favourite city...

2008-12-02T12:34:00.005+05:30

Mumbai will always be Bombay in my head. Mumbai somehow never struck me; much like the new horribly spelt and pronounced Bengalooru doesn't ring a bell in my head.

Bombay was this magical city for me while growing up. One because the only person I knew who traveled often to Mumbai was Dad's friend Bhandari uncle and he always went in an aeroplane (Flight is a new word in my vocab). So the place that one can go only in an aeroplane has to have magical qualities right? The second reason was that my family is from Dakshina Kannada and anyone in the 70s and 80s who wanted to make it big (read rich) just simply escaped to Bombay (not Bangalore) and came back with suitcase full of expensive goodies in a few years. That sealed Bombay's magical qualities.

The song "yeh hai bombay meri jaan" always played from the old radio at grandfather's house just before going to bed and conjured happy thoughts.

Later when teenage hit me and I thought of being this independent woman who lived on her own terms, I always saw myself in a well appointed Flat in Bombay living all alone with great joy. Of course the Flat would definitely be facing the sea I told myself. All this when I had not even seen anything other than Bangalore, parts of Dakshina Kannada and bits of Mysore. I hadn't even seen a train up until I was 20 let alone travel! But well imagination doesn't have any boundaries does it?

Then of course reality took over and I forgot all about living in Bombay. Also, I realised I am a hardcore Bangalorean nothing enticed me enough to stay away from here too long. Then I met G2 who was from Kerala but was a HUUUGE (believe me she was) of Bombay and after college she started work there and told me all about the glory of the magical city. I decided I should at least visit the city. Though it wasn't until 2007 I managed this. And who better to show me around than G2. The four days I spent there is something I can never forget. We stayed near Colaba and I was thrilled to bits that I could walk down and see the sea! Was awestruck by Tajmahal hotel and it's lore. Went crazy over the Colaba Causeway shopping spree. Loved all the hangouts! Most of all I loved the fact that I felt secure in that city. I walked around the city all by myself by day and never once I felt I was in a strange city. But what sealed the deal was when G2 took me on a night safari of sorts across Bombay post midnight that ended in Marine Drive. I was awestruck at how many people including lots of women were there at that time. It was an exhilarating feeling to be by the sea at midnight with no male company and none was staring at us. I wasn't the least bit scared. I decided that if anyday I decide to move out of Bangalore, Bombay would be my first choice.

But all that changed on 26th November. My security blanket was breached. My safe haven was torn open. I feel like I have no place to go. I know this is nothing compared to what people went through first hand. But I am angry, grief stricken, lost....just plain angry!

What makes people do something so unthinkably cruel for no personal reason? I thought I could talk about the anger and frustration I felt once it was over. But I can't. It hurts to think of what they did to the people in my favourite city. My fear is we will forget all this and move on...carry on with our lives doing nothing about what happened. It hurts to think about it. It physically hurts.

What the?

2008-10-25T19:32:00.003+05:30

My house is about to be flooded anytime now...All day we've waited for it. Now it has started raining again and there's general gloom. I've packed my precious books and some clothes on to the attic and waiting...waiting to get flooded.

I am cursing all those people who have made Bangalore a living hell by cutting off trees and constructing buildings on lakes, lake beds and every where else.

I am cursing my own people because we only curse at a time like this but tomorrow when the sun shines again we forget all about it and go on living...forgetting to take action...choosing not to vote.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh

Hoot Hoot Hoot :)

2008-10-22T20:38:00.004+05:30

Twice in six months. In May this year I spotted this owl staring down at me from one of the palm trees at the IIM corridors (it sure does pay to stay back after class in the name of library references :) And then today it flew right across me on my own terrace! I don't get to see many birds around here mind you. There's just miles of concrete jungle how can there be birds? But then there it was flying right across me and I followed it to the closest dome. but it sensed me and flew to the neighbour's terrace. Then we stared at each other for long time before it slid away quietly into the darkness. My otherwise boring day was made :)

This was a barn owl. Once they lived amidst luscious foliage in the outskirts of the city but with our greed for roads and buildings we've pretty much wiped out their habitat. But these fellows aren't giving up easily. They have adapted to the concrete jungles and find high rise apartments very inviting. Sadly these fellows get killed or injured when they come and nest in the buildings owing to superstition. I am not much for superstition but how about the story that Owl is the official vehicle of Goddess Lakhsmi? She'd be more pleased with you if you let her "vaahana" survive than putting up a bronze owl on your door isn't it? Apparently there is a Bangalore Barn Owl Conservation Group do check it out.

Hmmm :)

2008-10-14T15:50:00.007+05:30

I don't make too many plans in life. But I hate it when the few plans I make don't work out. I had exactly 3.5 plans for this year and nothing even took off till September!

Last few months (to be precise 7 months) have been the craziest, weirdest and at times even hopelessly depressing phase of my recent adulthood memory. At the beginning of September I was actually hoping that I would wake up the next morning and it would be 2009. (I know that wouldn't make the problems go away but at least it would be a brand new year.)

And then I had this epiphany that I was trying too hard at everything. It is always a problem when one tries too hard. But the problem is I cannot sometimes (err not being honest I know but what the heck it is my version of the story) let go till I am all twisted and exhausted. And then the breeze from the far away Bodhi Tree hits me and there is enlightenment---tadaaa like that!

Anyways, I gave up trying too hard (for now anyway) And life was looking up a little bit. And then something happened that might just make this year very special. It was one of the many things that was driving me up the wall and down the drain depending on the time of the day. From a year that was to be the worst in my recent memory to a year to be remembered for ever, I'd say I don't mind that at all :)

Aside: I am trying very hard to complete the book "You are here" by Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan. And I cannot help wonder why I can't write a book and may be win a Pulitzer if not a Nobel. Sure I don't have a cat and I am not 25. But I am past 30 and know enough about cats, dogs and even some wild animals for a good measure. Not to forget the men I've known (In what way well you just have to wait for my book.) I will do review of this book the day I finish reading the darn book. I do want to finish reading it by 25 October because there is no way I am gonna pay fine for this book! Bad enough I have to pay 19 bucks for borrowing it.

Finally JF is up!

2008-09-14T23:50:00.001+05:30

Hi Everyone,

Just Femme is back in a new avatar! We have new writers, new segments and an all new site.

Do check it out. And of course as always let us know, if you liked it or not!

JF Team is very grateful for all those who helped us with their ideas and suggestions in the past couple of months.

Go here to love it or hate it

Err...what was that?

2008-08-30T09:40:00.001+05:30

Pollywood mein aapka aubhagat karte hain ji or Pollywood vich aapda swagath hain ji

The first sentence is the result of word to word translation from English to Punjabi online (did you know you have to pay if you have to translate entire sentences into Punjabi?) The second sentence is the sum total of the Punjabi I have learnt from watching Bollywood movies. Here are some more sentences I know.

Sadde naal ravange tho aish karoge
God Tussi Great ho
Chakde phatte
rab mainnu maaf kare
Gali de munde and sheher di kudiyaan
alu paratha aur sarson da saag and lassi malaiwala

Except for the last sentence everything else is from Bollywood. The last one is courtesy my friendly neighboorhood punjabi dhaba run by renjit chettan. Needless to say I don't know what most of those sentences mean (excpet for the last one of course) but the opening sentence of this post is meant to say "Welcome to Pollywood." I don't know if that's what it ultimately says.

Oh wait I do know what Chak De India means. (though still have no clue about the chak de phatte deal) When the movie released I was mighty confused as to why a hockey based movie is titled "forget it India." I honestly thought chak de means forget it. I assumed they were asking us to collectively forget about hockey (which we pretty much have but that's besides the point) Anyways while the whole world and its uncle was going ga ga over the movie, I happened to discuss it with some women journos at the press club. And there was one Delhiite (who's lived long enough in Bangalore to take offence to bad Masala Dosa at a certain darshini) enlightened me that chak de didn't mean forget it but buck up! That was a big Aha moment for me! The whole movie was put to perspective in that instant.

Let me tell you one more little story before I come to my point. Do you remember that horrendous movie called "Veer Zaara?" I was in Madurai back then and we invariably watched any movie that was running in "Maappillai Vinayagar" theatre every weekend (no movie ran for more than a week in that theatre) so one friday we went there and we saw veer zaara was running. Yes, they do run hindi movies sometimes, probably the only theatre that did so. And sometimes I don't blame them. The goddamn movie was bad, no doubt but to add insult to injury half of it was in Punjabi. I didn't understand most of what Amitabh was screaming. Neither did the other 13 people in the theatre or that Gujarati family of 19. (they were passing dabbas of dokhla, everytime they got bored of the movie and there was plenty of dokhlas that day). V was so furious that for the first time ever he was screaming in the theatre. "I didn't pay to watch a Punjabi movie!"

That was ok because the highest we paid for a ticket was Rs 30/- at Maappillai Vinayagar (I must be crazy to move out of that city you say?) But when we pay 170 - 250 and go to the theatre in Bangalore and end up not understanding the film; It is mighty pissing off to say the least.

I have nothing against Punjab or Punjabis. I love their parathas, lassi ,tandoori chicken and Bhangra. But just for that I have to learn the language? That is NOT FAIR. We don't hand out "learn Kannada in 90 minutes" along with every masala dosa we dish out, do we?

I was watching Bachna...recently and the part with Kunal Kapoor (he's delectable :) is entirely in Punjabi. In a theatre full of people only a handful were laughing, while the rest were wondering why the hell they were laughing. Yes, the script demanded it, he's a punjabi she's a punjabi all that I get. Then use your friggin money and put subtitles! Even the french put subtitles when they screen here.

Why is Punjabi the rage in Bollywood? A friend of mine thinks it is because of Manmohan Singh. I doubt that very much. Is it that Punjabi population is so high that only they watch it? Then make a punjabi movie with bollywood fellows no. Oh but that won't work. Remember how when Juhi Chawla acted in some Punjabi film with Gurdaas Mann they said her career in bollywood was over?

But then however huge the punjabi population is, it can't be more than Karnataka, Andhra, Maharashtra, Bihar and MP put together is it? (I am picking these states because I have first hand information that they most certainly watch a lot of hindi movies)

Even the Ads are in Punjabi these days! Have you seen the new Amir Khan ad of Tata Sky. I only understood Tata Sky from that ad. Guess that's the point eh? The essence matters. Language doesn't.

In that case, "Mittars, punjabis and des de munde" ("Friends, romans and country men" people c'mon) please shove off Bollywood and welcome to Pollywood.

Rab mainnu maaf kare!

Of Gadgets and Gender

2008-08-29T11:24:00.004+05:30

Yeah you'll see that the title of the post makes sense when you read my post.

I wanted to buy a camcorder; since my knowledge of cameras is restricted to professional cameras, I had trouble zeroing in on the right model. All the specs of a camcorder sounded inadequate to me till someone reminded I won't make professional movies with them. Anyways after much research I had a shortlist. Usually all my shopping happens with V (when it is not girl stuff that is) but he was too busy this time so I took off on my own. The first place I went to is Chroma (Eva mall) and boy was I pissed off with their customer service!

Firstly I had to talk 3 guys to find out who knows enough about the camcorders and then that mighty ass was refusing to even answer any of my questions. The fellow knew nothing beyond was was written on a little piece of paper in front of each model. And he was just not interested in selling it to me! But when another guy came in and asked similar questions and the sales guy was all eager to answer them. Talk about gender bias! Just because it is a woman you assume that she knows nothing about gadgets? And she's doing time pass? What the...

This is not the first time I was shopping with them. I bought a printer from them (Star Bazaar, Koramangala) earlier. That time V was with me and I would ask all the questions and the guy would answer to V only. The funny thing is between V & me I am the one who's fond of gadgets and buys most of them. But hey I am a girl and I must be buying it because it is looking pretty on my kitchen shelf or may be because it is pink.

When will things change?

Since I had to buy the camcorder I decided to try another shop, this time went to Sony world on Koramangala inner ring road. And got answers to all the queries I had and bought one.

So there you Chroma fellows you lost a customer who spent more than 20k. I know you don't care about one customer but someday there'll be lots like me and if you don't check your attitude you will feel the pinch. Aaaah who am I kidding!

Today's philosophy

2008-08-26T21:33:00.003+05:30

It is easier to be non-judgmental when you are younger. One believes in the goodness of people much more easily. One has seen so little of injustice that it is easy take things / people at face value. Hardly any heartbreaks when one is 15 or even 20...save for one odd little (ok big :) crush that didn't work.

To cut the long story short...I have become judgmental in most situations. Something that I am unable to come to terms with.

Complications of growing up!

Just Femme Diary

2008-08-20T14:15:00.003+05:30

Ok so we have the template and the logo and the even writers. Now for the marketing part of it. I have never been a great success at convincing anyone about an idea which was not originally theirs. So marketing is going to be a HUUUUUUGE challenge.

There are some brilliant ideas that have come my way (some my own but mostly from well meaning experts) If only I was confident of pulling them off. There is also the "M" factor. I read somewhere that DNA launch in Bangalore has a budget of 20 cr! I have about 1000th of that budget :) So this should be fun!

And oh we need a female voice to do some bit of singing for an audio piece. I have no idea where to find them. Any of you can sing? Or know someone who can sing reasonably well? (exact words were "we don't need a Sunidhi Chauhan") do let me know.

I am going back to my creative thinking seat (in front of the idiot box)

The Coonoor Flower Show

2008-08-19T12:39:00.005+05:30

I have missed the Bangalore flower show the last few years. And this time too I did. But then I made up for it in Coonoor. That place is a riot of flowers! And the flowers we pay 10s of rupees here are growing like weeds out there! Sigh....

Here are some of the beauties...

Many things

2008-08-19T11:24:00.004+05:30

After a looong time we took a break and had a superb holiday in Coonoor. Great view, super fresh air, misty mornings, ginger tea, pepper rasam, hours of un interrupted reading, long walks in the drizzling rain. It couldn't have been better :)

I finished reading the mega novel kaanooru heggaDithi by Kuvempu in just 2 days. A feat unimaginable back at home! Even V, who's reading speed is one page a week, finished a book there!

************

V & I have become ammavan and ammaayi over the weekend. It is amazing what the birth of a baby can do to a family. It mellows down people. Make the most unemotional of people joyous to no end. What is even more amazing to me though is how everyone claims the baby looks exactly like him or her!

************

There was a time...not too long ago when I despised routine. I refused to do anything that was routine (excepting things related to hygiene let me assure you) But these days I find myself, putting things on a routine.

"Lets go for walks every morning"
"Lets call Ammumma every sunday evening"
"I will call mom every evening ar around 8"
"Lets fill our fridge every weekend"
"Lets plan a trip every 3 months or so"

I even plan ahead of most events! Something I can blame V for completely. He loves to plan. I had heard that after 7 years of marraige the couple become like each other. But I find myself changing while V is pretty much intact (I am sure he will disagree). Is that strange? or is it normal?

Just Femme Diary

2008-08-12T12:30:00.002+05:30

It has been 3 months since we shut down Just Femme for revamping. The activities have been anything but slow at the backend! We've fixed up a date for the relaunch (which I won't commit to as yet :)

We have a brand new logo and a new template. A lot of enthusiastic writers. Some new, some old. Great new ideas. I am very happily surprised to see people being so enthusiastic about it. People I never knew before and people whom I barely know are happily offering to help in terms of content and ideas. Old friends and new are pitching in every way they can to help us out.

We still have a lot of loose ends. The foremost being the M factor, the money. We are still on a very tight budget. Hopefully that should change. But I am loving this starting from the scratch experience. So many lessons learnt everyday.

My new blog

2008-08-11T10:34:00.005+05:30

I started another blog pustakada badanekaayi (or prosepaens for those who prefer an English name :)

In there I write about the books I have read / reading (like it or not is a different matter)

Do feel free to drop in, comment, agree and disagree :)

Staying on the subject of new blogs, V has started a blog too. This time he has promised to keep it alive :) So here's premiering VarmaTalkies

Random gyan

2008-08-06T17:56:00.002+05:30

It is essential to have something to keep you busy. That way, one doesn't get the time to mope or pout when things go downhill.

"Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying I don't deserve it!" Calvin said that of course, but works for me.

Where the hell is Matt?

2008-07-29T13:04:00.004+05:30

This is most brilliant video I have seen! P sent it to me and I what a joy it is :)

I wish I had made the video!

See the video here it says it took 14 months in the making, 42 countries, and a cast of thousands.

For more about Matt the guy behind the video (and in front of the camera) go here

More blasts - this time in Ahmedabad

2008-07-28T10:48:00.004+05:30

I have no words to describe the anger and frustration I feel about the Ahmedabad blasts. As of this morning 46 people have been killed! What on earth is the logic behind this mindlessness?

Only sane thing I did was to stay away from the damned news channels. I cannot be angry at more than one thing at a time!

A day amidst energy, enthusiasm and efficiency

2008-07-27T19:33:00.008+05:30

I spent one full day 8am to 8 pm watching 17 stage plays! I was the judge along with two others at the Chirst College festival "Darpan 2008" of which theatre is one category. BOY, was I impressed. These days kids get so many opportunities and they sure make use of it very well. There was class in all the performances. There was absolutely no slapstick comedy and the production quality was very good. I just did not expect PUC and under graduate students to come with such a fascinating show.

Even the themes were very interesting. None were frivolous. There were 4 comedies and the rest were all very serious topics. - rape, communal problems, seven sins, media madness, war, partition, romance, underworld...it was all there.

The underworld play was based on Ram Gopal Varma's Sarkar. Like a sequel to Sarkar Raj, they did a very slick job, I tell you! RGV should get the script from these kids :) I had agreed to be the judge very reluctantly, but I think it was a day well spent.

Of course we had trouble agreeing on who wins and who doesn't. The results will be announced in August. May be I'll write a review of the prize winning plays after that.

I also watched 3 street play performances (there were totally 10). Very good performances.

The blasts and the blasted TV

2008-07-25T19:29:00.006+05:30

13 phone calls, 32 sms and 5 emails later, I know that all the people I was worried about are safe and sound. But the fact that V is still not home (stuck in traffic jam) and I can't reach his mobile at all is freaking me out.

My heart goes out to those caught in it all...9 blasts in a couple of hours. It killed 3 and injured about 15. They can call it low intensity but it is scary, nevertheless.

And I am mad at television channels because they don't seem to get the facts right. All the English channels didn't even get the names of the places right till 3 hours after...Audugidi & Sarjipura for Audugodi & Sarjapura. Since most people in Bangalore aren't localites, I have been getting questions about these locations!

The Kannada channel TV9's anchor was worth being lynched with his inane questions. Sample this, he's questioning some eyewitness on phone and he asks "Bangaloreans are not used to such things so how was it to hear the blast?" What the????

Then he also says that the bomb doesn't look like it was made by professionals (HUH???). And goes on to spew his theories...if they were professionals he says, they wouldn't put the bomb near the naala (this is near audugodi) where no one is bound to get injured. I wonder if he worked with the bomb squad before shifting to this glamorous profession of news reading!

Then they went off to Mallya hospital to question one of the guys who got injured. The guy's obviously shaken, he hasn't been bandaged fully yet, he's pressing cotton on to his right arm and there are 3 mikes thrust in his face!

All channels without exception were quite happy to speculate as to who put the bombs there. And all the usual suspects were named. Of course by evening they said this was not an international action but someone local was involved.

I agree there is a need to get the information, but why jump the gun when you have no clear information? And really please can you not think before you speak / ask questions? There are people watching you on live TV and hoping you know your jobs for godsake!

And what's wrong with the aam junta? Minutes after the blast, one would think that they would stay put at homes / offices where it is relatively safer. But there were 100s of people out to see what happened. Curiousity has brought them out, one reporter said. I don't get it.

Then of course the clincher, someone from the centre said, the last 2 blasts (now Bangalore and Jaipur 2 months ago) have happened in BJP led states! Apparently indicating the ineptitude of the party. Nice time to take potshots and the opposition.

I AM SO MAD!

Correction: Only 1 was killed and 8 injured in yesterday's blasts!

Realisation

2008-07-18T20:39:00.004+05:30

This is fresh, just an hour old...I am incapable of doing one thing at a time! See, I always have been doing more than one thing at a time. Like reading 2 books together (no in a very logical way don't imagine crazy), or doing my job and studying, or having a huge fight with my other and at the same time writing long love notes. I've always done things like that. But now I fiddle with my phone when I am talking to people. I browse when I am watching TV. I read when I am watching TV. I am listening to music when I am cooking. I am constantly multi-tasking. Not a good thing eh!

Across the Vindhyas

2008-07-17T18:38:00.005+05:30

This is something that I have long wanted to write. But I was very sure that I will not be able to give a "balanced" view. But I came across Truly Indian's post and I thought he put it across really well.

He says in his post "The first thing I have observed over these years is that the people* born and brought up in Northern India have no idea about the geography or the culture of the states located to the south of the tropic of cancer. We shall exclude Madhya Pradesh, Gujarat and Orissa from the debate since they lie on both sides of the tropic of cancer." Does that sound familiar? Read the rest here

I don't mean to spark off ill-feelings here. But this is something that does bother me.

Jaane Tu...What a joy!

2008-07-17T11:54:00.008+05:30

There are movies and there are movies. This is true in all parts of the country where cinema is a such a big part of our lives. But with more than 900 films a year (in all languages on an average) that is produced, it is indeed extremely difficult find new subjects and give a unique film (a well made one at that). Bollywood isn't different from this either. But once in a while comes a movie that has a very regular love story(what else) but with intelligent people behind it in every aspect. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane na is one such film.

Let me start with the cast. I have not seen such a fantastic ensemble of talent in a Hindi film in a long long time. The friends of the protagonists are all refreshingly normal. Having the option of being characters that are real as opposed to props to boost the fantastic hero & heroine, they do the job really well. Then there are the parents. They are so real that they could be people from your own lives. Nasiruddin Shah, Ratna Pathak Shah, Jayant Kriplani, Anooradha Patel (What a joy to see her again) have done a fabulous job. Nasiruddin as the father of Imran Khan in a portrait is finally back what he does the best - acting. No hamming up that is required of him in every other script that has come his way in the last 10 years at least! Ratna Pathak as Imran's mother is a delight. Her timing sense in delivering the lines is just superb. Her scenes with Nasiruddin and Paresh Rawal who plays inspector Wagmare are a feast to watch. Jayant & Anuradha play Genelia's parents. There is an ease with which these actors perform, which I think rubs off on the younger actors too. Imran couldn't have chosen a better movie to debut in. He's the regular guy, just like someone you know (yes he is too cute but he doesn't over do it). Genelia does a good job of being the cute, fun girl (she's proved it before in movies like Bommarillu). Then there is Manjari who plays Imran's love interest for most of the film. Oh I almost forgot Pratiek Babbar who plays Genelia's brother. He does justice his role of this recluse, but will look out for my sister. Then there is also a fleeting performance by Raja Kapoor and Kitu Gidwani and the Khan brothers do an excellent job of being the dimwits. What a fantastic ensemble.

Now for the intelligent part of the film - the script & dialogues are the king and queen of the film people. There is nothing that we have not already seen on the silver screen before and yet it so different. The biggest clincher is that the people are very real. There are no theatrics. There is drama but no theatrics. There are no overtly sentimental situations or characters! Yes Rotlu is supposed to sentimental but he's not overdoing it. Yes, there is madness that doesn't ever happen in real life like the airport sequence in the climax or guys on horse going to discos. But isn't that what cinema is about? Take bits of life, add some fantasy into it and put it on silver screen? And Abbas Tyrewala does a superb job of it. Considering this is just his first directorial venture, we know Hindi cinema is in good hands.

My favourite parts in the film

1) Mother & son relationship. They take turns to cook, diligently. They talk about things openly. They don't hide anything from each other (well there is one secret but that's the crux of the story :D)
2) The women in the film are real. Be it the mothers or girls they are all real, from this century.
3) The men too are real. No one's bring larger than life.
4) The relationship between Genelia and her brother. Something we have never seen in Hindi cinema.
5) The dialogues were awesome. sample this

Genelia: college ke paanch saal pata nahi kaha chale gaye
Ratna Pathak: Phone pe beta phone pe

The parents in the film reminded me of the characters from Kabhie Kabhie. Rakhi and Shashi Kapoor play the parents to the young Rishi Kapoor. They were so different from the utterly sentimental morons that we get to see all the time on silver screen. This was good.

A R Rehman's music is exquisite! It lacks the usual flambouyance of Rehman. But it is exactly this quality that works in favour of the film.

And then of course an old man with the placard "Mr Godot" waiting at the airport is just the right note to end the movie with!

If you've not watched this movie, then go NOW. I am looking for rerun of it :)

KQA Open Quiz on 20 July

2008-07-16T11:55:00.001+05:30

Praveen and Manjith ( formerly of NIT-Kozhikode) will conduct a ranking Open Quiz on Sunday 20 July 2008 at the coffee-shop BrewHaHa in Koramangala.

The quiz starts at 1100hrs sharp. Please be on time–we have to wind up by 2pm.

Rules

Teams of 4
Open to all
Entry Fee: Rs. 50/- per team
Prelims: 1100hrs sharp
Finals: 1145hrs sharp
Prizes for all finalists

The Venue: BrewHaHa is about two doors away from Jyoti Nivas College.

http://www.brewhaha.in for more details

I am on You tube!

2008-07-09T13:51:00.004+05:30

Ok technically "I" am not but the film I worked on is. This is the first film I worked on (commercially speaking) way back in 2004. Now the producers of the film, NCF have put it up on you tube. So here I am showing off :)

This was also the first time I worked with P! This was the my first tryst with entrepreneurship (at that time I didn't think it was). We mostly shot in the rain and so was generally lots of fun and a great learning experience!

That is a lot of firsts there eh?

So ladies and gentlemen here it is Fixing Fragmented Forests

Sleepless in sillicon city

2008-06-27T00:21:00.006+05:30

This is a good week for insomnia to strike. Usually my insomniac phase hits me when there's absolutely nothing to do or watch or even read! But this week is good :) There's Euro Cup and then there is Wimbledon. What better to way stay awake or even spend time with the idiot box?

Currently watching the match between Roddick and Tipsaravic. This Serb is good! He gave Federer a hard time at the Australian Open and now repeats the feat with Roddick. Must be hard to go up against a popular player where everyone's cheering for your opponent. But this dude's good. Add to that he's got style. Yeah yeah I am always always on the side of the supposed "under dog."

On the Euro Cup front want Spain to win today's match. Looking forward to the finals on Saturday.Honestly...I love watching the German coach Joachim Low (ok alright) jump up & down outside the court.

Update: Tipsaravic beat Roddick and is through to the third round. Yoohoo! What a match it was!

Back from a hiatus

2008-06-06T20:43:00.005+05:30

This is the longest I have been away from my blog. Not that I didn't have enough to say but had absolutely no time. But I was peeking into other blogs, it is amazing how one gets used to checking on people through their blogs...Especially the ones you know only through blogs like Shruthi and her Puttachi (who incidentally turned 1 this May), or ILL (who's posts I love!) or Biker Dude (whom I turn to when I need that dose of humour to revive myself)

This is a good way to relieve stress when you don't have the time (or sometimes even the energy) to get in touch with real people...

April and May were absolutely crazy! June is promising to be hectic too but I am gonna take a call on that. Though the last 2 months were crazy I loved most of it :D Here's why

I spent 4 weeks in IIMB on campus, in their classrooms, listening to the brightest of professors rattle off theories that actually made sense to me. It was an absolutely fantabulously awesome experience. And I am proud to say today I am an Alumni of IIMB (so what if I didn't pay 9 lakhs :)

I met some incredibly strong, brave and fabulous women there. And I am very happy to have met these women and spent the time with them. The age group was 19 to 55 and every bit entertaining, educating and enriching all the while.

After a very long time I have made friends who's wavelength matches mine and might remain friends for good :) You will understand the excitement around this one if you've been outta college for over 3 years at least or have lost all your friends to either marriage, babies or foreign shores. It is unbelievably difficult to make friends outside of college or work place and I being out of both, had pretty much given up on making new friends EVER. So this was good. Not that I don't have friends now, I do but I am very greedy when it comes to it.

Now for the not so nice parts of the last 2 months.

The worst being the loss of M. It is a month since he left us...I still cannot believe it!

My experience with one of the doctors in the city was horrifying to say the least. Seriously economics are important I understand that but you are a bloody doctor. You are supposed to be nice to people not treat them like a scientific experiment gone wrong...the one that will pay tons of money at that!

My Ajji isn't doing well and she's been in and out of hospital all of May. I met her yesterday and her grit just amazed me. She's 98 , has gone completely blind in the last one year and all the hospital visits in the last month has left her bedridden. But her sense of humour is absolutely intact. She told me yesterday that she went for voting and has demanded 6k from the candidate (he won incidentally and has been the family's favourite MLA for as long as I can remember) She says it is about time her loyalty paid dividends :)

Alright that is a long post...how's that for a come back? I hope I've not lost those 5 readers who'd check in here once in a while.

I am back for good people :)

In memory of M

2008-05-05T11:48:00.005+05:30

It is so hard to talk about people in past tense. I cannot bring myself to say M is no more without a quiver. A young boy, all of 23 is suddenly no more. He went on a trip to Coorg this last weekend and he never returned.

He was the sweetest of VM's friends. The one that stood the test of time for 20 years. I met him only a handful of times. But he was part of our lives. I knew what college he went to, what course he studied. What kind of friends he had. I knew it all. He came for my wedding and very thoughtfully gave me a rolling pin set. I met him 2 months ago at Amma's place. He was a part time professor, an insurance agent and a tax consultant of sorts. At close to 6 feet I told him he was growing too tall for me to look up. He promised he wouldn't grow any taller.

I always asked him if I couldn't find the right Kannada word for some English word. He never said a harsh word to any one. He once went to play cricket with VM and someone used a foul word and he said "nanagu intha maatu aaDodakke barutte soujanyakkoskara naan aaDolla. aadrinda dayaviTTu intha maatu aadbeDi" (Even I can use those words but I don't do it out of courtesy. So please refrain from using such language) That was M at 20. He was our reference point for goodness. So much so that VM and I worried how he'll survive in this harsh world.

He's on my Orkut list of friends. What do I do with it? His profile says "multi-oriented, multi-spaced, multi-tasked ,multi-chirpy, multi-faceted personalitied M. Ever welcoming multiple friends.........!"

How will his parents come to terms with their only son's death? If it hurts me so much. I can't even imagine how much pain is there in those two hearts.

He was going to take up research, do PhD, probably find a girl for himself....Death never comes at a comfortable age!